Okay, I admit it: my kids…sometimes…provoke each other. Generally speaking, they get along well, but there are those times when they pester their siblings, either accidentally or on purpose. When it’s an accident, all it requires from me is that I point out to the offender how the other person doesn’t appreciate what the offender is doing. It’s relatively easy to deal with. But when it’s on purpose? Well, that can be a little more tricky to deal with (as in, to help defuse the situation before the offended party strikes back).
Yes, children should refrain from shouting at or pushing their siblings. But it’s a lot harder for them to do the right thing when they’ve been provoked.
It makes sense. After all, it’s hard for me to do the right thing when I’ve been provoked, and I’m an adult. No wonder it’s hard for children.
That’s why God gave parents a very important and specific command: “[Parents], do not provoke your children to anger.” He knows it’s a lot harder for anyone, much less a little child, to obey when someone provokes them. He wants us to do everything we can to help our kids obey, not to make it harder on them.
What are some of the ways we make it harder on our kids to do the right thing? One way is by not making it clear what the “right thing” is. Kids don’t have a lot of life experience, and that means they don’t understand everything they’re supposed to do. When we fail to explain to them how they can learn to be the right kind of person at this particular stage in their lives, we set them up for doing the wrong thing.
Another way we provoke our children is by requiring that they succeed at something that is beyond their developmental level. Telling a two-year-old to clean her room and then getting mad when she doesn’t do a very good job is not only silly, but also hurtful and frustrating to our child. When we consistently frustrate our children in their efforts at obedience, we make it much harder for them to obey with a willing spirit.
Perhaps the most hurtful way we provoke our children is by wounding their little spirits. Harsh or even cruel treatment, unfairness, unkind words, insults, demanding “What’s wrong with you??”—all of these things wound our child’s soul. It’s hard to honor someone who consistently wounds you, and when our attitudes, words, and actions provoke our child to anger, we make it difficult, if not almost impossible, for our child to fulfill his or her second-greatest responsibility (honoring God is the first).
God knows that our children need our help in order to obey. He knows we need to be by turns gentle and firm, but always loving. So He commanded us to avoid being the kind of parent who will make it difficult for a child. Instead, we should be the kind of mom who makes it easy on her kids. Not by letting our children do whatever they want, but by being the kind of parent God is.
You see, God makes it as easy as possible for us to obey. He tells us clearly what is expected of us. He never expects more than He knows we are capable of doing. And He is never harsh and unloving with us. Instead, He pours out His love upon us every second of every day, even if we don’t always see it. Who could be easier to obey than a God like that?
Think about it, mom. Do you make it easy for your children to obey you? Do you make your expectations clear and developmentally appropriate? Do you then treat them with love, even when they mess up? Do you pour your love out upon them each and every day? Precious mom, no earthly person is easier to obey than a mom like that.
Yes, our children will still disobey sometimes, no matter how well we may parent. They’re sinners, just like we are. But we can make obedience a whole lot more likely—and much more pleasant for them to engage in—if we don’t provoke them, but instead show them guidance and treat them with understanding and love.
Ephesians 6:4 (CJB)—Fathers, don’t irritate your children and make them resentful; instead, raise them with the Lord’s kind of discipline and guidance.