Megan Breedlove

Mama’s Comin’

Megan Breedlove January 14, 2013 8 Comments

When I was single, and even when I was married with no children, going shopping and having it be a “treat” meant that I’d get to buy some nonessentials and go places I didn’t have to go.

After we began having children, a shopping “treat” meant getting to go to absolutely essential places, but all by myself.

Now that our first four children are older but that we have a baby, a “treat” is getting to go to essential places with only the older four, who can at least get into and out of the van by themselves and fasten their own seatbelts.

One particular day, I was enjoying the treat of doing errands with only the three girls. (Kenny was in school, and Timmy was at home with Phil.) As we were leaving our last errand to return home, I received a text from my husband that said simply this: “Timmy wants you.”

I knew what that meant. You see, I still nurse Timmy a few times a day, and apparently Timmy had woken up from a nap and decided that right now should be one of those times. One of the girls asked if we could stop somewhere on the way home, and I told her that we couldn’t because Timmy needed me.

As we neared home, I could imagine poor Timmy getting more and more upset, not understanding why Mama wasn’t coming.

“Mama’s comin’, Timmy,” I said out loud, wishing I could make Timmy hear my words and know how close at hand his rescue was.

Wow, I thought, I wonder if that’s how Jesus feels toward us?

There are times when we cry out for rescue and it doesn’t immediately come. So we continue to cry out, and part of our desperation comes from not understanding why God isn’t helping us right now and not knowing how long we have to wait?

But how much different would our waiting be if we realized Daddy’s comin’? Because He is. Oh, He is.

The disciples would have understood how we felt. Once they were crossing the Sea of Galilee in their boat, and a great storm came up. In fact, this storm was so violent that they were in danger of sinking. Then Matthew 14:25 says, “At about four o’clock in the morning, Jesus came toward them walking on the water.”

Did you catch that? Four o’clock in the morning. Not “right when the storm started” or even “a few minutes after the storm started”, but hours later.

I’m sure the disciples wondered where Jesus was. I’m sure they thought about how they really could have used an extra set of hands to bail water. But He doesn’t show up until they’ve been terrified for hours.

Likewise, Mary and Martha would have identified with us too. Their brother Lazarus was sick, so they sent for Jesus, knowing He could perform healing miracles. But Jesus didn’t come, and Lazarus died. Then Jesus shows up a few days later. Both of the women tell Him separately, “If you had been here, Lazarus wouldn’t have died.” Or, to paraphrase, “You could have come and You didn’t. Why didn’t You? This is Your fault.”

There are several more instances in the Bible where Jesus seems to show up late, but I won’t list them all. The point is this: even when it seems like He’s late, even when we wonder why He hasn’t showed up yet, we need to remember that He’s coming, and that He has a plan.

And, because Jesus is the exact representation of the Father, we know that this is true of God the Father, too.

For us, as His children, it’s not a matter of if Daddy’s coming, but when. We can be absolutely confident that He’s going to show up and make all things right at the point He knows is perfectly best.

Many times, He waits well past the point where we would think it “best”. Usually, we consider it best if He shows up right now. Sometimes, He does that. But we never have to wonder, as Timmy might have wondered, if someone’s going to come meet our needs. We know Someone’s coming.

True, some things might not be made right until heaven. God doesn’t promise that we’ll never suffer on this earth. But He does promise that we will never wait endlessly, only to have Him never show up at all.

He’s coming. In His timing, but He’s coming.

What are you facing right now, precious mom? Your Rescuer is on the way. You may not know how far off he is, but You know He’s on the way.

Rest assured that Daddy’s comin’.

1 Samuel 2:10—God’s enemies will be blasted out of the sky, crashed in a heap and burned. God will set things right all over the earth, he’ll give strength to his king, he’ll set his anointed on top of the world! (MSG)

Last Dollar

Megan Breedlove January 7, 2013 4 Comments

I don’t remember what Lindsey bought herself with the first $14 of her $15 in Christmas money.

