How to Pray

Nothin’ But Gum

My youngest daughter Jessica will be turning four in a little less than two weeks. Yesterday, I asked her for ideas of what gifts she might like to receive for her birthday. She thought about it, then said, “I don’t know.”

“Would you like a toy for your Squinkies?” I asked. “Or maybe the jet for Littlest Pet Shop?”

“The jet for Littlest Pet Shop!” she said. “No, wait. How about…gum?”

“O-kay, you can have gum,” I said.

“Would I have to share?” Jessica asked politely.

“No, this would be your birthday gum,” I said. “It would all be for you.”

“Yay!” she said excitedly, a grin lighting up her face.

I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised at her response. Despite the fact that Jessica loves to play with her toys, especially when someone will play with her, she has frequently shown more excitement over gum than she has over a new toy. In fact, once she received ten dollars from her grandma for her birthday. “Can I buy a gumball?” she asked hopefully.

“Sweetie, you can buy a lot of gumballs for ten dollars,” I said.

“Yay!” she responded.

I wonder how old she’ll be before gum isn’t all that impressive anymore…or before she realizes that she can ask for both gum and toys. On the one hand, I’m very glad she’s content with simple things for now. On the other hand, I want her to know there’s much more available to her.

I bet that’s how God feels with respect to our requests. Certainly He’s glad when we’re content with the basics, as far as material things are concerned. But regarding spiritual things, I bet He wishes we would ask for so much more than we do.

Our prayers tend to be small. Limited. We ask for money to pay the bills, for physical health, or for a new job. Granted, those are all good things, and we should bring these requests to God when they arise. But if all we pray for is physical or material things, we’re missing a huge part of what prayer is supposed to be about.

The Bible tells us that God can do far more than we can even ask or imagine, spiritually speaking. He can grant us spiritual victories over temptation or discouragement. He can produce the fruit of the Spirit in us. He can change our hearts to love someone we really don’t like. He can make us bold witnesses for His Name’s sake. He can fill us with joy despite our circumstances. He can make His own glory shine through us. Yet how often do we ask Him for any of these things?

I know it’s easy to get caught up in the seemingly more urgent material needs that we have. Happens to me too. But if we pray about those things to the exclusion of spiritual things, we’re missing something. And if we think we need our husband to get a job, or need our allergies to stop bothering us, more than we need spiritual strength, we’re mistaken.

What are you asking God for, spiritually speaking? If you’re like me, too often the answer is not much. Or perhaps, again like me, you remember to ask for a few days in a row, but the next thing you know, it’s been a month since you’ve prayed about it.

Will you try something with me this week? Let’s ask God to open our eyes to the spiritual blessings we’re missing out on because we don’t ask. Let’s ask Him to show us what kinds of spiritual things we need to be praying about. Then, let’s ask Him to grant us the desire to do so, and the ability to remember to engage in this new habit.

You see, Satan doesn’t want us to pray about the spiritual things. He’s probably thrilled if we spend all our time praying about our car or our house or our dog. He knows, better than we do sometimes, that it’s the prayers for spiritual things that are the most dangerous to his kingdom. He wants us to forget to pray, or not to realize the importance of it.

But greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. And He who is in us is the one who will go on this adventure with us. Let’s let Him lead us on the most fantastically fulfilling adventure of our lives. Will you try it?

Ephesians 3:20-21—Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

I John 4:4—Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

The Mooch

My daughter Jessica is a mooch. She’s a happy, cheerful little mooch. In fact, she admits to being one. Sometimes, she will say, “Mommy? Guess what I’m going to do after I finish my lunch.”

“What?” I ask, as if I don’t know.

“I’m going to mooch your lunch,” she’ll say with a mischievous grin.

Other times, there’s no warning at all. As I sit eating a snack, I’ll sense a presence next to me, and I’ll look up to see Jessica standing there with her mouth open, her index finger pointing to her tongue, a grin crinkling her eyes. “Aaaaahhhhh,” she’ll say cheerfully when I notice her.

Jessica comes to me when she knows I have what she wants. She comes confidently, expecting to receive what she asks for. She comes to her mother the way we should come to our Father: eagerly, cheerfully, and expectantly.

