2015

Far Too Dangerous

Stop signYesterday, when my almost-three-year-old son wanted to help me cook supper, I let him do things like help me fill a pan with water and then put the lid on the pan. I didn’t let him turn on the burner on our gas stove or use the cleaver to dice the cooked chicken. I was the one who did those tasks.

When my daughters Lindsey and Jessica wanted to jump from the top of Lindsey’s bunk bed over onto Jessica’s single bed, which was against a different wall, I could just envision them landing on the mattress and crashing both the mattress and box springs through the support slats onto the ground. I said no. Instead, I made sure they had other outlets for their physical play.

And when my son Kenny wanted the freedom to do flips on his own on our backyard trampoline, I knew that he really had no clue how to safely attempt them, having never been instructed. I told him he would have to let me instruct him first.

There are some things it is simply too dangerous for children to deal with on their own.

God knows this too, in terms of you and me. And in terms of the most dangerous thing we face: sin.

He knows that sin is far too threateningly hazardous for us to face it by ourselves. He knows that without His help, we will get hurt. And because He loves us so much, He doesn’t want anything like that to happen to us. His heart cries out to protect us.

Would you let your child face an angry rattlesnake by himself? Of course not. You’d do everything in your power to protect him because you love him. Your heart would rise up within and demand that you do something to protect your beloved. Likewise, God’s Father-heart deeply desires the protection of His beloved. Acting on that love, He’s done everything possible in His incredible power to keep us safe.

He gave His own life in place of ours to protect us from the death caused by sin. He knew there was no way we could ever make up for our sins and that we were in danger of eternal separation from Him. So He sent Jesus to take the penalty in our place.

He also promised that He will never leave us (see Deut. 31:8). He’ll be with us always. What this means for us (among many other wonderful things we will spend eternity trying to fathom) is that when we face sin, He’s right there with us and in us. Our Protector is right there, ready, willing, and able to help.

Not only that, but He guaranteed that He will always make a way for us to escape what sin is trying to do to us (see 1 Corinthians 10:13 below). Whether temptation assaults us with a direct attack or slithers quietly into our hearts and minds, there is a way to get away from it. We don’t have to stand there and let it devour us. We may feel overwhelmed, but we’re not. There’s a way out. A way to get away. A way to escape.

I’ve been aware of these verses for much of my life. But it wasn’t until recently that it really hit me: God did these things for me so I wouldn’t have to face something so dangerous all by myself and run the risk of getting seriously hurt.

Once I realized that truth, the rest fell into place: the reason why He cares so much about my being seriously hurt is because He loves me so much. He loves me and wants to protect me.

He loves you just as much, precious child of God, and He doesn’t want to see you hurt either. That’s why He’s done all this for you. That’s why He died for you, why He’s always with you, and why He always stands ready to help you escape.

That’s why He will make sure you never have to face sin alone.

1 Corinthians 10:13—No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (ESV)

Getting in the Game

Sports ballsI really love certain sports. Some, I enjoy watching; some, I really enjoy playing; and some, I love doing either one. It’s not that I’m very good at sports (except for racquetball and jiu jitsu); in fact, I’m no better than average, and sometimes worse. It’s just that I love the contest, the “giving it everything I’ve got,” the physical and mental striving, and the fun of the sport in question.

When the Olympics come around, I have the TV on for hours each day. In between Olympics, I also watch other sporting events. Of course, it’s even better if my favorite team is playing. Then, I feel like I have a personal stake in the outcome.

For Super Bowl XLIX this year, however, I’m not a fan of either team that is playing. My team didn’t make it this year, so I don’t care much about the outcome of the Big Game. I plan on watching it, because I enjoy football and I want to see the commercials (and, well, I want an excuse to eat junk food), but I don’t really care who wins.

Many of my friends feel the same way. They don’t have a team in the game, either. Still others of my friends don’t care about the final score because they don’t care about football, or even about sports in general.

This perspective—not caring about the outcome because we’re not invested in the struggle taking place—is fine when we’re talking about football. But it becomes a problem when we’re talking about struggles that take place in real life.