But I’ll never forget what she did with the last dollar.

Shortly before Christmas, each of our children received $15 cash from a beloved aunt and uncle who live nearby. Naturally, each of the four older children had plans for the money. Ellie wanted to save hers toward a video game she’s been wanting. The other three all had particular toys they wanted, and they asked me to take them to Wal-Mart to buy their chosen items.

We had fun shopping together, and Kenny, Lindsey, and Jessica spent their money. Kenny and Jessica gave their money to me, and I purchased their toys along with the other things I was buying. Lindsey, however, wanted to pay for hers herself, and she did so. She then took her dollar in change and her toy, and we all headed for the doors.

A few yards from the exit, I heard Lindsey say, “Oh, I know what to do with my last dollar!”

I turned to see her grabbing the dollar from her purse and folding it up. She stood facing a 3-foot-tall metal and plastic container with a sign on it announcing that donations would go to the children’s hospital in our area. The children and I are familiar with this container and its purpose; they love putting coins in it and watching the coins spiral downward through the funnel and into the bottom of the bin.

This time, as I watched, Lindsey stuffed her dollar into the slot in the container made for that purpose. “There!” she said happily, ready to go now.

I gave her a hug. “That was kind,” I said quietly.

I was overwhelmed at the generosity of Lindsey’s sweet heart. And I knew that had I been in her position, with only a dollar left in money I could spend on whatever I wanted, I would not have given it away. Yet she did, and it made her happy.

That’s the kind of girl she is. She is happiest when doing something for others. And I wonder…am I that kind of mom? Am I happiest when doing something for my children?

Sometimes, the answer is no. Often, I’m happiest when I get to surf Facebook without interruption or when I get a good night’s sleep—not when I give of myself in order to meet my children’s needs. When I have extra time and sleep and fun—not when I give my last dollar of energy, creativity, and stamina.

Why is that? If it really is more blessed to give than to receive, as Jesus said, why is it so easy for us as moms to be happiest when we’re receiving instead of giving?

It’s because we look for happiness in the wrong place.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s great to have free time to do with as we wish. And all moms need physical rest and time to mentally and emotionally recharge. There’s nothing wrong with desiring those things.

Where we go wrong is when we think those are the things that will bring us the greatest happiness.

You see, when Jesus said that it’s more blessed to give than to receive, He meant that true happiness isn’t found in receiving things for others but in pouring ourselves out on others’ behalf.

I’m not really sure where we got the idea that serving others can’t make us happy, unless that idea came from Satan. Granted, the service itself may not be fun or exciting, but we can choose to be happy anyway. If we buy into the idea that true happiness will primarily come not when we’re fulfilling God’s plan—serving our children—but when they leave us alone, we’re making a serious mistake with long-term consequences.

Moms, I don’t entirely understand how this works yet. I’m still working it out in my own life. But I do know that I believe what Jesus said—and that if what He said is true, which it is, some of my attitudes need to change.

What about you?

Mark 10:45—“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Acts 20:35—In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ “

A New Year’s Prayer for Moms

Megan Breedlove January 1, 2013 4 Comments

S-t-u-p-i-d

Megan Breedlove December 31, 2012 11 Comments

This past February, when I was realllly pregnant (I know they say you’re either pregnant or you’re not, but I think when you are 9 months pregnant, you are realllly pregnant), my sister came down from Michigan to visit us and to be here for my baby shower. I absolutely loved having her here. She is one of my best friends, and she’s lots of fun. We always have a blast when we’re together.

We have many similarities not only in our physical appearance but in our senses of humor, our beliefs about certain things, and so forth. Of course, we also have some differences, and one of these is that Kristen will occasionally use a curse word. However, when she’s in my home, she voluntarily makes an effort not to do so. This visit, she’d been doing great in avoiding what my kids and I call “bad words”. So as we sat chatting in the living room, she said, pleased, “I don’t think I’ve used any bad words at all.”

“Nope. You’ve been doing great,” I said.