I’ll confess that I don’t always approach God that way. I sometimes ask Him for things, knowing He can provide them, but not really expecting Him to. I don’t come confidently; I come out of a sense of obligation. I know I’m supposed to make my requests known to God, so I do. Not that I think it’ll do any good, I think to myself.

Maybe you too sometimes have difficulty believing God will grant what you desire. True, there are times when God says no to our requests. He knows far better than we do what would be a good thing for us, and He sometimes says no when we think He should say yes. But that doesn’t mean we should approach Him merely out of a sense of duty, not out of a sense of expectancy. You see, each time we make a request of God, He grants us what’s best for us. It may not be what we asked for, but if not, it’s going to be something better.

This can be a tough pill to swallow. Some requests seem so obviously good that we can’t imagine their ever being denied. But God often denies the seemingly good in order to give us what is certainly best.

That’s because He desires to give good gifts to His children. He rejoices in giving us what is best for us. He looks forward to our requests, because He knows He will have the chance to give us a gift. Yet when He goes for the “best” instead of the “good”, we get mad or hurt. We think He’s done nothing, when in reality, He’s done even better than what we asked for.

I’m still learning this truth myself. Even now, I can think of situations where I might make a certain request, be denied, then wonder how God’s actual answer could be better than what I asked for. But either I believe God or I don’t. Either He knows what He’s doing, or He doesn’t. Either He’s God in times of suffering just as much as He is in times of joy, or He isn’t.

I choose to believe that He is. I hope you will choose the same. Then we can both look forward to bringing our requests to God, knowing that either way—whether our request is denied or fulfilled—we will receive something good.

Psalm 107:9—For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

Don’t Hit the Camel

Recently, we took the kids to Chuck E. Cheese. This was a different visit from the one when Kenny got his tokens stolen. This visit wasn’t for dinner; we just took them so they could play all the games.

Lindsey is a fun kid to trail after as she chooses game after ride after game. Once when I was following her, she chose a game designed for little kids where the player has to steer an actual car along a wide, gentle track. The idea is to try to stay in the middle and not run over anything on the sides. Lindsey did pretty well for the most part, even though that game doesn’t have very responsive steering. But at one point on the track, where she was supposed to steer left, she kept failing to turn and running over the picture of the camel standing just to the right of the track in the grass.

It was kind of funny, actually. Every time she approached, I would say, in a funny voice, “Here comes the camel! Don’t run him over!” or something similar. Lindsey would giggle, do her best to steer to the left, and run over the camel anyway.

And the thought hit me, about the third time the camel met its demise: Someday, I’m going to hand this girl the keys to my car and turn her loose on streets full of unsuspecting citizens. Yes, this girl who can’t even stop running over the camel.

It was a kind of scary thought (though I hope—I pray!—Lindsey’s driving skills will have improved quite a bit by then). But then, I realized something even more mind-blowing: Jesus did the same thing, but in an even more important context.

When He ascended into heaven, Jesus entrusted the furtherance of His kingdom to His apostles and other followers. True, they would have the Holy Spirit, but even so, Jesus was depending on these guys who didn’t even understand what “rising from the dead” meant to spread His kingdom all over the world. He was entrusting the most precious thing on earth—the gospel message—to guys who only weeks before had run away so as not to be associated with Him and even denied Him.

He still does the same thing today. He still trusts imperfect people with the responsibility to spread the good news. And we, in our own power, are far less competent to make an impact for Him than Lindsey is to stop running over the camel. She, in her natural human abilities that God has granted her, will probably learn to drive a car quite well one day. We, in our merely human abilities, can do nothing of eternal value on our own. That’s right, nothing. Jesus Himself even said it: “Apart from Me, you can do nothing.” Yet He has chosen us to be His fellow-workers, and He has granted us the privilege of serving Him in spreading His glory throughout the world, starting right here in our own homes.

So what does all this mean? It means that apart from Him, we’re guaranteed to blow it. Maybe we’d still be decent moms by the world’s standards, but we’re going to blow the chance to be the kind of moms we could be. We need to live in serious dependence upon the Holy Spirit for His wisdom, help, and enabling, every second of every day.

