April 2010

Fleeing

My children and I love to go to the park. There is a nice park two blocks from our house, and lately, I’ve been trying to take them there as much as possible while the weather is still nice (before it gets too blistering hot). My three older children ride their bikes, and I pull Jessica in our Radio Flyer wagon. We park our vehicles in our usual spot, a grassy area near a tree and a bench, and the kids head off to play.

Last week, we had played for awhile and were ready to head home. Ellie was in the lead on the sidewalk leading to the street, with Jessica and me bringing up the rear, when a stray dog loped into the park.

Ellie saw him, and she immediately got off her bike, dropping it to the ground, and ran towards me, arms outstretched, calling my name. “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!”

Ellie is scared of dogs that move unpredictably or quickly, and once, a large pit bull (who was actually trying to be friendly) jumped up on her to lick her, and wound up scratching her cheek with his front paw. So when she saw this dog running towards her, she was understandably terrified, and fled in the opposite direction toward me as quickly as she could.

Everything turned out fine. The dog didn’t hurt anyone, and we made it safely past him. But I learned an important lesson that day.

My daughter knows how to flee: immediately, quickly, and completely. I need to learn from her. Perhaps you do, too.

Too often, when you and I see danger coming, we don’t flee. Sometimes, the threat is something that can cause us physical, emotional, or financial harm. We know our Father is right there with us, yet for some insane reason, we don’t flee to Him. We try to meet the monster ourselves.

It’s a foolish strategy. Why in the world would we try to deal with the hazard ourselves when our Father is right there? Yet too often, we do. Maybe we’ve come to believe the proverb “God only helps those who help themselves” (which is NOT in the Bible), so we muster up our own puny abilities and deal with the problem. Possibly, we overestimate our capacity for dealing with it. Or maybe we don’t realize that God cares about our problem and wants to help us.

Whatever the reason, we confront the menace ourselves, and we lose.

Other times, the danger isn’t direct and immediate. Temptation rarely looks as dangerous as it is. We see temptation coming, and we don’t flee, because we figure there’s no need to go running. After all, we can stand our ground and refuse, can’t we? Or maybe we simply don’t want to flee the temptation. Maybe we want to do the thing we shouldn’t.

If we saw a tornado heading straight for our home while we were playing outside with our children, what would we do? Would we say, “Kids, it’s getting a little windy out here, so we’re going to go inside in about ten minutes”?

Of course not. We’d gather up our children as fast as we could and run into the house, crowd into the safest closet we had, and pray.

Why would we do any less when temptation approaches?

Whenever we’re threatened, whether by temptation, by an obvious physical danger, or by any other thing that troubles us, we should flee to our Father. Let’s admit that we don’t have the strength to fight anything on our own. We’re desperately in need of God’s assistance every single time—whether it comes in the form of His giving us strength to do the right thing, or of His slaying the dragon on our behalf.

Let’s take a lesson from my daughter. This week, let’s learn to flee.

Genesis 39:12—But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.

John 15:5—Apart from me you can do nothing.

Good Enough

As I write, I’m listening to children’s music about the color yellow blasting from the CD player in the kitchen. The kids have been in the kitchen and dining room for an hour now, alternately dancing to the music and playing with other toys.

Are they having a good enough time?

There’s a lot of laughter at our house. We make silly faces and tell silly jokes; we say silly things and laugh together. Sometimes, we chuckle in delight or laugh so hard we can’t stand up straight.

Yet at times, I wonder…on the whole, are they happy enough?

Every night, I tuck them in bed. Sometimes, I sing over them. Always, I pray for them. Then, I tell them, “You’re great kids, and I love you, and God loves you.”

But are they secure enough?

Most of us moms struggle, at least from time to time, with wondering if we’re doing enough. Are we providing our children a good enough childhood? Are we good enough moms?

The question is so important because the answer matters so greatly. We don’t want to fail our children. We want them to be deeply convinced that they’re loved and lovable, to have the right kind and amount of self-esteem, and most of all, to love God and be like His Son Jesus.

But how can we know if the job we’re doing as parents is sufficient to produce these results?

The issue becomes especially complicated for a mom who didn’t experience love, stability, and security in her own childhood. This mom knows what kinds of things not to do, but she doesn’t fully understand how a strong and loving bond is produced because she never saw it in action. When she makes a mistake, she’s never sure how bad of a mistake it is. So she lives with the constant, nagging fear that the things she’s doing might not be enough to give her children what she never had.

Precious mom, let me share with you what God, in His grace, taught me.

We don’t have to live in constant torment that we might not measure up. Our life as mothers is meant to be so much more than endlessly trying to measure up to society’s expectations, our best friend’s abilities, or even our own standards. The only One we have to please is God, and He does not make it difficult to know whether or not we are pleasing Him.

For one thing, He sets forth some clear, specific guidelines in His Word, the Bible, about how we should treat our children. We don’t need to wonder whether or not we should forgive our children or treat them kindly. That’s spelled out as plain as He could make it.

For another, when we have the Holy Spirit in our hearts, we have God Himself and His wisdom available right inside of us to tell us when we aren’t doing right. And we can be completely certain that He will tell us when we’re doing something wrong, and He’ll tell us specifically.

God’s ultimate desire for us is that we be conformed to the image of His Son—in other words, that we act like Jesus. So if anything we are doing, or failing to do, gets in the way of that, He’ll tell us what it is so that we can repent of it and uproot it from our lives. God won’t leave us with some vague, undefined sense of guilt. He won’t tell us we’re doing something wrong or insufficiently, then refuse to tell us what, exactly, He’s talking about.

What that means for us as mothers is that since God is the only person we ultimately have to please, if He’s not telling us we’re doing something wrong, then we are good enough.

