One of my son Timmy’s favorite toys is a blue elephant. It has a plush head and a crinkly body. Each of its arms and legs (well, since it’s an elephant, I guess all four appendages are legs, but two of them look like arms) ends in a bumpy plastic piece that’s apparently a lot of fun to chew on. The only problem was that the elephant was quite floppy, and sometimes Timmy had trouble getting it into his mouth in exactly the right position to chew on whatever part of it he had in mind.
Such was the case one particular morning. Timmy was crinkling that elephant’s body and trying to mash it into his face somehow, and apparently it was not going well. Timmy was making these grunting, growling noises (I couldn’t help thinking of a dog worrying a bone). Eventually, he got frustrated enough that he began crying and letting out little screams.
“What’s the matter with Timmy?” one of his sisters asked.
“He’s getting really mad at the elephant because he can’t chew on it the way he wants to,” I said.
Of course, Timmy wasn’t mad at the elephant, exactly. He was mad about the situation in general. Being mad at the elephant would have made as much sense as…well, as the way we moms act sometimes.
Some of us are masters at blaming others for “making” us feel a certain way. We tell our kids they made us mad. We tell our husband he made us feel unloved. We tell people they made us feel embarrassed, or insignificant, or stupid. To listen to us tell it, our feelings are all other people’s fault.
The problem with a statement like that is that it’s a lie.
No one else is responsible for our feelings. No one else makes us feel a certain way. Our kids didn’t irritate us. They argued with each other, and we chose to become irritated about it. Our husband didn’t upset us. He failed to compliment us, and we responded by becoming upset.
Well, what else was I supposed to feel in a certain situation? you ask. If my child disobeys for the thousandth time, what else would I feel but mad?
Answer: anything you want.
You see, you are the one who has the power to determine your feelings. Not your kids, not your husband, not your friends. Not even strangers. Nobody else but you.
How do I know this is true? Because Jesus did it.
But I’m not Jesus!
Granted. And I’m not either. But remember that one reason Jesus came was to show us not what only God could do on His own, but what He could do through human beings if they relied completely on Him and let Him determine their actions and reactions.
Saying that you can’t react any differently when people offend you is like saying the God in you isn’t big enough to change you, and that’s a lie. God is big enough, powerful enough, and wise enough to do anything. He can certainly change your heart. He can teach you new ways to respond to others. He can make you, in the area of your emotions, a picture of His loving grace instead of your own selfish desire to require others to treat you rightly so that you never have to think about forgiving or turning the other cheek.
But first, you have to admit that you have a choice as to how you react to others. You have to acknowledge that you can choose.
It’s hard sometimes. Believe me; I know. I have been deeply offended and wounded at times in my life. But I can choose how I respond to those wounds. I can either allow others’ wrong treatment of me to determine my emotional responses and get me stuck in bitterness and negativity, or I can admit that with God’s help, I’m free to choose another response that will bring emotional life instead of death.
I know which one I want to choose, though I have to admit I don’t always do it. It would be much easier to blame others for the way I feel. But the only thing I can blame them for is their words and actions. I have to blame me for my response.
I need to grow in this area. Perhaps you do too. So let’s pray for each other to be willing to accept the responsibility for our reactions and then to turn to God for help to make our responses what they should be. Because without Him, we simply can’t do it. But with Him, we can.
Philippians 4:13—I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Proverbs 3:7-8— Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.