Just as Lindsey will eventually need Driver’s Ed and lots of practice at somewhere other than Chuck E. Cheese, so we as moms need practice. We need training guided by the Holy Spirit. We need to ask Him each day to help us do the job He’s given us to and to make us the kind of moms we want to be.

Consulting Him doesn’t have to take long. It can be as brief as a minute. Each of us has at least a minute per day we can go before God and ask Him to correct us where we need it and build us up when we need that. Let’s do it. Otherwise, we’ll do “nothing”.

John 15:5—”I am the vine; you are the branches. If a [mom] remains in me and I in [her], [she] will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

Persistence

My youngest daughter, two-year-old Jessica, went through a phase where she really didn’t like to take ‘no’ for an answer. I mean, really. To her, my saying ‘no’ was little more than encouragement to repeat her request, over and over, louder and louder.

Usually, once I’ve said no, I try to be consistent. I know it’s important to stick by what I say and enforce the rules I’ve made. Otherwise, my children will learn that if they just beg, whine, or argue long enough, I’ll give in.

But I have a confession to make. It may not be the best parenting technique in the world, but sometimes, I decide that the battle isn’t worth it. There are times when I don’t really care enough about the boundary I’ve set to be willing to do battle in order to maintain it. So I give in.

When I can tell that Jessica is just being obstinate about not getting her way, it’s much easier for me to maintain my ‘no’. But when it seems that her request is really important to her, my heart is moved to listen.

It’s like the parable of the widow before the unjust judge. The unjust judge didn’t care about her request, but because of her persistence, he gave in to her so that she’d leave him alone. When Jesus told this parable, He made the point that if an unloving human being would be moved by another’s unrelenting request, how much more would God’s heart be moved by the petitions of His beloved children?

It took years before I understood this parable. I was confused by the fact that we sometimes have to ask God many times before He grants something. After all, shouldn’t once be enough?

Sometimes, it’s not, but not because God doesn’t know about our requests. After all, even before a word is on our tongue, He knows it completely. The reason we have to keep asking sometimes is so we—not He—can see how important something is to us.

Many of our requests, we’re not willing to ask about more than once. If we don’t get what we asked for, we shrug our shoulders and move on. Only if something seems vitally important right now do we pray repeatedly. Over time, our urgency seems to fade.

Most of us wouldn’t pray a mere one time for our child’s salvation, or when our children are sick, when we’re sick, or when we have a significant need that it’s obvious only God can meet. But unless it feels like a crisis to us, we usually don’t pray regularly for other things such as missionaries, political issues, or our church’s ministries.

May we learn to persist in prayer until God responds, with yes, no, or wait. Too often, we give up because we get tired of praying. May God build up our “prayer muscles” so that we have the spiritual stamina to pray as long as necessary, until God answers our requests.

For we know that in His perfect timing, He will answer. And He may grant our request precisely because of our persistence.

Luke 18:1—Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.

Fleeing

My children and I love to go to the park. There is a nice park two blocks from our house, and lately, I’ve been trying to take them there as much as possible while the weather is still nice (before it gets too blistering hot). My three older children ride their bikes, and I pull Jessica in our Radio Flyer wagon. We park our vehicles in our usual spot, a grassy area near a tree and a bench, and the kids head off to play.

Last week, we had played for awhile and were ready to head home. Ellie was in the lead on the sidewalk leading to the street, with Jessica and me bringing up the rear, when a stray dog loped into the park.

Ellie saw him, and she immediately got off her bike, dropping it to the ground, and ran towards me, arms outstretched, calling my name. “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!”

Ellie is scared of dogs that move unpredictably or quickly, and once, a large pit bull (who was actually trying to be friendly) jumped up on her to lick her, and wound up scratching her cheek with his front paw. So when she saw this dog running towards her, she was understandably terrified, and fled in the opposite direction toward me as quickly as she could.

Everything turned out fine. The dog didn’t hurt anyone, and we made it safely past him. But I learned an important lesson that day.

My daughter knows how to flee: immediately, quickly, and completely. I need to learn from her. Perhaps you do, too.