And from her position next to me on the couch, Ellie piped up into the conversation, “Mommy said a bad word once.”

“Huh?” I said, and the look on my face must have shown that I didn’t know what Ellie was talking about.

“Oh, really?” Kristen said gleefully at the same time. “What did Mommy say?”

Ellie glanced at me. She knows you’re not supposed to repeat bad words.

“It’s okay,” I said to her. “You can say what I said.”

Ellie glanced from me to Kristen and back to me.

“Really,” I said, curious to find out what bad word I had supposedly said. “You can repeat it.”

Ellie looked at Kristen and said, as if she felt embarrassed on my behalf, “She said ‘s-t-u-p-i-d’.”

Yep, she spelled it. She was unwilling to say such a bad word out loud. So she spelled it, then looked at me, hoping I wasn’t mad.

Kristen and I burst into laughter. “That’s it?” Kristen asked, disappointed.

I must have called something “stupid”—I absolutely never use that word to refer to a person, because it’s insulting, demeaning, and totally unnecessary to use it in that way. I really don’t remember the incident Ellie was referring to and therefore don’t know what exactly I said.

What I do know is that my word choice stuck with Ellie. Even when it was no big deal to me, it mattered to her. I don’t know how long it had been since the time I used that word, but apparently Ellie still remembered it.

What this tells me is that I better be careful and intentional about the words I use on a daily basis.

I can’t afford to be careless or unintentional in my speech to my children. They will remember the words I’ve said—maybe not the “clean your room” words, but at least the words they considered bad. And when those words are directed at them, they may remember for a very long time.

That’s not to say that kids remember every mistake we’ve made. They don’t (thank God). Nor does every carelessly spoken word lead to their being scarred for life (thank God again). But knowing that our words can have an impact we don’t necessarily intend, we must do our best to make sure we are purposefully uplifting in our speech, especially to our children. We must.

Moms, if someone were to ask our children what bad words we had said lately, would our children have to work very hard to come up with a response?

Would they recall curse words? Would they recall insults directed at them or even at that driver in front of us? Would they remember that we shouted or rolled our eyes as we spoke? Would they remember a tone of disgust where there shouldn’t have been one? Would they be able to tell others about the times we used our words (even unintentionally) to discourage or belittle them or their efforts?

I pray the answer is no, both in your family and in mine. The old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” simply isn’t true. Words, even those that aren’t specifically insults, have tremendous power to uplift or to tear down. Even when our words aren’t directed at them, our children’s consciences can be wounded by hearing us speak rudely to the clerk at the grocery store, talk about someone behind her back, or disrespect our husband.

I once heard it said that if you wouldn’t want to stand up in front of your church on Sunday morning and tell them you did something, you shouldn’t do it at all (the obvious exceptions being those things that are legitimately private). This is a great rule, and it applies to words too. If you wouldn’t want to tell others what you said and the tone with which you said it, you shouldn’t have said it to your children either

But I’m not perfect, you might be thinking. I make mistakes all the time.

We all do. Sometimes, we get things wrong. We wound our children when we don’t mean to. You’re not alone.

But because that’s true—that we’re imperfect and guaranteed to mess up sometimes—we owe it to our children to do everything within our power to make sure those times are as few and far between as possible. We should give our children the best we have, not just whatever words happen to come out of our mouths without much thought.

Most of us recently spent a lot of time trying to decide what to get our kids for Christmas, purchasing the chosen items, wrapping them, and placing them under the tree. Shouldn’t we spend just as much time—actually, far more—in purposefully speaking to our children pleasant words that will create a peaceful, secure, and loving atmosphere in our home?

After all, most of the Christmas presents will soon go by the wayside. But the gift of our consistently loving speech will never be forgotten.

