May 2014

Three Ways to Be a Better Mom — Part II

Megan Breedlove May 19, 2014 No Comments

I have a friend who is very domestically inclined. She makes tasty and healthy meals for her family; she keeps her home in good order; she sews; and she is very good at all these things and enjoys doing them.

She far surpasses me in these areas.

I have another friend who makes marvelous birthday cakes that look like they belong on Pinterest for her children. She is extremely talented in this area. In fact, she sometimes makes cakes for other people for all kinds of special occasions, and her cakes are so fantastic that people pay her.

I can’t do that.

Then there is my friend who has eleven children, all of whom are godly and well-behaved. She’s there for every single one of her children when they need her, whether that means comforting them, supporting them in their activities, or providing for their needs in some other way. And she does it all with grace and good humor.

I sometimes have trouble doing the same for my children, even though I have fewer than she does.

All of us have friends who outdo us in some way. Maybe they accomplish more than we do in a certain area; maybe they simply seem to have it all together, whereas we feel like we struggle. Sometimes, we look at our friends (or even strangers), compare ourselves to them, and wind up feeling guilty because we don’t measure up.

But God never planned for us to be just like our friends. He made us the way we are because He wants us to be unique. He delights in our uniqueness.

Yes, I need to prepare meals for my family and keep my home in decent order. But I don’t necessarily have to be as good at doing that as the first friend is that I mentioned. Neither do I have to be a seamstress. God did not make me good at sewing or even inclined to learn. That’s okay. My talents lie in other areas.

I don’t have to be a mom just like this friend, or like any of my other friends. And you don’t have to be just like any of yours. If God wanted us to be just like our friends, He could have made us that way. But He didn’t. Instead, He chose to give us different personalities, skills, and interests. Why? Because He wanted to.

God doesn’t want or need a bunch of clones. Instead, He rejoices in our differences that reflect His vast creativity.

We were never made to be just like someone else. We were carefully designed by God to be the one-of-a-kind way He wants us to be. Yet too often, we spend our efforts and emotions trying to be just like someone else.

That’s not what God wants. He wants us to be the people He made us to be, not replicas of our mom or best friend or some stranger.

There’s nothing wrong with trying to improve in a certain area. For example, it wouldn’t hurt me at all to work a little harder at keeping my house nice (an area in which I tend to be lazy). But feeling bad about myself because I’m not as good at making cakes as one of my friends, or not as good a seamstress as the first friend I mentioned? Not what God has in mind.

Instead of comparing myself to others, God wants me to be the best me I can be. He doesn’t want me to be another Lori or Rebekah or Marilee. In fact, if I spend all my time trying to be just like them, I’ll be failing to reflect the facets of His creativity that He wanted to display through me.

Precious mom, do you realize that God delights in the particular combination of traits that makes you the person you are? That He wants you to do the same?

Don’t waste time or emotional energy wishing you were just like someone else. Instead, celebrate the person you are, because you are how God made you to be. Show your children what it looks like to accept yourself the way God made you and to be content with that.

That’s how to be a better mom—not by trying to be just like someone else.

Psalm 139:14—I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Three Ways to Be a Better Mom – Part I

Megan Breedlove May 12, 2014 No Comments

The cards were decorated with hearts, flowers, and stickers. All over them—both inside and outside—were messages of love and uplifting sentiments such as, “World’s Best Mom!”

As I read my children’s hand-made Mother’s Day cards and admired them out loud, two things happened: first, my heart felt encouraged by my children’s sweet affirmation; second, I got stuck on the phrase “World’s Best Mom”.

That’s what I want to be for my children—the best mom they can imagine. Yet I’m well aware that I’m not always the mom I’d like to be. Sometimes, I’m impatient. Sometimes, I fail to see a child’s inner need. Sometimes, I just plain make mistakes.

You probably do, too, because none of us is perfect. We all fall short on occasion of what we know we could be. We’re alike in another way, too—we all want to get this thing called parenting “right”. We want to do a great job. And sometimes, all of us wonder if we’re doing the right thing or doing well enough.

Over the next three weeks, we’re going to talk about three surprisingly simple things we can do to be better moms. These aren’t just three ways to try harder or to spread ourselves even thinner. They aren’t ways to make meals or birthday cakes worthy of Pinterest. They’re things we can all do not only to benefit our children, but to benefit ourselves. And they don’t require trying very hard. In fact, they sometimes require us to stop trying.

The first way to be a better mom is this: give yourself the freedom not to be Supermom. You don’t have to be able to do everything. You might be terrible at making birthday cakes, and that’s okay. You might not be as creative as you’d like to be, or as energetic. That’s fine. You don’t have to be everything all at once in order to be a great mom. Even God doesn’t expect that of you. Nor do your children. So don’t expect it of yourself.

Likewise, you are going to make mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up because of them. Too many moms set perfection as their standard, and they stress themselves out when they don’t perform perfectly. Then they get burnt out.

True, there are times when we sin against others and need to make things right with God and with them. We may need to go to our children and ask them to forgive us. But if we keep beating ourselves up over what our God and our children have already forgiven us for, we will only become discouraged.

God says that He has removed our sins from us “as far as the east is from the west” (see Psalm 103:12). In other words, He doesn’t hold our sins over our heads anymore, trying to make us feel guilty. It’s Satan who does that. He knows that when God has forgiven us, we are no longer guilty, but he doesn’t want us to know it.

On the other hand, if we listen to what God says in His Word and accept—and truly absorb—His forgiveness, we’ll have no reason to feel guilty any longer. We can instead feel forgiven and free, and we can move on.

Moms, there is no such person as Supermom. Every single mom on this planet has areas where she is less than perfect. Every mom sins. So it’s not the perfect mom who’s the “World’s Best Mom!” (because remember, the perfect mom doesn’t exist). It’s you. It’s me.

My children know I’m not perfect. But they still call me the best mom ever anyway. In their eyes, I’m the best. And that’s perfect enough for me.

Psalm 103:12—As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.