Scripture tells us that we as Christians are all members of the same body, that is, the Body of Christ. It also says that the parts of the Body cannot say they don’t need each other or are not part of the Body. Like a physical body, if one part of the Body suffers or rejoices, all the parts suffer or rejoice with it.

The problem is that we don’t always apply this to our relationships. We look at the struggles of others, and we say, “Well, that doesn’t really affect me.” Or , “Wow, thank God I’m not going through that.”

If we truly realized how intimately connected we are, we’d be a lot more concerned about what is happening to members of our body. Because the truth is, no matter how unaffected we may feel, we are affected. Scripture says so.

When our Christian brothers and sisters around the world are tortured or even killed for their faith, we should take it personally, because it affects part of our body. When a friend is struggling with depression, discouragement, or loneliness, her struggle should matter to us, because she is part of us. When someone is mistreated, overwhelmed, sick, or at her wits’ end, we should treat her as we would treat our own body—because she is our body.

It’s sometimes difficult to know how to come alongside someone and support her. But instead of doing nothing, let’s ask God how to help. Sometimes, God may tell us to step in, in a physical, emotional, or financial sense. Other times, He may instruct us to work behind the scenes in prayer or in enlisting others to help, with no direct involvement ourselves. It’s up to Him how He wants to use us. But we need to make ourselves available for Him to use.

If the school nurse, daycare provider, or preschool teacher called from your child’s school saying your child had fallen on the playground and needed stitches, you’d take immediate action. Why? Because you love your child, and because your child is a part of you.

It should be the same with your Christian brothers and sisters. What happens to them should matter to you. Because they are a part of your body just as much as you are.

If you’re like me, and you sometimes get caught up in your own life and focus on yourself rather than on others, you need to ask God to help you not forget the rest of your body. Ask Him to show you how to be sensitive to others, even in the midst of whatever’s going on in with you. Because in caring for others, you’re caring for yourself as well.

1 Corinthians 12:26—If one part [of the body] suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

An Open Letter to My Toddler Son

TimmyDear Timmy,

For just a moment, I can sit down, take a breather, and write you this letter. I have just put you down for a nap, and you’re likely to stay there for at least a few minutes, until you decide you’re done with being in your room by yourself, and you toddle out to find me, slowly, as if hoping that the calmness and subtlety of your re-entry into the land of the awake will somehow convince me to take you into my arms and cuddle you instead of sending you back to bed.

In fact, right now, I can hear you playing in your room instead of sleeping. Though I can’t make out your words, I hear you talking happily to yourself. So I know my time to write to you is limited. But before you come out here and seek my attention, there are some things I want to say to you.

The first is that I really do try to be the best mommy I can be. I know I get frustrated with you sometimes, and sometimes I refuse to pick you up or let you climb into my lap when all you want is Mommy’s attention. I make it a point to play with you when I can, and to do things with you, to make you laugh, and to spend time with you. It’s just that sometimes, my energy level doesn’t even come close to matching yours. I get tired. I get sick. I get drained, physically and emotionally. I do my best to set those things aside when you come to me, wanting nothing more than my attention and the security of my love for you. But sometimes, I just can’t. And I hope what you learn from this is not that I don’t want to do things for you, but that sometimes, parents need a break, too. I also hope that maybe someday, when your little boy (my grandson) comes to you, needing your attention, and you feel like you just can’t, you’ll know that it’s okay. That being weary doesn’t make you a bad parent. You’re only human.

I also want you to know how much joy and delight you bring to my life because of who you are. Words don’t adequately express this, but I’m going to try. When you laugh your fantastic, all-out belly laugh that makes your eyes squeeze shut and tears run down your cheeks, I can’t help but laugh, too. Ditto for when you say something that’s absolutely hilarious, and you don’t even realize how funny you are. When you delight in a new experience or achievement, or get really excited because of something as simple as the fact that you saw a dog in the bed of the pickup in the lane next to us, or shriek with happiness, I rejoice, too. And when you cuddle up with me before bedtime, as we sit in your recliner and I sing songs to you and read your “favorite books”…well, those times are precious beyond words, and I look forward to them every day because I love just being with you.