Proverbs 15:4—Kind words bring life, but cruel words crush your spirit. (GNT)

Proverbs 16:24— Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. (NIV)

Colossians 4:6—Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out. (MSG)

What I Don’t Care About

Megan Breedlove December 17, 2012 No Comments

A small pair of pink and red rain boots lies in our entryway. They’re right there where someone would need to walk in order to reach the door or to enter our home from our front porch. I’ve told the owner of those boots at least 17,000 times not to leave them where people could trip over them. She forgot. Again.

And I don’t care.

There are toys scattered in the front yard that should have been put in their proper places. Seeing them, I wonder, What would a person think who saw my yard like this?

And I don’t care.

We had sandwiches and chips for lunch today. One of my children took too many chips. When that child asked to be excused, several chips remained on the plate. It was wasteful.

I don’t care.

I don’t care, because two days ago, a man walked into an elementary school in Connecticut and started shooting. Six adults and 20—twenty!—children lost their lives. They died because they went to school that day like they were supposed to.

This, I do care about. I care deeply and profoundly, in a way words can’t adequately describe. Even the tears I’ve shed aren’t sufficient to express the grief in my soul, which I feel not just because I’m a mother but because I’m a human being. The impact of this horrific event can’t be fully expressed, in words, tears, or any other way.

Something like this makes everything else fade into insignificance.

I do want my children to grow up to be self-disciplined. I want them to be good stewards of what God has given them. So maybe “I don’t care” isn’t the way to put it. Suffice it to say that on Friday, I realized that many of their actions that I used to get annoyed about were never the big deals I made them out to be.

Getting upset because I might have to repeat instructions to a child who innocently forgot? It’s not worth the disruption in my peace of mind or in my relationship with that child. It’s so not worth it.

The parents of the precious children who were killed two days ago would give anything to have their children back in their home, sitting at the table and taking too many chips. They’d give anything to have to step over a pair of rain boots that in reality aren’t ever going to be in the way again. The things I’m complaining about—having to clean up after my children, having to make another trip to the store—would be precious opportunities to these parents to hold and love their children a little longer.

What I must remember is that the only reason my children’s actions sometimes annoy me is that they are here and not in heaven with Jesus. Teaching a child to pick up rain boots is a small price to pay for having that child with me day in and day out.

If my child were to die tomorrow, my first thought would not be, “Boy, I’m glad I got so irritated about those boots, especially since time was so short and I didn’t know it.” And if that’s true—that these things wouldn’t matter at all then—do they really matter now?

That’s why I don’t care any more. The boots? I don’t care. The toys? Don’t care. The chips? Don’t care.

Yes, I will continue to try to teach my children to put their things away and take an appropriate amount of food. But being annoyed when they don’t? Not anymore. At least I hope not. I pray not. Because I want to spend every second with my precious kids appreciating them and loving on them—not complaining that they’re being children. I want the things that would matter then to matter now—the love and the hugs and the time together. The bedtime stories. The times we danced like crazy in the kitchen while listening to a CD.

Those things. Not the rain boots.

Never the rain boots.

Matthew 2:18—”A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-5—Love is patient, love is kind…It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

A further word from Megan:

Sometimes, when we’re grieving, such as after the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary, it’s hard to find the words to pray. Hard to know how to express the groanings of our hearts. I’ve been asked to offer a prayer on behalf of all of us moms who are grieving over this tragedy. It is certainly no better than any prayer you would offer. But if you need help putting words to your prayers, or if you would just like to join moms everywhere in pouring out your heart to the Lord after the tragedy at Sandy Hook, I offer the following prayer for you. For me. For all of us.

Oh, God, our hearts cry out to You. In our grief and confusion, we have nowhere else to turn. We climb into Your lap weeping for those precious children and their families, those adults and their families. We wrap our arms around You and cling as tightly as we can, for the storms of rage and grief, pain and confusion and disbelief, are too strong for us, and if we don’t cling to You, we are destroyed. And as we cling, Father God, we feel Your tears, and we know that You grieve too. Not for the children, because they’re with You now, and You know that “in Your presence” is a far better place than down here. You grieve for those left behind–for those parents who must struggle to rebuild lives forever shattered by bullets, for the emergency workers who had to stuff their grief deep inside so as to appear strong, for all those who lost someone precious that day, and for those of us who simply grieve at how evil sprang into the world through the doors of an elementary school. You hate what sin in this world has done to us.