Too often, when you and I see danger coming, we don’t flee. Sometimes, the threat is something that can cause us physical, emotional, or financial harm. We know our Father is right there with us, yet for some insane reason, we don’t flee to Him. We try to meet the monster ourselves.

It’s a foolish strategy. Why in the world would we try to deal with the hazard ourselves when our Father is right there? Yet too often, we do. Maybe we’ve come to believe the proverb “God only helps those who help themselves” (which is NOT in the Bible), so we muster up our own puny abilities and deal with the problem. Possibly, we overestimate our capacity for dealing with it. Or maybe we don’t realize that God cares about our problem and wants to help us.

Whatever the reason, we confront the menace ourselves, and we lose.

Other times, the danger isn’t direct and immediate. Temptation rarely looks as dangerous as it is. We see temptation coming, and we don’t flee, because we figure there’s no need to go running. After all, we can stand our ground and refuse, can’t we? Or maybe we simply don’t want to flee the temptation. Maybe we want to do the thing we shouldn’t.

If we saw a tornado heading straight for our home while we were playing outside with our children, what would we do? Would we say, “Kids, it’s getting a little windy out here, so we’re going to go inside in about ten minutes”?

Of course not. We’d gather up our children as fast as we could and run into the house, crowd into the safest closet we had, and pray.

Why would we do any less when temptation approaches?

Whenever we’re threatened, whether by temptation, by an obvious physical danger, or by any other thing that troubles us, we should flee to our Father. Let’s admit that we don’t have the strength to fight anything on our own. We’re desperately in need of God’s assistance every single time—whether it comes in the form of His giving us strength to do the right thing, or of His slaying the dragon on our behalf.

Let’s take a lesson from my daughter. This week, let’s learn to flee.

Genesis 39:12—But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.

John 15:5—Apart from me you can do nothing.

Paper, Please

I was sitting in my rocker, nursing Jessica, when Lindsey entered the room. She went over to Ellie’s desk, got Ellie’s crayons down, and said, “I want to color.”

“Go ask Daddy for some paper,” I said, since I couldn’t get up to get her any at the moment.

She went out to the computer desk, where my husband was sitting, and said, “I need some paper.”

He didn’t hear her. “What?” he asked.

“I need some paper,” Lindsey repeated matter-of-factly.

“How do you ask nicely?” he said.

Lindsey responded, sweetly, “Paper, please.”

God used this simple exchange to illustrate an important truth.

Sometimes, we approach God and deliver our requests as if we’re placing an order, assuming they will be granted because we have spoken. It’s true that we should have confidence in approaching God, and that we should believe that He desires to grant us good gifts. But we should never be arrogant in approaching Him, and we should certainly never take Him for granted.

Why did we teach Lindsey to ask nicely for what she wanted? Because it’s polite. That’s how people like to be asked. God likes to be asked nicely, too. He is not our genie, where all we have to do is ask according to a certain formula in order to ensure that we will receive what we asked for. No, He is a Person. He wants us to ask him humbly for what we need, realizing that He may or may not grant it according to His far superior understanding of our needs and His sovereign purposes.

Yes, we are to come boldly, but let’s remember to Whom we are coming. We are approaching Almighty God, Creator of the universe, Master of everything. He is not our servant—we are His.

Most of us wouldn’t dream of saying to another human being, “I need some money,” and then walking away without so much as a thank you, expecting the person to give us any cash. Why, then, do we approach God this way?

Oh, maybe we phrase it differently. We’re more likely to say, “Dear God, please make me feel better. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.” But when our words are merely form, and when they reflect not a humble heart but a self-entitled one, we are not asking rightly.

Friend, are our prayers nothing more than demands delivered heavenward with our eyes closed, couched in spiritual terms so that they have a better chance of getting a “yes” answer? Do we speak to God with a complete failure to listen to what God might be saying in response? Do we fail to remember that we are speaking, not to a heavenly slot machine, but to a Person?

I know that when one of my children approaches me with a request and asks rightly, not only in words but with a heart that’s right toward me, I delight in granting the request, if at all possible. How much more then must God delight in doing so?

