May 2009

Super Kenny

Inside my four-year-old son, Kenny, lives the heart of a superhero. Superman, to be precise. Kenny has two pairs of Superman jammies—long ones for winter, and short ones for summer. Each set of jammies comes with a cape that I velcro to the little spots on the shoulders of his pajama top. With this addition of this cape, Kenny becomes Super Kenny. He can run really fast, and he can even fly with his arms straight out in front of him, just like Superman (if we hold him up). Super Kenny has the biggest, proudest grin you’ve ever seen.

Without the cape, though, he’s just a little boy in a pair of jammies that’s missing something.

I found this out one night when Kenny was getting ready for bed. He came into the room where I was, wearing his pajamas. “You’re Super Kenny!” I said.

“No,” he said sadly, gazing toward the floor. “I can’t find my cape.”

“You can be Super Kenny even without your cape,” I said.

“No,” he repeated. “I have to have my cape.”

“Go look again where your jammies are,” I suggested.

Kenny left silently. He returned less than a minute later, holding the beloved red polyester rectangle. “I found it!” he said excitedly.

I quickly attached it to his shoulders, and Kenny turned to face me, his grin lighting up his whole face. “Now I’m Super Kenny!” he said proudly.

I knew that he’d been Super Kenny all along. But Kenny didn’t know it. He thought he needed that piece of fabric to complete his identity and transform him from a regular boy into someone spectacular. What he didn’t realize was that he’d been spectacular all along.

Kenny’s status as someone truly marvelous never depended on what he wore. God has declared him to be fearfully and wonderfully made, and that right there is enough to bestow upon him “super” status. I knew that Kenny was just as super no matter what he was wearing, or what he possessed. But he thought that in order to be truly spectacular, he needed something more than himself.

Precious mommy friend, do you ever find yourself thinking the same thing about yourself? That if you had something more—if you just dressed better, or looked prettier, or were smarter—you could be truly spectacular?

For many years of my life, I bought into Satan’s lie that if I were just prettier or more popular, I would be more special. I spent years trying to improve myself in these areas so that I could be something remarkable, all the while failing to realize that I already was.

How I wish I had realized much sooner that I was already super because God said so, and if He said so, that made it true. My status as marvelously unique and wonderful didn’t depend at all on what anybody else thought, or even on what I thought of myself. It depended then, and depends now, solely on what God declares to be true of me.

Can you empathize with me? Do you wish you could change one or more areas of your life so that you could finally feel like you really are super? It’s understandable. The devil is an expert liar and deceiver, and he is very skilled in hitting us where it hurts: our sense of ourselves. Instead of valuable and special, he wants us to see ourselves as worthless and common.

I don’t know the circumstances of your life, or why you feel that you aren’t very special. I do know that you can do the same thing I did after many years and much pain (though I hope it won’t take you nearly as long as it took me): you can choose to believe God.

It’s that simple. Simple, but not easy. I know it’s not. Remember, I’ve been there, and I stayed there for awhile. But what it all comes down to is this: will we choose to believe what God declares to be true about us, or will we find our sense of value in the things we possess or in what other people tell us about ourselves?

God has declared you to be His wonderful creation. You can choose to believe that, or not. You can count the opinions of other finite human beings as more valuable than His. But oh, friend, if you acknowledge that what He says about you is true, even if it doesn’t feel true, that’s the first step in truly coming to believe in the depths of your soul that you are marvelous and precious.

Take that first step. Declare that you believe God and want to take Him at His word, and He will meet you there at your point of need. He will clothe you not with a red polyester cape, but with every spiritual blessing that you need in order to realize that you are His beloved, amazing child.

Of course, if you don’t know God, the first thing you need to do is get to know Him. If you’re not sure how, check out the How to Know God section of this website, or ask a family member, friend, or pastor. Don’t miss out on knowing a God who knows you completely (because He made you) and loves you so deeply that He sent His son Jesus to die on a cross, taking the punishment for your sins so that you could then draw close to Him. He loves you that much.

You can trust a God like that. Do it, and choose to believe His opinion over anyone else’s, including your own. After all, His is really the only one that matters.

Psalm 139:14—I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Mommy Guilt

Most of us are generally confident that we’re good mothers. We know we’re not perfect, but we believe we’re doing a good job. We feel secure in our role and in the way we mother.

Sometimes, however, Mommy Guilt pushes security out of the way and takes over.

Mommy Guilt is that guilt we feel over not being the “perfect” mom—or over the possibility that we might have done something wrong or failed to do something right.