We don’t know where to go from here. We don’t know how to move on. We’re lost. So we beg Your Holy Spirit to intercede for us with groans words cannot express (Rom. 8:26). We beg for comfort, especially for those parents, brothers and sisters, and husbands or other family members of those killed at Sandy Hook. And yet, asking for comfort seems like nowhere near enough. So we ask You to do abundantly beyond all we ask or imagine (Eph. 3:20-21). You are Jehovah-Rapha, the God Who Heals. Pour Your healing into each heart and mind affected by this tragedy. Minister Your peace and comfort to those who so desperately need it. Whatever else we should be praying for, but don’t know it, please do that too. Father God, we weep with You. And we are humbled and consoled that You weep with us.

Amen.

Timmy’s Life of Crime

Megan Breedlove December 10, 2012 2 Comments

You would think age 9 months is too young to get arrested. Apparently, it’s not. Poor Timmy got arrested four times yesterday.

I’ll vouch for him that he has a really good excuse, though. You see, the four older kids had spread out their candy stashes (left over from Fall festivals, birthday parties, and who knows what else) on the dining room floor so they could trade candy. However, they failed to take into account that Timmy was awake and in the vicinity.

Timmy, upon seeing this wonderland of goodies spread out in front of him, headed straight for it and started grabbing things. “No, Timmy!” the other kids would say, snatching their candy out of his hand. Then, the minute they turned their back, he grabbed something else.

Finally, Kenny decided to put an end to the problem. “All right, Timmy,” he said—perfectly pleasantly—“I’m arresting you.” Kenny got up, lifted Timmy out of the midst of it all, and brought him to me.

This happened three more times, until finally the kids took my suggestion and decided to put their candy away until sometime when Timmy wasn’t around.

So ended Timmy’s brief life of crime. I don’t think he learned anything from the incident, and I’m sure he runs the risk of being re-arrested the first time he gets a chance to commit a similar crime. Can’t really blame Timmy, though. When temptation is spread out right there in front of him, what could a 9-month-old be expected to do besides wade right in?

We would do well to remember this principle in regards to what we as moms spread out right in front of our children.

What kinds of media do we allow into our home? Do we allow books or videos where the characters have a generally bad attitude, where sin goes uncorrected, and where that sin is made to look fun or funny? Do we allow music with questionable lyrics or values that don’t match up with our family’s values? When we do—when we spread these actions and attitudes out in front of our kids—how can we be surprised if they want to wade right in?

What about our own actions? Are we spreading hypocrisy in front of our children by telling them not to lie, then instructing the to tell an unwanted caller that we’re not home? Do we tell them to be kind to their siblings, then we scream at them? Or tell them to be hard workers, then spend all day on Facebook? When we spread out in front of our kids the idea that gratifying our own desires and pleasing ourselves is what’s most important, is it any wonder they want to wade right in?

Moms, we have a choice, and we need to make our choice very carefully, because the odds are that whatever we spread out in front of them is what they will choose to get involved in. We can spread out the stuff of this world, or we can spread out God, His character, and His ways. Of course, we can’t guarantee that our children will choose God, but we can make it a whole lot more likely when we show them God and live out a relationship with Him in front of them.

Which will it be, moms? What will we influence our children to become involved in?

Proverbs 13:20—Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Because You’re Here

Megan Breedlove November 26, 2012 2 Comments

A few nights ago, Jessica had a nightmare. She came into our room crying and needing reassurance that no, no one was going to come into her room and take her. I made her a “bed” of quilts on the floor next to my side of the bed, and we told her she could sleep right there next to Mommy.

