November 2014

Living It Out: Being Thankful

Thanksgiving Tree 2014As I write, it’s only a few days until Thanksgiving. The ingredients for Thanksgiving dinner, which will take place at my house this year, sit on shelves in my freezer, refrigerator, and pantry. The special tablecloths and tableware (we’re using Thanksgiving-themed paper and plastic) rest on the floor of my closet in the plastic bags they came in from the store. The house is on its way to being holiday-clean, and the Thanksgiving tree is on the wall.

We started the tradition of a Thanksgiving tree a few years ago. I cut several sheets of black construction paper into shapes that resembled a tree trunk and branches and taped them to the wall. I made some leaf shapes from colored construction paper and encouraged each child to take leaves and write one thing he or she is thankful for on each leaf, which we then taped to the “tree”.

This year’s Thanksgiving tree involves store-bought leaves (yay, Dollar Tree!), but the idea is still the same. With 5 children, there are 75 colorful leaves helping make a beautiful Thanksgiving decoration in our living room.

In a few days, we’ll take down the Thanksgiving tree and put up the Christmas tree instead. We’ll crumple up the pieces of construction paper and colored leaves and throw them in the trash. The Thanksgiving tree will be done for.

I hope my children’s thankful attitudes live on.

Thanksgiving is a great time to focus on being thankful for all the wonderful blessings God has poured into our lives. But I don’t want my children’s gratitude—or mine, either, for that matter—to be limited to a few days each November. I want thankfulness to be a lifestyle, not a holiday accessory.

If that’s what we want—because I assume that you want this for yourself and your family, too—we would do well to ask ourselves two questions. The first is this: Why are we to be thankful?

For one thing, God has commanded us to be thankful. As with all His commands, there’s a reason behind this one: God wants us to appreciate all He’s given us (which is everything we have). He knows that anything less than contentment is idolatry.

Idolatry? Really? Yes, because when we fail to be content with what God has given us, it’s the same thing as saying that we need things to be happy, and finding our happiness in anything except God is idolatry. God wants us to worship Him and Him alone, and to find our deepest contentment in Him, rather than in anyone else we know or anything we possess. It’s not just that He’s jealous for our affections—though He certainly is that—but also that He knows that nothing else can satisfy us like He can. God wants us to experience the soul-deep satisfaction that only He can provide, so He commands us to choose to say that whatever earthly things we possess are enough, that how much we possess is irrelevant, really, and find our contentment in Him.

The second question we need to ask ourselves is, How can we make sure our thankful attitude lasts all year long, not just when it’s Thanksgiving Day?

There are several ways we can do this. One important way is to root out any ingratitude in our hearts and deal with it. Are we discontent unless all our conditions are met? If so, we need to repent and ask God’s forgiveness (which we can be thankful we’ll always receive). We can also make it a point to build thankfulness into our daily routines, such as asking each child to list 3 things he or she was thankful for that day as we tuck him or her into bed at night. We could pray prayers of thanks out loud and let our kids hear us, which blesses not only them, but ourselves as well. One thing I try to remember to do whenever we’ve all gone to the store is to thank God on the way home for the ton of groceries and supplies in the back.

These are only a couple ideas. You can probably think of many more, such as singing songs about being thankful, doing a word study in the Bible on thankfulness, or some I haven’t thought of. The point is that we need to be purposeful about being thankful, or the world will suck away our contentment and teach us to be dissatisfied.

I encourage you to take some time during this Thanksgiving week to evaluate how thankful you really are, and to plan some things you can do to make sure you build an attitude of thankfulness into your lives and the lives of your children.

May it be Thanksgiving Day every day for us as we return gratitude to the Lord for all that He has done.

Colossians 1:10-12—And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way…giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.

Living It Out: How to Respond When Someone Hurts You

prayerMy 8-year-old daughter, Lindsey, is a kind and generous girl. She has a sweetness about her spirit that could only come from the Lord. She’s caring and compassionate, and she’s quick to reach out to those in need. Not only that, but she believes the best of everyone with whom she comes in contact.

That’s why it was especially hurtful when a neighborhood child stole some toys she had trusted him with.

This child (whom I’ll call Bobby) and his siblings frequently played at our house. This time, when he came over, Lindsey let him use some of her things so that he could play in the front yard with Kenny while she and the girls played together in the backyard. All was fine until Lindsey came back to check on her property and discovered it was missing.

Bobby told Lindsey where he had put the property away. Lindsey checked and didn’t see it. Believing that she would find it upon closer inspection, she said nothing to me about it until, two days later, a closer inspection revealed that the property was definitely not where Bobby had said it was.

It was gone.