We want so badly to do this job well because the results matter so much. It’s easy for us to become consumed with wondering if we’ve done enough, and suspecting we haven’t. Mommy Guilt hurts, because not much feels worse than to think you have failed your child.

Granted, there are times we do wrong. If our wrongdoing involves sin, the Holy Spirit will not allow us to be at peace until we have repented. If we have made a mistake, we must correct it so it doesn’t happen again.

Mommy Guilt doesn’t result from actual wrongdoing. It arises from feared or imagined wrongdoing. It leaves us with a vague sense of being insufficient or not doing enough. It is viciously destructive. There are four reasons why.

First, Mommy Guilt doesn’t come from God. When the Holy Spirit prompts us to feel guilty, He always tells us what our sin has been. This appropriate guilt is not vague at all. It’s very specific. God’s goal for our lives is for us to be conformed to the image of His Son. He will not convict us without telling us what we are doing wrong and what we must do to begin doing right.

Second, Mommy Guilt is so damaging is that it causes us to do a worse job of parenting. When we feel guilty for being insufficient, we are focusing on ourselves and not our children. We may even make wrong decisions in an attempt to “make up for” the things we have done that we feel were insufficient.

Third, Mommy Guilt paralyzes us. It doesn’t free us to do a better job. Instead, it leaves us doubting ourselves and our abilities. We become afraid to move forward because we fear we’ll just make the problem worse.

Fourth, Mommy Guilt doesn’t even give us an accurate basis for feeling guilty. We wind up feeling guilty because we aren’t perfect or all-sufficient, when in reality, the only perfect, all-sufficient Person is God. Friend, you and I are not God, and praise Him that we don’t have to be.

So what can we do when Mommy Guilt tries to sink its hooks into us?

We can pray. We should ask God whether we really have done something wrong and if there is anything He wants us to correct. If the Holy Spirit doesn’t bring anything to mind, we should determine not to feel guilty. We may not be able to stop the devil from continually bringing up thoughts of our guilt, but we can certainly control whether or not we dwell on those and let them affect our lives. We can choose not to feel guilty unless God says that we are.

Next, we change our standards, from an unreachable standard of perfection to the standards God has for us. God’s standards are that we love Him first, and second love our child as ourselves. He does expect us to love Himself and our children with everything we’re capable of. But He also knows how He made us. He knows the challenges we face, and He doesn’t expect us to have every ability known to man (or woman) and exercise them all at the same time.

Finally, we move on. God knew our abilities and limitations, and He still blessed us with our children. He chose them for us. He wanted our children to have US—not some Super Mommy that doesn’t even exist. It doesn’t matter if another mommy drives a newer minivan or makes better birthday cakes. It’s okay. God chose you. You are what your children need.

May God bless us all with an extra sense of His acceptance this week. May we feel Him put His arms around us, as we do around our dear children, and tell us that He’s glad we’re their mommy.

2 Corinthians 2:18—And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Catch Kenny

My children are often great playmates. They have their squabbles sometimes, but usually, they play well together. Sometimes, I can even leave them in the front part of the house playing while I get work accomplished in another part of the house.

It was on one such day that I heard the kids trying to decide what to play. Lindsey, who loves hide-and-seek, was trying to convince Ellie to join her. “Count, Ellie,” Lindsey urged.

“No, we have to catch Kenny,” Ellie answered. (The rooms in part of our house form a circle, and the kids enjoy chasing each other around and around.)

“Come on, count, Ellie. We’re playing hide-and-seek,” Lindsey insisted.

“No,” Ellie said, “We’re playing ‘Catch Kenny’.”

Ellie and Lindsey’s dilemma was simple. They had to agree on what to play. Until then, they wouldn’t be able to play together at all.

We adults face the same problem, don’t we? We know that we want to work together, but we can’t agree on how to get there. All we know is that we don’t want to do it the way the other person suggested.

In Ellie and Lindsey’s case, if they had been unable to reach an agreement, they could have gone their separate ways, and it wouldn’t really have mattered all that much. In the adult world, the consequences of failing to work together are sometimes much more serious.

Take, for example, a married couple. The husband and wife both want a good marriage, but they can’t agree on who should do what in order to make that come about. They argue, each trying to convince the other to do things his or her way. But if they fail to reach an agreement and go their separate ways, the consequences are disaster for them and their children.

Or what about trying to run a church? One group wants to use some of the revenue to build a new facility. Another group wants to use that same money for outreach. Who’s right? Perhaps both. Both of them have the same goal of reaching unbelievers for Jesus. Nonetheless, if the groups can’t agree, there will be consequences. At the very least, the money will sit in the bank accomplishing nothing. At the worst, people will turn against one another and wound each other, and the cause of Christ will be made to look petty.