Lindsey’s words didn’t reflect any intent to be impolite. She was simply assuming that Daddy or I would meet her needs. Her words reflected confidence in us as her parents that we would give her what she needed.

We can have even greater confidence in our Heavenly Father that our needs will be met. He will always give us what we need, sometimes even before we ask at all.

But when we do ask, we should remember to do it out of a humble heart that recognizes that He is God and we are not. We should ask confidently yet respectfully. We should approach Him as we would want to be approached by one of our children, out of a love relationship that acknowledges we don’t have to grant the request, but we will if we can.

When my children ask me for something and I grant it, I love to hear them say thank you. How much more, then, should we be prepared to thank God for the blessings He gives us that we don’t deserve, but which He pours out upon us anyway?

So take your requests to God—all kinds of requests, on all kinds of occasions. Just remember that it’s a privilege to do it, and ask Him in a way that reflects that understanding. Then, thank Him for His answer.

You’ll make His heart glad, and that’s an incredible privilege.

Ephesians 6:18—And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.

Matthew 7:11—If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

Help

Before I became a mother, I had only two arms.

Or maybe a better way to put it is: before I became a mother, my two arms performed the functions of—well—two arms. Now, four children later, my arms perform at least as many functions as those of an octopus. They’re about that flexible, too.

For instance, one time, I was on my way to or from somewhere my van. I only had my youngest child, then-four-and-a-half-week-old Jessica, with me at the time. Jessica’s carrier was strapped onto the bench seat behind the space between the driver’s and passenger’s seats.

As I drove down the road, blissfully immersed in my own thoughts (instead of having to talk to anyone) and the silence of the CD player (instead of kids’ music), Jessica began to fuss. Without looking backwards, I reached behind me and into the carrier to replace the pacifier in Jessica’s mouth.

You can imagine how it went. As I was trying to drive and replace the pacifier by feel, Jessica was whipping her head from side to side with her eyes closed, waving her little arms up and down. She was seeking the pacifier, but her arms kept getting in the way of my hand’s bringing the pacifier close. Even had I been able to get close, it would have been difficult to hit the moving target of her mouth. I finally had to gently brace her head still with some of my fingers while the rest of my fingers located her mouth and stuck the pacifier in.

It would have been much easier had Jessica simply remained still and waited for me to insert the pacifier. But of course, she didn’t do that. She was so anxious to get what she wanted that she was seeking it with all her might. The only problem was that in trying to help herself, she actually kept herself from receiving it.

I wonder…how many times have you and I done the same thing with God?

How many times have we screamed desperately for relief, doing everything within our limited power to grasp it, thinking that God was slow in responding, when all the while it was our flailing and thrashing about that prevented us from receiving the relief God was trying to offer?

I know there have been times in my life when I have begged God for an answer but then not really listened for it.

There have been times when God required something from me in order to receive relief, but I didn’t do it.

Then, there have been times when I simply wailed out my anger, frustration, or pain, and never really asked for relief, preferring instead to complain.

I could give other examples. You probably could, too, of times in your own life when you interfered with the relief that God was trying to give.

Why do we do this?

Jessica interfered with my attempts to help her because of her immaturity. At four and a half weeks, she had no way to understand that if she would just sit still, I could help her sooner. Even if she could understand, she probably couldn’t control her raging needs well enough to comply.

Could it be that we, too, are immature sometimes?

Sometimes, we don’t know how to respond so as to receive the help we need most quickly. Sometimes, we know what we should do, but we can’t control our raging emotions well enough to do what we know we should.

Let me suggest something you can do the next time you’re there—“there” being a place where you are desperate for relief and either don’t know how to get it, or can’t calm down enough to comply with what you know you should do.

A simple prayer is enough: “God, help.”

Fortunately, God does not require that our prayers be long and flowery, or articulate. He accepts simple prayers that come from a right heart. And even when circumstances, or emotions, are swirling so fast or strongly around us that we feel overwhelmed, we can at least pray, “God, help.”

You see, what you and I need most is to be in communication with God. Amazingly, God has promised to hear and answer our prayers, and he will do so in any and every circumstance.

So pray. “God, help.” And then do your best to get out of the way.

Isaiah 65:24—Before they call, I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.