We carefully evaluated what might have happened to it. But when we determined that Bobby was the only one who had access to it, and that it was not where he claimed he had returned it, Lindsey and I went to talk to Bobby and his mother.

During the conversation, Bobby denied the theft but changed his story multiple times. I calmly but firmly pointed out the physical impossibility of some of the things he was claiming, and I shared the reasons for our suspicions that he had taken the cards. Bobby’s mother declined to consider anything we said and became offended that we would think her son might be stealing from us (despite his record of previous, albeit different, offenses against our family). She told us her kids would no longer play with ours because we had suspected him. Unable to make any headway, we calmly thanked her for her time and left quietly.

I was angry. Mess with me, that’s one thing; mess with my children, that’s quite another. But I knew that the way I handled this incident would serve not only as an example for Lindsey, but for our other children as well. And I knew that Jesus’ way is always best, even when it isn’t the way I might feel like responding.

So I did my best not only to comfort Lindsey, who was deeply sad (I was too), but also to use this experience to teach her some life lessons.

First, we need to be careful whom we trust. I’m not suggesting that we walk around suspicious of everyone we meet. But when it comes to trusting someone in an important matter, we must be careful whom we choose to trust, because not everyone will prove trustworthy. It may not be wise to trust someone you’ve just met with your deepest thoughts and feelings; it is definitely not wise to trust someone who has a track record of hurting you.

Second, when people mistreat us, we have a choice as to how to respond. We can either respond in kind and mistreat them right back; or we can choose Jesus’ way and be kind to them despite what they’ve done to us. Yes, we may have to take steps to protect ourselves from them (Bobby wouldn’t have been allowed back into our yard or home anyway, even if his mother hadn’t prohibited him from coming), but we can still treat them with kindness. It was right for Lindsey and me to go to Bobby’s house and try to resolve the issue with him and his mother; it would have been wrong for us to go there and become harsh or disrespectful with our words.

Third—and this is the one I tend to forget—we need to pray for those who have hurt us. “You know, Jesus tells us to pray for our enemies,” I said gently to Lindsey. “We need to pray for Bobby.” “I already have been,” Lindsey said. Not just praying that he would return the property, but praying that God would convict his heart and bring him into a relationship with Jesus. We also prayed together.

Fourth, we need to remember that we ourselves are sinners. Before Lindsey and I went to Bobby’s house, we prayed together. We prayed that God would give us the right words and attitude, and we prayed that Bobby and his mother would respond well. We also thanked God for His forgiveness which He is willing to extend to all repentant sinners, which we (not just Bobby) need to receive as well.

Finally, we forgive. Forgiveness does not mean that we say that what the offender did was okay (it wasn’t). Nor do we say that it didn’t hurt us (it did). Nor does it necessarily mean we give him or her the opportunity to do it again (there are times when it is good and right to set boundaries to protect ourselves). What it does mean is that we choose not to take revenge against or punish the offender ourselves, but rather leave that up to God and/or the legal system.

It’s hard to react rightly when someone has sinned against us, and especially when that person doesn’t admit the offense or isn’t sorry. But by responding the way Jesus would have us respond, we not only please the Lord and bring Him glory, but we also benefit ourselves. That’s because God blesses those who follow Him and His ways with spiritual blessings, not the least of which is His “peace that passeth understanding” (see Phil. 4:7).

Don’t trade the peace and other spiritual blessings you could be experiencing for the temporary and only partial satisfaction of staying angry or taking revenge. Trust God that what He has planned for you in the wake of the sin that’s been committed against you is far better than what you could devise for yourself.

Luke 6:28—Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.

Preparing for Christmas

nativityEach year, on the day after Thanksgiving, we get out the Christmas decorations and put them all up. Long before that, I start planning what to give each person on my list. I also start marking my calendar with the dates and times of all the holiday events scheduled by groups of which I am (or some other family member is) a part. Then, in December, I or we attend all those events. But wait…there’s more! There’s all the wrapping of presents, baking holiday goodies, and planning and packing for getting to Grandma and Pampa’s house before December 25th.

You probably do many, if not all, of these things, too. There’s lots to be done to prepare for Christmas.

We’re pretty good at getting these kinds of things done. Because after all, they “have” to be done. They’re not optional.

There’s nothing wrong with doing these things. The problem comes in when we treat social and cultural preparations as necessary and spiritual preparation as optional. When we’re so focused on what we’re going to buy for whom or what activity comes next that we forget (or don’t have time) to focus on the One this celebration is all about.

