How to Be Humble

Overacheiver

Megan Breedlove March 18, 2013 1Comment

At one point when my children were younger, I had three of them enrolled in a Mother’s Day Out program for two days per week. They attended class on Mondays and Wednesdays from 9 to 2. Each Monday after I picked them up, we would go to the library, where each child got to choose the number of books corresponding to his or her age and then got a piece of candy from the nice librarian at check-out.

One particular Monday, it was a gray, rainy day. I could barely get inside the church where their program was held without getting soaked. I really didn’t feel like trying to take four kids to the library while keeping everyone dry.

So I entered Lindsey’s classroom with the intention of telling the kids that we wouldn’t make it to the library that day. Another mother was already in the room picking up her son. As Lindsey came to greet me, this other mom knelt down to zip up her son’s jacket.

“Looks nasty out there,” the kids’ teacher said, glancing outside, where the rain was beating against the windows.

And this other mother said to her son, “That’s right, we’re not going to be able to play outside today. So we’re going to go home, make a tent in the living room, and have hot cocoa and marshmallows instead. Won’t that be fun?”

Overachiever, I thought. Right on the heels of that negativity, I realized, There’s no reason to be negative. I could have done the same thing she did.

There are two points I want to make.

The first is this: my immediate reaction to the other mom’s words was negative. Instead of thinking, Wow, what a great idea! I thought, Oh, come on. Now I feel guilty about my decision. In other words, I had taken the easy way out, and I resented someone who was doing what I (here’s the second point) could just as well have done. Like she did, I could have turned the circumstances into an opportunity for fun.

It’s not necessarily bad to scrap plans for the library when the weather is nasty. But I wish I had had that other mom’s perspective. I wish I had realized on my own that the thing that messed up my plans was the very thing that could help me create some really special fun. I wish I had looked at changed circumstances as an opportunity rather than a loss.

If I had, I never would have compared her actions to mine and felt like I came up short. But whether or not I shared her creativity, I should never have had negative thoughts about the great idea she had. Her idea had nothing to do with me, and no, it didn’t make me look bad (even though it felt like it did). There was no reason to feel like I looked bad just because she planned something more creative, and even if I had, there was no reason to resent her for coming up with something I hadn’t thought of.

I’m not proud of my attitude, because it stems from pride. I want to be the best mommy. I don’t want to feel like my kids are getting the short end of the stick because someone else’s mommy plans better fun. I don’t want to feel “less than” some other mommy because she’s more creative or more fun or has more energy or whatever. And the thing of it is, I don’t have to. Neither do you.

There’s absolutely no reason to compare ourselves to other moms. Sure, if another mom has a good idea, we might want to incorporate that into our day or our family. But being down on ourselves just because our weakness compared unfavorably to someone else’s strength? Ridiculous. Not how God wants us to spend our time.

You see, He made each of us the way we are. He granted some abilities to me that you don’t have, and some abilities to you that I don’t have. He made some of us better at creativity and others of us better at organization. God doesn’t want us to compare ourselves to some other mom, because she is not the standard He has for our lives anyway.

Learn from her, yes. Imitate her? Maybe. But compare ourselves to her? No.

I’ve learned to be more creative over the years. If I were to find myself in the same situation today, I might very well have thought of something fun to do at home. But even if I hadn’t, I would no longer feel bad just because another mom thought of something I didn’t.

That’s because I now know that what makes me a good mom has nothing to do with how I compare to another mom or whether or not I do things the same way she does. I’m a good enough mom if I’m the best mom I can be—not if I’m someone else.

1 Samuel 17:38-39—Then Saul dressed David in his own tunic. He put a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his head. David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them. “I cannot go in these,” he said to Saul, “because I am not used to them.” So he took them off. (NIV)

Pigeons on the Diamond

Megan Breedlove July 2, 2012 0Comment

I love baseball. I can’t tell you the stats of every player or which team does what, but I love the game. I could watch it every day and never get tired. That’s why receiving the generous gift of front-row tickets right behind home plate at our local ballpark has been one of the highlights of my summer for the past three years.

This year, I was sitting in my leather-padded seat watching the opening moments of the game. My husband and baby son Timmy sat to my left; two friends sat to my right. The players were right there on the field getting ready at home plate, so close that if I had called out to them, they could easily have heard me.

Then I noticed that the players weren’t the only ones on the field. A couple of pigeons strutted around not too far from the plate, stopping now and then to peck at something in the turf. I found this amusing. While the ballgame was going on all around them (with 46,711 people in attendance), while important human things were taking place just yards from them, those pigeons just went about their pigeon-y business, oblivious to the spectacle.

That’s why I found it amusing—the incongruity of the pageantry of a sold-out major league baseball game juxtaposed against a a couple of pigeons who didn’t care.

They were a great illustration of how we human beings sometimes get too full of our own importance.

That’s one of the things about being a human: it’s really easy to focus on ourselves. We build ourselves up in our own minds until we deserve all the hoopla we surround ourselves with. We come to think we deserve the adulation of crowds of people (or at least the members of our family). Whenever we step up to the plate, people should take notice. Everybody should care.