Jessica lay down on her “bed”, but all was not yet well. She was still scared, and she wasn’t able to settle down and go to sleep. (I would have taken her into my bed, but she is wiggly when she sleeps and usually keeps me awake or wakes me up repeatedly.) We reassured her that she was okay and that everything would be just fine, but it wasn’t enough. Jessica needed more.

“Can you sleep down here with me?” she asked in a small voice.

I thought about it for a second and decided that I was willing to sacrifice my sleep if that was what she needed. “Sure I can,” I said. That way, I figured, at least my husband would still get a good night’s sleep.

As I sat down next to Jessica and began to straighten out the covers over us, she said, “I’ll be able to sleep now because you’re here.” Sure enough, we lay down together, and within a minute or two, she was fast asleep.

I lost some sleep that night, but I gained a precious memory. I also gained some neat insight into exactly what Jesus did for us.

Just as Jessica needed someone down on the floor with her, we human beings needed Someone down here on earth with us. So, knowing our need, Jesus took on human form and came “down here”. But as incredible as that is, that He would be willing to do that, there’s even more to it. You see, His coming makes a huge difference in our daily lives, not just in our eternal destiny.

Remember how once I was down on the floor with her, Jessica said she could sleep, and how she was able to immediately fall asleep and stay comfortably sleeping the rest of the night? It’s like that with us. Jesus’ presence down here with us (now in the form of His Holy Spirit) means that we can feel loved, protected, and secure.

How much of a difference would that make in our daily life if we truly grasped that? Probably more than you might think.

If we just realized how much Jesus loves us, we could stop demanding that others fulfill our need for love. If we understood how powerful Jesus is, we would know that nothing can touch us outside of what He permits and to the extent that He permits. Knowing that we’re completely loved and fully protected, we could then rest easier, not just at night, but all day long. Better yet, all life long. We wouldn’t have to worry about—well, anything. We wouldn’t have to try to use others to get our needs met. We could turn all our concerns over to Someone Who is infinitely more capable than we are of dealing with what needs to be dealt with, and we could be at peace.

So if all this is really available to us, why don’t we take advantage of it?

Because we don’t really understand what Jesus has done for us.

Most of us know that Jesus took the punishment we deserved for our sins, so that we didn’t have to. We understand that when we die, we’ll go to heaven instead of hell. What we don’t really comprehend is how much of a difference His presence with us makes in the meantime.

I didn’t really do anything big for Jessica that night. I was just there. That was all she needed.

Really, that’s all we need, too. To know that Jesus is here and that we can rest in Him. Precious mom, if you didn’t know this before, now you do.

“Jesus, we’re okay now. Because You’re here.”

Matthew 1:23—Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.

Stylish Accessories

Megan Breedlove November 19, 2012 No Comments

I’m currently on the lookout for a semi-narrow black belt I can wear with a couple long tops I recently bought. In order to achieve the look I want, it must be neither too narrow nor too chunky. And in order to achieve the budget I want, it must be reasonably priced.

Yet the belt isn’t the point of either outfit. The point of the first one is a long, red sweater; the point of the second is a soft, black-and-white draped kind of top. In both cases, the belt is merely an accessory.

I’ve been thinking, as we head into this holiday season with Thanksgiving just around the corner and Christmas not too long after, that we often treat God as a sort-of accessory to our holidays rather than the main point. It’s like the main point of Thanksgiving is family, turkey, and football, with a little bit of God thrown in so we have someone to thank for all our stuff. Likewise, the point of Christmas seems to be the decorations and the presents, with a little bit of Jesus thrown in so we can feel good about having remembered the true “reason for the season” in the midst of the shopping frenzy or before we rip into the wrapping paper.

And this year, my heart is grieved. I’m grieved that we don’t care more about God all year round. I’m grieved we have to make it a point to remember Jesus at His birthday because we’re so distracted by all the stuff. I’m grieved that we act like He is the accessory to our celebrations rather than the focal point.

