June 2010

Shortcut

It’s amazing how much you can learn by playing Chutes and Ladders with a preschooler.

Presumably, you can already recognize your numbers, and you probably know how to count, too. So there’s not much for you to learn there, even though it’s what your preschooler’s supposed to be learning. But there are plenty of other things you can learn, which you may never have thought of.

For example, did you know that you can learn patience? Lots and lots of patience, in fact. The way the game works, you spin the spinner and move your little person forward the appropriate number of spaces. You start out on the bottom row, going from left to right. When you get to the end, you go up one row and start moving back toward the left. Each square is numbered so you can remember which direction you’re supposed to be going. Your kids will probably get the idea that they’re supposed to move from one side of the board to the other. But they’ll forget which direction they were going, and if they don’t know their numbers, or if they forget to look at the numbers, they’ll take off in the wrong direction about half the time. You’ll have ample opportunities to say patiently, “No, this way, sweetheart.”

You can even learn about shortcuts and downfalls. See, if your move lands you on a square at the bottom of a ladder, you get to climb all the way to the top, bypassing the lower-numbered squares on the way. On the other hand, if you land at the top of a chute, you have to slide all the way down to a lower-numbered square—sometimes much lower. If you’re so inclined, you can teach your kids about the shortcuts and downfalls of life, and how sometimes you can climb way, way up or slide even farther down.

I’ve played this game a million times before, sometimes playing seven hundred games in a single day. But until the other day, I never thought about one particular aspect of the game.

When my kids were even younger, we didn’t always enforce the rules all that strictly. As long as they were playing by the general idea of advancing toward the last square, we figured that was good enough. Sometimes, we even let them take any path on the board they wanted, or take an extra turn. But recently, we’ve started to require that they play by the rules. So when Lindsey prematurely paused her token at the bottom of a ladder that would have led immediately to the end, I said, “Lindsey, you have to go two more squares.”

She obeyed willingly, finishing out the number she’d spun. But I knew she’d been tempted to take the unauthorized shortcut. And I realized that we as moms often face the same temptation.

I’m not talking about the temptation to hastily end a game that’s gotten too long or too boring. I’m talking about life, where it’s all too easy to use illegitimate shortcuts or unauthorized means to get to where or what we want.

Our kids are hungry and fussing, and we need a few moments’ peace to get our grocery shopping done, so we let them eat a grape or two from the produce aisle.

We really don’t feel like going to work on a particularly beautiful day, so we call in sick and then head for the lake instead of the office.

Or we resent the fact that our friends all have nicer homes than we do, so we buy an expensive home we can’t really afford.

Most of us hate to wait. We want what we want, and we want it now. As in, right now, not later, not some other day or month or year. Usually, we feel like we deserve what we want (as if it were possible to “deserve” any of God’s blessings). We feel entitled to it. And we resent having to wait. So if God doesn’t come through with what we desire, we go get it ourselves.

I can’t think of a better way to wreck our lives and end up with a bunch of what’s not good for us and what we don’t even really want than to take illicit shortcuts to get it. You see, if God requires that we wait, or that we not have a particular item at all, He has a reason. Making an end run around His reason and grabbing the goal for ourselves isn’t going to bring what we hoped it would. Oh, it may bring the object we wanted, but it isn’t going to bring the spiritual blessing we would have had by waiting, or by not obtaining the object at all.

Which is more important? The material blessing or the spiritual? We claim that the spiritual blessing is more important, that obedience to God is our highest value. But sometimes, we show by our actions that other things are more important.

What a witness to a watching world that would be if we showed them that we don’t have to have certain things or circumstances in life in order to be happy—that we’re fully content with God Himself being our portion, and consider ourselves abundantly blessed to enjoy what He’s given us, without having to try to grasp more.

We’d not only bless the world by showing them how satisfying our God can be; we’d also bless God’s heart by acknowledging that He’s enough for us. After all, what else do we really need?

Psalm 73:25-26 – Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

And…They’re Off!

There’s something about getting to go somewhere that causes kids to turn into sprinters rivaling Olympic champion Usain Bolt. At least, that’s the way it is at our house. When we’re about to go somewhere the kids really want to go, they go potty, put their shoes on, then stand in a clump at the door, jockeying for position. I’ve finally gotten them to stop using their hands to push siblings out of the way, so now they just stand there, four kids squashed together like sardines into two feet squared of linoleum, anxiously awaiting the opening of the door.

“All right, you can go,” I call out, and…they’re off! The closest one pulls the door open, at the same time doing his or her best to block the others from squeezing past and being the first one out to the porch. But when the screen door swings open, then the tide is free. They all rush outside, trying to be first to the steps. They don’t jostle each other on the steps, probably because they remember how mad Mommy gets when they do, saying something about “dangerous”. Then they hit the ground and run to the van.

Actually, it’s not always this bad. For the most part, they’ve now been taught to move calmly and respectfully instead of making it their goal to outrun their siblings. But even though they might not push and shove, there are still times when they burst out the front door inappropriately. Let me explain.

The kids know that there is a very important rule at our house: no going outside without permission. Not even as far as the porch. Ever. I made that rule for safety, and I strictly enforce it. Usually, the kids obey. But recently, I was getting ready to take them somewhere, and I arrived in the living room to find the door standing wide open and only two children still in the house. “Where are Kenny and Jessica?” I asked Ellie.

“They went outside,” she said.

I strode to the screen door and opened it. “Kenny, are you out here?” I called.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said.

“You know the rule about not going outside without permission,” I said firmly.

“Yes, ma’am. But I thought we were leaving.”

I believed him. Kenny probably thought we were so close to leaving that I wouldn’t mind if he went outside. But he was wrong.