I can’t tell how much time it should take to prepare oneself and one’s family spiritually for Christmas. That number would be different for every home. Nor can I tell you specifically what you should do in order to prepare. Again, that will be different for every family. But I can tell you that if you focus on the gifts to the exclusion of focusing on the Giver, you’re missing out. If you get so caught up in the trappings of Christmas that you miss the chance to contemplate its amazing spiritual beauty, your Christmas hasn’t been what it could have been.

It’s easy to let spiritual things get pushed aside, especially in December. There are so many other things clamoring for our attention that the “still, small voice” gets lost in the hubbub. We wind up observing the temporal traditions surrounding Christ’s birth but missing out on the deeper, eternal realities.

If we’re going to spend the time we need to spend focusing on Jesus instead of the chaos of the season, we’ll have to be intentional about it. If we just leave it for “when we have time”, it won’t happen.

I encourage you to spend some time giving serious consideration to how you will observe and meditate upon the true meaning of Christmas this year, as well as how you might share it with others. Will you determine to finish your Christmas shopping in November so that you will have more time in December to focus on Advent? Will you do an Advent activity with your children each day, beginning December 1? Will your family have special devotional times in addition to attending whatever services your church offers?

What will you do to make sure your children understand what Christmas is really about and see that lived out, not just paid lip service to?

Think about it. Pray about it. Plan for it. And celebrate Christmas as it was meant to be.

Colossians 3:2—Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. (ESV)

God Can Use You—No Matter Your Abilities

Betty Crocker CookbookI am not domestically inclined. Keeping house has never been my “thing.” The meals I put on the table are serviceable, but they’re certainly not gourmet. I buy my children’s clothes once they’ve been made by somebody else; the last garment I made was a pair of sweat pants, which I made in home economics in 8th grade (it was a required course), for which I got a C. My kids will never confuse me with Martha Stewart or Betty Crocker (that’s their grandmother).

I have dear friends whose highest education consists of obtaining a high school diploma. I have other precious friends who have a disability, while still others lack financial means.

In other words, some of the people I know well (including myself) have limited abilities or resources in an area of life that’s important or valued by the world.

You may feel that you’re a part of this group—that your limitations mean that you are “less than” in some way. And this may be true—for you, for me, for anyone—as far as the world is concerned.

But fortunately for all of us who experience limitations, God’s not concerned with what the world thinks of our abilities. In fact, He seems to specialize in choosing foolish and weak people even above the wise and strong (see 1 Corinthians 1:27). What He cares about is not how you measure up by the world’s standards, but whether your heart is fully devoted to Him.

Take, for example, Peter and John. Two of Jesus’ dearest friends, they weren’t well-educated. In fact, Peter was a fisherman—not an occupation for which he would have had to have the equivalent of a college degree. But when these two apostles stood before the rulers and elders of the Jews and testified to who Jesus was, and how He had healed a man, they astonished those who heard them.

Why? Because these educated leaders knew that Peter and John were uneducated. The ESV uses the word “common”. Peter and John were nobody special by the world’s standards. Yet they amazed all those who listened. And Scripture tells us that the only conclusion the leaders could draw was that in order for Peter and John to do what they did, they must have been with Jesus.

That’s the kind of person I want to be—a person who has obviously been with Jesus. I want people to be amazed not at my abilities but at what Jesus has done in my life. When people look at me, I want them to know I’ve been with the Lord; I don’t care whether or not they know how many degrees I have.

So yes, I’d love to be better at domestic things, especially since God has called me at this time in my life to be a homemaker and stay-at-home mom. But maybe the fact that I don’t have very much natural ability in this area allows Jesus to shine through me better and receive the glory for any successes I have in a way that wouldn’t be the case if I were naturally talented in homemaking.

The fact that your education stopped after high school, or that you have a disability, or that you lack finances, means nothing against you, but rather that Jesus has the opportunity to shine brighter through you than He would otherwise.

But here’s the catch—in order for Him to shine through us, we have to be with Him. The religious leaders knew that Peter and John had been with Jesus because He was shining through their lack of ability and education. This wouldn’t have been the case if they hadn’t been with Him.

Nor is it the case with us. In order for people to know that we’ve been with Jesus, we have to, well, be with Him. Sounds obvious, but often, we neglect the means of being with Him. We don’t have a regular devotional time. We don’t attend church regularly. We don’t pray, or seek Christian fellowship. Yes, His Spirit dwells in us if we’re Christians. But He won’t shine through if we’re not paying attention or making it a point to communicate with Him.

So don’t be down on yourself because of your inabilities. Instead of feeling “less than” because you believe you’re unskilled at something, look at your weaknesses as opportunities for people to know you’ve been with Jesus as He shines through you.

Be with Him—and He will, indeed, shine through.

Acts 4:13—Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus. (ESV)