Why It’s Good That Your Kids Don’t Appreciate You
Megan Breedlove 
My youngest child just turned four. This year, both his birthday and his party actually fell on a Saturday. What with making the cake, setting up for the party, and then actually hosting the party, it was a long (but good) day.
That evening, we sat at the table for supper. I was thinking back to the events of the day. Lindsey obviously had something else on her mind. “My birthday’s next!” she announced.
Lindsey’s birthday is in April. But mine is in March. “Actually, mine’s next,” I said.
“Oh, yeah,” Lindsey said. “You have birthdays, too.”
I could have taken her comment as evidence that my kids take me for granted, or that they only think about themselves, or that they don’t appreciate me. I could have become resentful. But I chose not to.
Because it’s actually good that our kids don’t fully appreciate us.
Don’t get me wrong; our kids need to learn to appreciate us. But not fully.
That’s because in order for a child to fully appreciate love and patience, the child would have had to be denied those things from the very people who were supposed to provide them. She would have had to become so used to not receiving them that she realizes what an incredible gift it is when someone shows her true, unconditional love, or when someone is patient with her slowness.
In order for her to truly appreciate the sacrifices you make for her, your child would have had to be forced into responsibilities far beyond her years. She would have had to grow up too fast. She would have had to be in the position you’re in—where she had to sacrifice, because there was no one else to do it. Where she had to keep going no matter what. Where she had to go without so that others could receive what they needed.
The fact that your child doesn’t fully appreciate you means that she has never been wounded to the deepest parts of her soul by being denied things like love, patience, and sacrifice.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t teach our children to be appreciative of what is done for them (we should). I’m just suggesting that when our children fail to be appreciative the way we would like them to be, we can choose a perspective other than anger and resentment.
We can choose to be glad. Not glad that our child was unappreciative, but glad that she never suffered the lack of having her basic needs met in the way that some children suffer. Glad for the reminder that even with all the mistakes we make, we still must be doing something right.
And glad for the opportunity to practice loving like God, who always chooses to love even when He doesn’t receive the appreciation He deserves.
Luke 6:35—“But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.” (ESV)
Sometimes, you know something, but you don’t really know it.
The past few weeks have been stressful for me.
Sometimes, treasure lies buried in a field.