Although when I think about it, I’m not surprised. That’s because God isn’t the focal point of our life the rest of the year, so why would He the main focus during the holidays? Often, we live our lives with our focus on other people, including ourselves, with God as a benevolent genie in the sky we can invoke when we need some plan of ours blessed or some request granted. Or maybe we spend the rest of the year being mad at Him for something He’s done or failed to do, so we’re sure not going to let Him intrude on our holiday celebrations.

Precious mom, this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. God is the point of everything, not the accessory to it. He is the One Who created all things and continuously upholds them by the word of His power (Hebrews 1:3), including you and me. He wants to be our life, not be part of our life, as if the main point of our life is something other than Him.

So yes, enjoy the time with family and friends this holiday season. Enjoy the food. Enjoy the gifts! Just make sure that you remember they’re not the point, and they never were. God is the point and always has been. Not just at the holiday season, but all year round.

Hebrews 1:3a—The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word.

What Isn’t There

Megan Breedlove November 12, 2012 2 Comments

On one wall of my kitchen hangs a dry erase board. It’s terribly handy for keeping track of things or leaving notes for one another. My kids think it’s also great for drawing on.

This morning, Jessica was sitting on the counter drawing on my board. “Look, Mommy!” she said. “Look at the kitty I drew.”

I looked at the board and saw nothing but blue scribbles. I don’t mean that she had drawn poorly. I mean she had literally scribbled in wide swaths across the board.

“Uh…” I said.

“Look at the erased part,” Jessica said.

I tried again to see what she wanted me to see, and suddenly, I saw it. In the midst of the blue scribbles were some eraser marks, as if she had taken the corner of the eraser and used it like a marker to create (by erasing) a drawing in the midst of the scribbles. And sure enough, when I looked at the erased parts, the drawing of a kitty was clear.

“I see it!” I said excitedly, and Jessica smiled.

It’s understandable that I didn’t see the kitty right away. When you’re asked to look at something someone has drawn, you usually look at what is there rather than what isn’t.

The only problem is, sometimes what isn’t there is what you’re supposed to see.

We moms are experts at seeing what is there in front of us. The messy house, the misbehavior, the logistics of having to get all the kids ready to go somewhere—we see those, all right. But do we see what isn’t there?

Right now, as I write, my 8-month-old son Timmy is pulling up on my desk chair. That’s what is there. What isn’t there is his newborn cry, his blinking bewilderedly at a world he can barely see, or his wobbly attempts to push himself up when he’s lying flat on his stomach. Those things don’t happen anymore because he’s grown out of them.

But I haven’t. I still remember cuddling him against my chest when he was fresh and new, only seconds old. I miss some of the things that no longer happen, even though I rejoice that Timmy is growing as God meant him to.

Other things that are no longer here, I don’t miss. For example, I still need to discipline my children when they’ve done something wrong (obviously). But the discipline issues have changed. This morning, I was frustrated about a particular issue with my oldest daughter, Ellie. This issue does indeed need to be dealt with, because it’s here. But what’s not here anymore is her tattling. She’s grown past that, thank God. She’s learned how to handle things in a more mature way.

The point is simply this: sometimes we need to see what’s not there as well as what is. Even though enjoying present moments is important, it’s also valuable to remember pleasant memories that have gone before. We can give God thanks and praise not only for what’s happening now, but for what’s been happening all along.

We also need to remember the negative things that were once here but no longer. It’s easy to focus on all the things we’re dealing with in the present, but it’s also helpful and encouraging to remember all the things we no longer have to deal with that once seemed like they would be endless. Yes, we’re still working on plenty of areas, but we’ve conquered even more.

Ultimately, the purpose of remembering—whether lovely things that resulted in precious memories, or not-so-lovely things that have ceased to happen—is to turn our eyes to God. You see, He is always at work, sometimes behind the scenes, sometimes out in front. Nothing stays the same forever, and someday, some of those pleasant moments you now enjoy will have moved on, to be replaced by something else. Likewise, the things you struggle with now will be only memories.