It takes generosity, unselfishness, and humility to be able to work together well. Humility isn’t easy for most of us. We’d much rather convince people to our way of thinking than go over to theirs. So we continue to argue about what we’re supposed to be doing, and no one is willing to compromise.

In Ellie and Lindsey’s case, they were able to reach a resolution before there were any hurt feelings on either side. Lindsey agreed to play what Ellie wanted her to play, and the problem was solved. I suggest that we as adults learn from the way Lindsey handled the situation. She was willing to concede so that she and her sister could play together. Being together with her sister was more important to her than allowing the disagreement to continue. Getting her way didn’t matter. What mattered to her was reaching the goal of playing together.

If only we adults could be like that more often. So many of our petty squabbles could easily be resolved if one of us would just be willing to do things the other person’s way. What’s more important to us—having things the way we want them, or reaching the goal together?

Maybe there’s some area in which you’ve been arguing with someone about the way to accomplish something. Is it possible that you need to let the other person have his or her way? Ask God to show you what you need to do in order to achieve the greater good of reaching the goal together with that other person. Ask Him to produce the fruits of His Spirit in you as you handle the situation. You’ll find that handling it His way leads to far greater satisfaction than getting what you want but not acting in love.

Galatians 5:22-23—But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Paper, Please

I was sitting in my rocker, nursing Jessica, when Lindsey entered the room. She went over to Ellie’s desk, got Ellie’s crayons down, and said, “I want to color.”

“Go ask Daddy for some paper,” I said, since I couldn’t get up to get her any at the moment.

She went out to the computer desk, where my husband was sitting, and said, “I need some paper.”

He didn’t hear her. “What?” he asked.

“I need some paper,” Lindsey repeated matter-of-factly.

“How do you ask nicely?” he said.

Lindsey responded, sweetly, “Paper, please.”

God used this simple exchange to illustrate an important truth.

Sometimes, we approach God and deliver our requests as if we’re placing an order, assuming they will be granted because we have spoken. It’s true that we should have confidence in approaching God, and that we should believe that He desires to grant us good gifts. But we should never be arrogant in approaching Him, and we should certainly never take Him for granted.

Why did we teach Lindsey to ask nicely for what she wanted? Because it’s polite. That’s how people like to be asked. God likes to be asked nicely, too. He is not our genie, where all we have to do is ask according to a certain formula in order to ensure that we will receive what we asked for. No, He is a Person. He wants us to ask him humbly for what we need, realizing that He may or may not grant it according to His far superior understanding of our needs and His sovereign purposes.

Yes, we are to come boldly, but let’s remember to Whom we are coming. We are approaching Almighty God, Creator of the universe, Master of everything. He is not our servant—we are His.

Most of us wouldn’t dream of saying to another human being, “I need some money,” and then walking away without so much as a thank you, expecting the person to give us any cash. Why, then, do we approach God this way?

Oh, maybe we phrase it differently. We’re more likely to say, “Dear God, please make me feel better. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.” But when our words are merely form, and when they reflect not a humble heart but a self-entitled one, we are not asking rightly.

Friend, are our prayers nothing more than demands delivered heavenward with our eyes closed, couched in spiritual terms so that they have a better chance of getting a “yes” answer? Do we speak to God with a complete failure to listen to what God might be saying in response? Do we fail to remember that we are speaking, not to a heavenly slot machine, but to a Person?

I know that when one of my children approaches me with a request and asks rightly, not only in words but with a heart that’s right toward me, I delight in granting the request, if at all possible. How much more then must God delight in doing so?

Lindsey’s words didn’t reflect any intent to be impolite. She was simply assuming that Daddy or I would meet her needs. Her words reflected confidence in us as her parents that we would give her what she needed.

We can have even greater confidence in our Heavenly Father that our needs will be met. He will always give us what we need, sometimes even before we ask at all.

But when we do ask, we should remember to do it out of a humble heart that recognizes that He is God and we are not. We should ask confidently yet respectfully. We should approach Him as we would want to be approached by one of our children, out of a love relationship that acknowledges we don’t have to grant the request, but we will if we can.

When my children ask me for something and I grant it, I love to hear them say thank you. How much more, then, should we be prepared to thank God for the blessings He gives us that we don’t deserve, but which He pours out upon us anyway?

So take your requests to God—all kinds of requests, on all kinds of occasions. Just remember that it’s a privilege to do it, and ask Him in a way that reflects that understanding. Then, thank Him for His answer.

You’ll make His heart glad, and that’s an incredible privilege.

Ephesians 6:18—And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.

Matthew 7:11—If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!