Yes, there are times when I’m weary or frustrated in dealing with you. Right now, for example, you’ve gotten up from your “nap” and are systematically bringing me every box and can from the pantry, asking, “What’s this?” Sometimes, you’re obstinate. Other times, you’re slow to obey. Fairly regularly, you make huge messes that I don’t discover until later, because you are sneaky and know better than to do something like that when I might be watching. You require large amounts of energy because you’re so smart and active and into everything. And, well, because you’re two. Sometimes, I just want a break. Sometimes, I just want to cry.

But even on the hard days, even on the worst days, when the tears flow for both of us and we’re both tired, frustrated, and angry, I want you to know this: I love you more than words can ever hope to express. I love you from the depths of my soul. There is no one who means more to me on this earth than your father, your siblings, and you. Even when I’m in tears because of the kind of day or week, or month I’ve had, I would never, not for a moment trade the incredible joy of getting to know you and love you and be your mother for anything in the world. I would give my life for you—not only in the small, everyday moments, but to the extent of giving up my physical life if, by doing so, I could save yours. And I wouldn’t hesitate.

But here’s what I want you to know more than anything else in this world: my love for you, as immense as it is, is nothing compared to the love that God has for you. I may have borne you in my body for nine months before giving birth to you, but God created you. Half of your DNA comes from me, but you are His creation. I’ve told you that I’d give my life for you, and I would. But He already did.

God loved you, Timmy, so much that He allowed His Son Jesus to be put to death so that you didn’t have to be (John 3:16). Personally, I can’t imagine giving up you or Kenny on behalf of anyone else. I wouldn’t give up my beloved son. But that’s what God did when He gave Jesus. And not only has He allowed Jesus to take your punishment for you, but He’s also allowed Jesus’ perfection to stand in for your track record of sins (Rom. 5:17). Why? So you and God can love each other intimately and forever.

What an incredible gift! You see, I can’t always be with you, but He’ll live inside your heart, if you want Him to (Rom. 8:11). When you’re sad, I’ll comfort you the best I can, but He will comfort you with a peace beyond all human understanding (Phil. 4:7). I will sometimes fail you though I’ll try with all my might not to, but He never will (Psalm 136). I’ll give you all the material blessings I can, but they’re really from Him anyway (James 1:17). I’ll love you with every breath I take until the day I die, and then I’ll love you from heaven, but God’s loved you since before the foundation of the world (Eph. 1:4) and will love you for all eternity.

My greatest prayer for you, Timmy, is that God will help you really know how much He loves you, and that you’ll love Him back. If somehow He can use my love for you to give you a glimpse of what His perfect love is really like, I pray He’ll do that. Because I love you deeply and beyond words.

Tonight, we’ll have our time together in your room. We’ll snuggle up in your recliner, with the lights off and the light from the hallway seeping in just enough for me to read your books. After we read, I’ll sing to you. “Are you ready for night-night?” I’ll ask. And you’ll say, as you always do, “I just want to sit here for a minute.” I’ll cuddle you even closer, and you’ll put my head down on your shoulder and snuggle in. I’ll pray you’ll feel the love I can’t adequately express flowing from my heart to yours.

And because of you, my heart will be full. I pray that yours will be full, as well.

I love you, precious son.

Love,

Mommy

The Speck in Your [Child’s] Eye

child's eyeI used to think (before I had children) that disciplining them would be a piece of cake. I figured that they would commit Infraction A, I would apply Discipline Technique B, and I would get Successful Resolution C. My kids would know that I meant business, and they would make the wise decision to stop doing “A”. For the more stubborn issues, where for some unknown reason they didn’t immediately stop doing “A”, I might have to apply “B” two or three more times—but surely, not more than that—and then the problem would be resolved (“C”). For good.

Yeah, um…no.

If you’ve been a parent for longer than about thirty seconds, you know that children’s responses are not always predictable. Just because it seems to make sense to you for your child to respond a certain way doesn’t mean it will make any kind of sense at all to your child. Or maybe it does make sense, but your child’s desire to do “A” is stronger than his or her desire to avoid “B”. In either case, there are plenty of issues that cannot be resolved in just a few attempts. You have to keep trying. For a long time.