So, yes, live in the moment. Enjoy what’s going on, or deal with it, as the case may be. But don’t forget to see what isn’t there. Sometimes it’s just as important as what is.

John 5:17—Jesus said to them, “My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I, too, am working.”

Badder and Badder

Megan Breedlove November 5, 2012 No Comments

Last night, I took my four older children to a friend’s house for a playdate. Her 6-year-old daughter is my 6-year-old’s BFF, and her son is friends with my older son and daughter. All the kids get along together, and it’s always a fun and relaxing time for my friend and me to chat.

We were standing in the kitchen catching up on each other’s lives and finishing preparing supper when Lindsey limped in, dragging her right leg. Her pants were pulled up above a quarter-sized mildly pink spot on her knee. I could immediately tell that whatever had happened was not the grievous injury the limping would seem to indicate, but I was curious. “What happened?” I asked.

“I bonked my knee on that thing that’s next to the couch,” Lindsey said.

“The ottoman?” my friend asked.

“I guess that’s what it’s called,” Lindsey said.

I peered at her knee. “Looks like you’ll be okay,” I said.

I was eventually able to convince Lindsey to return to her play. For a few minutes, that is. A short time later, she returned to the kitchen, still limping. “My knee is hurting badder and badder,” she said.

“It’ll do that,” I said. “Your knee will start feeling worse when you walk funny on it and put stresses on it in a way it wasn’t meant to take.”

Hmm. Sounds like life, doesn’t it? When we put stresses on ourselves in ways we were never meant to, we make life much more difficult than it has to be.

It’s true that some stresses are unavoidable. For example, being a mom brings a certain amount of stress that you really can’t avoid and will have to cope with if you don’t want to go crazy or get burned out. But a lot of times, we moms put more stress on ourselves than what is strictly necessary.

One primary way we do this is by believing the lie that we have to be perfect. Oh, we say we don’t believe that, but our actions show that we do. When the cupcakes little Johnny was supposed to take to school don’t turn out right, or we forget to put the birthday party invitations in the mail, or little Suzy can’t find her favorite shirt because we haven’t done laundry in far too long, we can come down pretty hard on ourselves. What we would excuse as an understandable mistake in someone else seems totally inexcusable when we’re the person making the mistake.

Another way we make things too hard is by heaping unwarranted guilt on ourselves. Whether our misdeed is yelling at our children when they didn’t deserve it, taking the kids through a drive-through somewhere six nights in a single week, or forgetting to go to the school play, we heap guilt on ourselves, and that voice in our head that tells us we’re not a good enough mom cranks up the volume.

I haven’t met a mom yet who says she never struggles with this. It’s completely, totally normal.

It’s also completely, totally sinful.

Whoa, what? Say that again. Sinful?

Yep. Having standards different from God’s is sin.

But doesn’t God expect perfection?

Moral perfection, yes. But there are certain kinds of mistakes that are not sin because they are simply mistakes. Baking the cupcakes at the wrong temperature so that they turn crispy is not sin; it’s a simple mistake. God doesn’t expect us to be perfect in these non-moral kinds of ways. So when we act like anything less than perfection is unacceptable, we are holding to standards that are different from God’s. We are sinning.

When we make the kind of mistake that is an actual sin, such as speaking harshly to a child in anger, then yes, we do need to repent. We need to hold to the same standard God does, that any kind of sin is unacceptable. The problem comes when we act like we must continue to pay a penalty for our offense by beating ourselves up with our guilt even after we’ve repented and sought forgiveness. We must not repeatedly resurrect our offense and rub our emotions raw with it. When we do that, we’re saying that God’s grace only goes so far. It’ll get us into heaven, but until then, we have to live in misery. That’s completely opposite from God’s standard of full, complete, and immediate forgiveness.

Precious mom, do you hold standards that are different from God’s? Ask Him to show you where you are requiring something more or different from what He requires of you. Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself that God wouldn’t put on you. It’ll only cause you to limp longer than you have to.

Psalm 103:12—As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.