When we discover that there are pigeons in our lives—that there are people who aren’t impressed with our greatness—we often become irritated. That person doesn’t appreciate me, we say to ourselves, and we feel that we are righteously angry.

There’s only one problem with that: we aren’t playing for the pigeons.

Josh Hamilton, one of baseball’s greatest players, played in the game that night. He stood at the plate while the pigeons ignored him. But He wasn’t playing for the pigeons. He wasn’t even playing for the fans either, really. Josh is a Christian, and he understands about playing for the Audience of One.

I wonder if you and I really understand that, and I’m afraid we don’t. Too often, we play for the pigeons. Even more often, we play for the people in the stands. Granted, we may need to serve those people in the stands, but they’re not our ultimate audience. Our supreme Audience is Christ. Or at least, He should be.

Mom, you’re going to be called to step up to the plate today. Several times, in fact. You’ll have to approach the plate repeatedly and take your best swing no matter what life throws at you. If your swing isn’t what the crowd is hoping for, there might be silence. There might even be boos. Either way, the pigeons won’t care.

What will you do then? Will you throw your bat to the ground and yell at everybody in the ballpark that they should have appreciated you more? Or will you focus on your Audience of One, knowing that He always loves and appreciates you?

On the other hand, perhaps you’ll do something the crowd likes, and they’ll cheer you. Will you run the bases and then stop at home plate, your hands in the air, acknowledging the crowd’s approval, but forgetting all about your other Audience?

Mom, think about Whom you’re playing for. It’s not the crowd. It’s certainly not the pigeons. It’s the Audience of One. The only One who really matters. Any cheers you get from those around you are just background noise—nice, but not all that important. What matters is what the Audience thinks.

Whom would He say you’re playing for today?

Colossians 3:23-24—Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.

Helping Us

Megan Breedlove March 15, 2010 0Comment

It’s hard to believe Ellie has been potty-trained for four years now. It seems like just yesterday that I would get so excited when she got even a little trickle into the potty. “Good job!” I’d say, trying to strike the right balance between affirmation and not calling too much attention to the whole process.

My husband and I joked that Ellie should write a coffee table book, one of those oversized ones with pictures, called Potties of America, because she liked to check out the potty everywhere we went. It didn’t matter if she’d just successfully used the potty at Target; when we walked into Wal-Mart, she suddenly had to go again.

Potty training was going well. But every now and then, Ellie still needed a little help with clothes that were difficult to unfasten. I remember one time when my husband told Ellie to go potty, since we were about to leave the house. “But Daddy, I can’t get the button,” Ellie said.

So Daddy helped her manage the difficult fastening.

Maybe this scene seems insignificant, considering that similar ones happen in households across the world every day. But it illustrates a profound spiritual truth.

Just as Ellie’s daddy responded when she needed help in completing what he asked her to do, so our heavenly Father responds when we need His help in carrying out the services He asks of us.

We often hear the statement, “God won’t give you anything you can’t handle.”

I would amend that to say, “God won’t give you anything you can’t handle with His help.”

He most certainly does assign us tasks that are beyond—sometimes far beyond—our ability to complete on our own. But He always offers the help we need to be able to achieve what He’s required of us.

God will never charge us with accomplishing something with which He will not also help us. Can you imagine an earthly parent saying to her child, “It’s time for you to learn how to drive. Here are the keys. Good luck, because I won’t be with you. I hope you figure it out”?

Of course not. And if we, being evil, know how to come to our children’s aid, and are willing to do so, how much more does our heavenly Father desire to help us do what He asks of us?

Sometimes, as moms, as Christians, or as both, we get the idea that we shouldn’t need help, because we should be able to do everything by ourselves. Then, when we run into trouble, we spend far too much time trying on our own to force things to work out, when clearly the situation is beyond our capabilities.

The next time we encounter difficulties—and there will come a next time—let’s be quick to lay down our pride and our mistaken ideas that we have the ability to be independent. Let’s recognize and admit it when we need help.

For one thing, we were made to need our Creator, and it’s a mistake ever to think we can be independent. For another, when we show a watching world that we need Him, and that He is sufficient to make us fully capable, we bring Him glory.

And bringing Him glory is a far greater privilege than being able to say, “I did it myself.”

Matthew 7:11—If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

2 Samuel 22:30—With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.

Independence

Megan Breedlove March 8, 2010 0Comment

At two years old, my youngest child, Jessica, has entered her independent stage. I used to be able to help her do things like get into the van. Not anymore. “No! Do it myself!” she wails if I try to assist her.

There are many things Jessica wants to do by herself, but she’s not always able to do what she desires. It gets frustrating for me, having to watch her attempt something for herself that I could do for her ten times faster, and not be “allowed” to help her.

Sometimes, when Jessica realizes she can’t do something, she’ll ask for help. Other times, she won’t. She’ll just keep trying unsuccessfully, usually fussing about it.