One such issue at our house is the issue of speaking nicely to each other. “Just because you’re annoyed with your brother/sister,” I’ve said over and over, “doesn’t mean you can talk to him/her like that.”

Another issue we sometimes (often) struggle with is complaining. We’ve dealt with this to the point that the kids don’t usually put their discontent into words. But oh, the dejected body language, disappointed tones of voice, and dramatic sighs!

Good thing I, as the mom/adult, always speak nicely and never complain….

Yeah. Ouch. Because the words that roll off my tongue towards others aren’t always nice, and aren’t always spoken in a pleasant tone of voice. And sometimes I do complain when circumstances aren’t to my liking. The odds are, you have difficulties in these areas too—at least occasionally.

We discipline our children for sins that we allow ourselves to get away with.

Jesus had something to say about that. In fact, He called us hypocrites. “What do you think you’re doing correcting someone else for the same faults you commit, but letting yourself get away with it?” He asked (my paraphrase). He goes on to tell us, “You correct your own faults, and then you will be in a position to help others correct theirs” (again, my paraphrase).

It is most certainly one of our duties as parents to help our children correct their faults. So if we apply Jesus’ words to our situation, we realize that since we must correct our children, we better be correcting ourselves as well.

“Hypocrites,” Jesus calls us when we don’t do that. And children can spot a hypocrite a mile away.

We’re never going to be perfectly sin-free this side of heaven, true. But if we deal as firmly with our own sins as we do with our children’s sins, not only will we please God, but we’ll also show our children that we mean what we say. God’s Word and His ways apply to everyone—and that, of course, is what we want them to know.

What do you discipline your children for? Have you dealt with that sin in your own life first?

Matt. 7:3-5—“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

The True Nature of Our Struggle

Imagine this: you’re sitting at your computer, scrolling through the latest posts on your timeline, when one of your children tracks you down. “Mommy,” she says, “Johnny says he doesn’t want to watch what I want to watch. But he got to choose what we watched last time. Tell him it’s my turn!”

You close your eyes and sigh. Not again! You try to push away the feelings of discouragement and frustration. You’re tired of struggling against them.

They are what you’re struggling against, right? What you’ve been struggling with for a long time?

Wrong.

Please don’t misunderstand: I know feelings of discouragement and frustration are very real. So are feelings of anger, loneliness, and sadness. We’ve all felt them. We’ve spent time, money, and energy on getting rid of them—and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be free from these emotions.

But they are not what our struggle is truly against.

Sword and shieldIn the famous passage about putting on spiritual armor instead of merely physical armor, Scripture tells us that we are to don this spiritual armor because the devil is scheming against us. It then goes on to say, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Eph. 6:12).

I’ve always liked this verse. But it wasn’t until recently that I realized just how it can apply to me as a mom. And when I realized it, it immediately began to make a huge difference.

My struggle isn’t against my children’s bickering, or the mounds of dirty laundry, or the necessity of teaching the same concepts over and over again. It’s not even against the frustration, discouragement, or irritation I may feel. It’s against the devil’s schemes against me, and the spiritual forces of evil at work in this world.

You see, negative emotions do not have to be our response to our circumstances. But Satan knows that if he can get us to respond that way, he’s got us beaten down. He schemes to do whatever is necessary to entice us to respond in a defeated, discouraged, or dejected manner (remember that he’s always looking for people to devour; see 1 Peter 5:8).

So when we are tempted to feel discouraged, annoyed, or angry, our struggle is not against that emotion. It’s ultimately against Satan himself, who’s trying to ruin us.

Check out the Ephesians passage again: “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood.” That means that our struggle really isn’t against people, including ourselves. Our struggle is a spiritual one.

Why is it so important for us to be aware of this? So we can respond differently. If we try merely to battle the emotions, we’re missing the bigger fight. And if we fight the same way we always have, we may be using the wrong weapons. Ephesians 6 tells us the right weapons to use, including prayer, faith, and salvation. Why? Because these are the only weapons that will work when we’re fighting a spiritual battle.

We need to arm ourselves differently. We need to fight differently.

Fortunately, we serve a God who has equipped us for the battle and shown us how to further equip ourselves. To Him be glory forever and ever.

Ephesians 6:12—For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (NIV)