The next time we wonder whether or not we’re being the kind of mom we should be, let’s simply ask Him. If we’re not, He’ll tell us. If we are, He’ll tell us that, too.

May we learn to rest in the fact that though we’re not perfect, we can be the kind of mom who pleases God. And ultimately, that kind of mom is good enough.

James 1:5—If any [mom] lacks wisdom, let [her] ask of God, who gives graciously to all without finding fault, and it will be given [her].

Almost

My precious daughter Lindsey turned four last week. One gift we got her for her birthday was a game she had really wanted. She was eager to play it, so we worked on setting up the game together.

Part of the setup involved making nets by threading the plastic net frame through the channel on the piece of netting. I sat on the floor, putting assembling one net. Lindsey chose a frame and a piece of netting and began trying to pass the curved frame through the netting. Finding it difficult to force the plastic through, Lindsey held the plastic steady and brought the netting down over it as far as she could, then reached up and threaded the next section on.

I watched her working diligently and bit back my offer of help. After awhile, though, the netting got all bunched up, and she couldn’t get it to go any further. “Will you please help me?” she asked.

“Oh, it’s almost done,” I said, making a minor adjustment and sliding the rest of the netting on. “You were so close. You almost had it.”

Lindsey had been so close to success. Had she persevered just a little bit longer, she would have made it. But she quit, believing that she couldn’t do it.

You and I do the same thing.

We fail to realize how close we are to success, and we give up.

We’ve disciplined the same child for the same infraction a hundred times, and it hasn’t worked yet, so we quit.

We’ve given the same explanation a thousand times as to why we don’t hit each other or why we go to church, and our kids don’t seem to get it in our time frame, so we figure they never will.

Maybe we’ve tried multiple times to lose the baby weight, or establish a quiet time, or learn to like cooking, and we’ve failed every time, so we don’t try any more.

I wonder how many of these times we’ve quit right before success—when we “almost had it”? When if we’d just kept on a little longer, we would have achieved our goal?

The problem is, we often don’t know when we’re almost there. We can’t see the finish line, so we don’t know how close we are. We struggle on, getting more and more exhausted and discouraged. Finally, we give up.

If only we could see the finish line and realize that we’re almost there.

Precious mom, we can’t see the end, but there is Someone Who can. We don’t know whether our efforts are ever going to succeed, but there is Someone Who does.

Our Heavenly Father knows when we’re this close to success, and when we need to stop, reassess, and go at things a different way. He knows when the battle we’re fighting is about to be won, and when it’s the wrong battle entirely.

Even better, He’ll tell us. He’s promised in His Word that when we really need answers, He’ll give them to us. They may not be the answers we expect, and they may not come in our timing, but they will come.

So the next time we’ve had it up to here, or we’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and tempted to quit, let’s stop and ask the Father. He’ll tell us what to do. And if the answer is to keep going, He’ll give us the ability to do it, and He’ll cheer us on while we do it.

Let’s not quit early. Let’s not miss out on the blessings God has for us if we’ll only keep going. Let’s let Him tell us when to continue, and when to reverse course.

We may not be able to see the right decision in our own wisdom, but He can in His.

James 1:5—If any man lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives graciously to all without finding fault, and it will be given him.

1 Corinthians 15:58—Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

2 Timothy 4:7—I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

Look at Me!

My youngest child, two-year-old Jessica, is enjoying her increasing physical abilities as she discovers what her body is designed to do. Whether it’s stretching as far as she possibly can or deliberately doing something silly, she loves to call my attention to her amazing feats.

Last week, she was in a playful mood. As I sat on the couch reading, I heard her say, “Look at me!”

She had struck a pose that required balancing skills, and she was waiting, with a big grin on her face, for me to applaud her achievement.

“Wow, look at you!” I said, and she grinned even wider, her eyes crinkling at the corners with delight.

One of the things I enjoy most about parenting is affirming my children. I love telling them how much I love them and what valuable creations of God they are. I rejoice in their achievements, and I make sure to show them that I do. I delight in seeing their little spirits grow strong and secure, and knowing that my words and my love had a part in that.

I bet you feel the same way about parenting your children. And I’m absolutely certain that God feels the same way about parenting us.

You and I enjoy pouring love and verbal affirmation into our children’s lives, even over the little things like striking a challenging pose. And if we, being evil, know how to do this for our children, and delight in it, how much more must God delight in doing the same for us?

Pause and let that sink in. Just as we are eager to encourage and affirm our children, God is eager to do the same for us, only vastly more so. (I’m not suggesting that God ever encourages us to keep sinning, or overlooks our sin. I’m talking here about times when we have achieved something good.) And if we can bring a smile to our children’s faces by affirming them, how much more could God bring a smile to our faces and delight to our souls if we could just hear Him cheering for us?

Too often, we get so focused on the fact that He is our Lord, which He most certainly is, that we forget He is also our Friend. That’s what Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection made possible: friendship with God. We can tell God, “Look at me!” and know that He is watching, ready to encourage us.

What does this look like in the normal, everyday life of an ordinary mom?

It looks like doing the laundry and saying, “Look at me, Daddy!” and hearing Him say, “Well done. I’m proud of you.”

It looks like actually getting your family to church on time, saying, “Look at me, Daddy!” and knowing that He is smiling and saying, “Good for you!”

Let’s look for His smile this week (and remember, His smile doesn’t depend on performing perfectly, because nobody can do that, anyway). Let’s listen for His words of encouragement. Let’s invite Him into our life for all the small things, too, that happen to us every day, for Him to share them with us.

“Look at me, Daddy!” we’ll say.

And we’ll know that He looks, and loves, and smiles.

Matthew 7:11 – If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!