Likewise, we adults often get the idea that we can go whenever we’re ready. We know God’s taking us somewhere, so we just get going without even consulting Him to see if it’s time yet. Just as Kenny had confidence in his ability to be outside without supervision, so we have the self-assurance that we can cope with whatever comes up. But sometimes, we’re going to be wrong.

Sometimes, our rushing ahead means we’ll encounter difficulties that can come close to destroying us. Sometimes, the difficulties are ones we can handle, but which we would never have had to deal with at all if we had done things in God’s timing.

What it comes down to is this: just as I knew better than Kenny when it was time to go, so God knows far better than we do when it’s time to move, and when we should stay put. We can’t possibly know as much as He knows. We’re fools if we expose ourselves to potential danger because we didn’t check with Him first.

Let’s let God tell us when it’s time to open the door. I know it can be frustrating to wait when we’re ready to take action. I get that way too, sometimes. I like to make things happen. I don’t like to wait. But I guarantee that following God’s timing is always the best way to do things. It may sometimes be slower, but it’s always better. And ultimately, that’s what we really want, isn’t it?

Job 12:13—To God belong wisdom and power; counsel and understanding are his.

Zzzzzzzz…

Originally published on June 14, 2010.

No one ever told me that the biggest change in my life after I had a baby would be in the quality and quantity of my sleep. Okay, maybe that wasn’t quite the biggest change, but if not, it at least rates a close second.

Post-baby sleep is never quite the same as pre-baby sleep for a number of reasons. First, it’s often interrupted by the aforementioned baby. When she’s little, she wakes up during the night to be fed. When she grows a little older, she wakes up during the night to be entertained. When she moves to a toddler bed or big-kid bed, she doesn’t have to resort to crying and waiting for you to come to her. Instead, she comes to you, for any and every reason—another drink, another story, another nightmare—including the old stand-by, that she just plain needs mama.

You don’t get to go to bed on time anymore, either, because you have to stay up late doing all the things you didn’t have time to do while your child was awake. Nor do you get to sleep in ever again, because many kids don’t understand that just because the sun’s up doesn’t mean they have to be up.

Then there are the times you can’t get to sleep because you’re lying there tossing and turning over some issue you’re having to help your child get through. Or you wake up in the middle of the night, and your brain clicks on, trying to resolve the problem.

Most moms I know seem to be walking around with a sleep debt of several years’ worth, at least. I’m certainly no exception.

We moms are made to need sleep. We don’t function at our best without it, though somehow, we do still function.

Fortunately, God doesn’t have to sleep. Ever. Though you and I feel like we’ve been awake for thousands of years, He really has. He is constantly alert and watchful, continually guarding, preserving, and guiding us, and He always has been. He can run the entire universe without a single minute of sleep because He is that powerful. Lack of sleep never causes Him to get confused or cranky, like it does us. He never needs to take a break and get some rest so that He’ll be able to get back to work. No, He is infinitely far above our mortal, limited bodies.

How often we take His constant, unfailing care for granted. We fall into bed, exhausted, without so much as a thought for the One Who’s going to stay up all night taking care of us while we sleep. In fact, He performs the same ministry to us during the night as we do for our own children: He makes Himself available any time we need Him.

So tonight, when you go to bed, take a minute before you fall asleep and thank God for still being on duty taking care of you. You may want to praise Him for His inexhaustible strength and sufficiency, too. After all, when you think about it, He is truly amazing.

Psalm 121:4—Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.

Persistence

My youngest daughter, two-year-old Jessica, went through a phase where she really didn’t like to take ‘no’ for an answer. I mean, really. To her, my saying ‘no’ was little more than encouragement to repeat her request, over and over, louder and louder.

Usually, once I’ve said no, I try to be consistent. I know it’s important to stick by what I say and enforce the rules I’ve made. Otherwise, my children will learn that if they just beg, whine, or argue long enough, I’ll give in.

But I have a confession to make. It may not be the best parenting technique in the world, but sometimes, I decide that the battle isn’t worth it. There are times when I don’t really care enough about the boundary I’ve set to be willing to do battle in order to maintain it. So I give in.

When I can tell that Jessica is just being obstinate about not getting her way, it’s much easier for me to maintain my ‘no’. But when it seems that her request is really important to her, my heart is moved to listen.

It’s like the parable of the widow before the unjust judge. The unjust judge didn’t care about her request, but because of her persistence, he gave in to her so that she’d leave him alone. When Jesus told this parable, He made the point that if an unloving human being would be moved by another’s unrelenting request, how much more would God’s heart be moved by the petitions of His beloved children?

It took years before I understood this parable. I was confused by the fact that we sometimes have to ask God many times before He grants something. After all, shouldn’t once be enough?

Sometimes, it’s not, but not because God doesn’t know about our requests. After all, even before a word is on our tongue, He knows it completely. The reason we have to keep asking sometimes is so we—not He—can see how important something is to us.

Many of our requests, we’re not willing to ask about more than once. If we don’t get what we asked for, we shrug our shoulders and move on. Only if something seems vitally important right now do we pray repeatedly. Over time, our urgency seems to fade.

Most of us wouldn’t pray a mere one time for our child’s salvation, or when our children are sick, when we’re sick, or when we have a significant need that it’s obvious only God can meet. But unless it feels like a crisis to us, we usually don’t pray regularly for other things such as missionaries, political issues, or our church’s ministries.

May we learn to persist in prayer until God responds, with yes, no, or wait. Too often, we give up because we get tired of praying. May God build up our “prayer muscles” so that we have the spiritual stamina to pray as long as necessary, until God answers our requests.

For we know that in His perfect timing, He will answer. And He may grant our request precisely because of our persistence.

Luke 18:1—Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.