Letter to a New Mom

Dear New Mom,

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I know your free time is at a premium right now, so I won’t keep you for very long. But there are some things my heart longs to communicate to yours—things I wish I had understood better when I was a new mom. Things which, if you can grasp them now, will make this crazy, wonderful, intense new venture of motherhood even sweeter and richer. Maybe a little calmer and more peaceful, too.

You see, I know how you feel as a new mom. I well remember the feeling of holding my first child, a daughter, in my arms and being overwhelmed with love for her. I didn’t even know I was capable of such love until I met her. I love her so much I would die for her, if necessary. I’d throw myself in harm’s way without a second thought if it meant I could save her. And what I wish I’d realized at the time is that my love for my daughter is a mere reflection of how much God the Father loves me. In fact, God not only would sacrifice Himself for me and you, but He did. John 3:16 tells us that Jesus died on the cross so that you didn’t have to. Why? For the glory of God, certainly. But also because He loved you. Yes, God Almighty loves you that much. So when you hold your precious baby in your arms, think about that. That love you feel welling up in you, threatening to burst your heart? It’s but a fraction of the powerful love God feels for you.

Another thing I wish I’d known as a new mom is that motherhood is hard enough without worrying about being perfect. I know that you so badly want to get things right, and I understand why that is. You love your child. But here’s what I wish I had known: Getting things right as a whole doesn’t mean you have to get things perfect in every detail. If that were true, we’d all be doomed for sure. I made mistakes. You will make mistakes. There’s simply no way around it, because you are a human being. But the great news is this: God doesn’t require you to know everything. He knows you’re not God, and He has promised to give you wisdom whenever you ask (James 1:5). The secret is to keep asking rather than trying to muddle through on your own. You already know that you can’t do it but that He can. So ask for wisdom, and keep asking. I’ve prayed more since having children than in all my pre-child years put together. I bet you will find the same thing.

Speaking of talking to God, I wish I’d known what staying in touch with Him as a mom would look like. I naively assumed that it would look exactly the same as in my pre-child days, if I just tried hard enough. But if you’ve been a mom for longer than ten minutes, you already know that babies are unpredictable. They don’t always fit neatly into a schedule that allows you large, unbroken blocks of time for prayer and reflection. Even if they do, you’re probably too tired to take full advantage of that time. But God doesn’t intend for your times with Him to look exactly the same as they used to. He is calling you to a different season in life, and one of the many lessons He intends for you during this time is to learn to relate to Him in a new way. You will learn to see and hear God in the midst of everything. Just as God formerly spoke to His servants through things like harvests, seeds, and sheep, so He still speaks to us through common, everyday items. This means that He uses things like diaper changes, bath time, and even unexpected things like racquetballs (that was an interesting object lesson for me) to teach you things in a very real, relevant way. So yes, keep reading your Bible. Keep praying. Absolutely, on both counts. But remember that your new life doesn’t entirely look like your old one, and your quiet times won’t either. That’s okay. Be open to the new thing God wants to do (Isaiah 43:19).

There’s one more thing I would like to tell you before you go, and that’s this: It’s okay to ask for help. It really is. There will be times when you’re so exhausted you want to cry. There will be times when you’re so frustrated you want to scream. Or cry. You can expect there to be times when you’re bored, lonely, or worried. Maybe even all three at the same time. When you feel like that, remember that it’s okay to ask for help. You are not supposed to be able to do it all alone. Many times we moms think we should be able to do everything ourselves if we just try hard enough and pray hard enough. That’s simply not true. Satan would love to have you believe that it is, for if he can separate you from God and other Christians, he’s got you right where he wants you. On the other hand, God says that a cord of three strands is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). So don’t be afraid to call a friend or mentor for help. In fact, I recommend that you make a list of a few names and numbers right now. You will need these women. God made us to need one another, and there’s no way around it. You should never feel ashamed or embarrassed for needing other moms. After all, God didn’t make you to walk alone.

Precious new mom, if you and I lived close together, I’d invite you over for coffee and dessert, or maybe a smoothie if you don’t do coffee. We’d sit at the table together, with me holding your precious baby so you could eat with your hands free for once, and we’d talk. About anything and nothing. About things that matter and things we won’t remember next week. I’d ask you how you were doing, and I’d really listen to your answer, because I’d want to show you that it’s not only your baby who matters; you still matter too. But since we don’t live just blocks apart, maybe not in the same state or even country, I wrote you this letter instead. There’s so much more I would say if I could, but this is enough for now. You have plenty to think about. I’ll trust God to bring these words home to you in whatever way He deems best.

Hugs to you and to your precious little one. Until we meet, whether here on this earth or in heaven, I’ll continue to pray for you. May I pray a blessing over you right now? “The LORD bless thee, and keep thee: The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace” (Numbers 6:24-26), both now and forevermore. Amen.

With much love,