Jessica’s not alone in wanting to be independent when she really needs help. You and I are the same way. Take mothering, for example. Often, we’re slow to ask for help because we think that we should be able to do it all—that if we would just try harder or better, we could do everything.

It’s bad enough when we try to mother without being willing to ask for or accept assistance from other mothers. It’s worse when we try to navigate life without help from God.

How many times have we called our friends or family first when we’re faced with a problem, instead of talking to God? How often have we found ourselves in the middle of a situation before we remembered to pray?

If you’re like me, the answer is “far too many times”.

We want to do things on our own because we can thus maintain the illusion of control, or because we want to believe that we’re ultra-capable and thereby give our self-esteem a boost.

But do you know what? We weren’t made to be independent of God.

Even when we think we’re independent, we’re not. When we think we’re accomplishing life without God’s help, we’re not. After all, who gave us our bodies that we use to accomplish things? Who gave us our mind, our personality, our skills?

Anything we accomplish is done with God’s help, even if we don’t specifically ask for it.

We may not know this, but God does. He’s well aware of our limitations because He created us. How ridiculous must it look to Him when He sees us thinking we’ve got it all together and don’t need His help?

Sometimes, as I do with Jessica, God stands back and watches, letting us come to the realization that we can’t do something on our own. I’ll bet it frustrates Him. But He knows we have to come face to face with our insufficiency so that we can realize we are merely creatures, and we need Him.

When God shows us we need His help, what do we do? Do we keep trying to do the task on our own, complaining, stressing about it and refusing to ask for help? Or do we humble ourselves and admit our need?

What are you and I facing right now in life wherein we need God’s help? (If our answer is “nothing”, we’re badly mistaken.) Have we admitted that we need help, or are we still struggling along on our own, struggling, complaining, and stressing?

May we be quick to acknowledge our limitations, let God take our burdens, and accept the help He offers.

1 Corinthians 4:7—What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?

2 Chronicles 14:11— Then Asa called to the LORD his God and said, “Lord, there is no one like you to help the powerless against the mighty. Help us, O LORD our God, for we rely on you.”

I Want to Help

Megan Breedlove January 25, 2010 0Comment

My youngest child, Jessica, loves to help me around the house. At almost two, she is eager to do whatever she sees Mommy doing. Often, she is the one to initiate helping.

One day last week, I was in the kitchen making my kids’ favorite supper, macaroni and cheese. I saw that the water was boiling, so I went over to the counter, where I had set out the boxes of noodles. At that point, Jessica entered the kitchen. “I want to help,” she said, walking over to me.

“Okay,” I said, opening the boxes and removing the cheese packets. I handed her one of the boxes. “Will you please carry this over to the stove for me?”

Jessica followed me to the stove, carrying her box of macaroni. I poured in mine, then hers. “Thank you for helping,” I said.

I try to encourage Jessica’s helpful spirit every chance I get. I usually don’t need her help, and in fact, it often takes me longer to complete a task with her help than without it. But I allow her to help for two primary reasons: first, because she considers it a privilege to help me, and second, because helping Mommy gets her in the habit of helping others.

These are the same reasons God allows us to help Him. He doesn’t need our help. He is the Almighty Creator of the Universe, Who made the world in six days. He doesn’t need us to help Him do anything. But He allows us to help because He knows it is a privilege for us to help Him.

Granted, there are some tasks God asks us to perform that are not pleasant. These are the ones we balk at. We don’t want to do them, so we complain. We forget that God always has a purpose for asking, and that purpose may involve our character development somehow, but certainly involves His glory. If we do what He asked, we do it grudgingly.

Where is our delight in being allowed to do anything at all for Him? Why do we not count ourselves privileged that He involves us with Him in His work by asking us to do something? We can either focus on the part of the task we don’t like, or we can choose to remember that God is allowing us to participate with Him in His work, and we can be grateful.

The second reason I allow Jessica to help is to get her in the habit of being helpful, and we can be certain this is part of God’s plan for us, as well. But He may not always allow us to help others in the grand ways we want to.

It could be that the job He wants done is small. It might also be that God knows we still need training before we will be ready to handle the big jobs. If I had told Jessica to make the macaroni herself, she would have failed, because she is not ready for that task.

In the same way, God sometimes gives us small jobs because He knows we are not yet ready for the bigger ones. Maybe there is a character issue He needs to refine. Maybe we simply need to learn a new skill.

Are you and I willing to perform small tasks for God, or do we only want to do the bigger ones? Are we willing to staple handouts for our group, or will we only be satisfied with being the group’s leader? Are we contented with singing our child to sleep, or will we only be satisfied if we can be the church soloist?

Let’s be grateful that God is willing to use us at all. We don’t deserve the privilege of helping Him, yet He has chosen to offer it to us, and in the most precious of all ways—caring for our children. We’ve already been awarded the most important task there is. Let’s perform whatever else He asks us with gratitude for His allowing us to work for His kingdom alongside Him.

After all, serving God is both a privilege and an honor. May we never act as if it’s anything less.

Psalm 84:10—Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.