2011

Forgiving Ourselves

Megan Breedlove May 9, 2011 No Comments

This is the third devotion in a three-part series on forgiveness. If you have not already done so, you might find it helpful to read the first two parts: Forgiveness: What It Is, What It Isn’t and Forgiving Others.

There was once a young man who had everything going for him. He was smart, well-educated, and at least trilingual. He was the protégé of one of the greatest minds in his field, and he was being groomed to follow in his mentor’s footsteps. He was both a citizen of the greatest government on earth and an up-and-coming leader among his own ethnic group. He took part in some of the greatest political events of his day, and when that wasn’t enough, he began to orchestrate some of those events. The only problem was that he was also a terrorist. In fact, he believed he was called by God to destroy any of his fellow men who converted to a heathen religion. He made it his mission in life to hunt down and destroy those who had abandoned what he believed was the one true faith. As he became more and more successful in murdering apostates, he was given increasing power by those in authority over him. There was no stopping this man. His zeal for slaughtering those who opposed what he stood for became insatiable. Because of him, countless lives were lost and innocents executed. And he gave approval to it all.

Until, that is, he was met on the road to Damascus by the Lord Jesus. I’m writing, of course, about the Apostle Paul.

His name wasn’t Paul at the time of his Damascus trip, however. It was still Saul. And Saul was a brutal man, full of hatred for Christians, intent on destroying as many as he could, all in the name of God. It took a blinding encounter with the risen Lord Jesus Himself to change Saul’s heart.

I wonder how Paul must have felt when he realized the magnitude of the evil he had committed. Scripture tells us that he hated his sin, and I’m sure he grieved over the terrible things he had done and the awful consequences he had caused for those left behind. He must have grieved even more over what he had done to Jesus, whom he now knew and loved.

As he described himself, he was the least of all God’s saints because he had deliberately persecuted people for following Christ. He knew the vileness of his sin and must have felt it deeply. It would have been easy for Paul to spend the rest of his life wracked with guilt, unable to put it behind him, confronted with the horror of his sin at every turn.

Some of us know how Paul must have been tempted to feel. We, too, have something in our past—or maybe repeated somethings—deliberate acts which we now see for the awfulness that they were. Or perhaps we remember an innocent mistake that reaped horrifying consequences. Either way, we know what it’s like to buckle under the weight of the misery of our sin and be unable to rise. We know we shouldn’t have done it—whatever “it” was—but we did, and now we can’t change that fact. The only thing we seem to be able to do is to constantly, unremittingly condemn ourselves for our actions and grieve over the fact that what’s done can’t be undone.

We know we’re supposed to forgive others when they sin, but how do we apply forgiveness when the person we need to forgive is ourself?

To answer that question, let’s look at what Paul did. After all, he of all people had a reason to feel guilty: he had murdered countless human beings for being Christians. He had cold-bloodedly taken their lives because they loved the Lord Jesus. Yet instead of drowning in his guilt, he went on to write two-thirds of the New Testament and be perhaps the greatest witness for Christ ever. He became victorious in Christ. Many of us desperately need victory over guilt, too.

First, he repented and threw himself upon Christ’s mercy. He didn’t deny what he had done, or the depravity of it; he admitted it fully, as awful as it was. We, too, must admit what we’ve done—no excusing it, and no minimizing it. We need to see it and admit it for what it is—sin. Even if we didn’t purposely set out to sin, we must acknowledge any part of it that was deliberate, or that we could have caused to turn out differently.

Second, Paul accepted Christ’s forgiveness and spent the rest of his life living for Him. We must accept the forgiveness Christ offers, too. “But what I did was so bad, I can’t accept forgiveness,” we’re tempted to say. Remember, forgiveness isn’t given to people who deserve it. It’s given to imperfect human beings who need it. Refusing to accept Christ’s forgiveness isn’t really humility; it’s calling Christ a liar. After all, God says that whoever repents is forgiven, by His grace. We’re forgiven, whether we acknowledge it or not. When we refuse to believe that we’re forgiven, it’s like telling Christ that He’s a liar and didn’t really forgive us. “I want to believe it, but I just can’t,” we say. Sure we can. We can choose with our minds to believe that we’re forgiven even if our hearts don’t feel like it. When we accept forgiveness with our mind, feelings will follow. If we wait to feel forgiven, though, without first believing it in our mind, it will never happen. We must choose to believe what God says is true and not what we feel is true.

Finally, Paul made a point of using the memory of his sins as a reminder of God’s grace instead of a reason to condemn himself. Each time we read in Scripture that Paul remembers his sins, we also read that he turns the memory into an occasion for remembering and rejoicing in God’s incredible grace. I know this works. There was one time when I made an innocent yet terrible mistake that could have had horrific consequences. For a long time, each time I found myself in a similar situation, I would remember what I did and realize anew the awfulness of it. It wasn’t until our pastor preached on a similar situation in his life and told how he had handled it (exactly the way Paul handled it) that I realized what I needed to do. Each time I remembered my mistake, I refused to dwell on it, instead giving praise to God for His grace in what could have been a very bad situation. At first, it was hard to turn my thoughts away from what had happened and toward God’s grace, but with practice, it became easier. Now, when I remember it, I no longer feel awful. Instead, I rejoice in God’s grace. Whether your situation was a sin or a mistake, the same principle applies to you. Each time you remember what happened, refuse to dwell on the awfulness of it. Instead, magnify God and rejoice in His incredible grace. And let His grace motivate you to tell others about Him, so that they too can turn from their sins and be forgiven.

I don’t know what situation is burdening your heart. But I do know that God offers you forgiveness if you truly repent and turn to Him. I also know that He will redeem your memories so that they don’t cause you further pain but instead bless you with the opportunity to rejoice in His incredible grace. Why not run to Him right now? Let Him heal you. Let Him comfort your soul and set you free.

1 Corinthians 15:10—But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect.

Forgiving Others

Megan Breedlove May 2, 2011 No Comments

This is the second devotion in a three-part series on forgiveness. If you have not already done so, you might find it helpful to read the first part, Forgiveness: What It Is, What It Isn’t. Part three in the series can be found here.

Here’s where the rubber meets the road. We’ve learned what forgiveness means and what it doesn’t mean. We now need to look at how forgiving looks in our relationships with others. Of course, we’ll also look at what forgiveness doesn’t mean, because again, there are some very common misconceptions we need to overcome.

First, though, I’d like to share a story about forgiveness. It perfectly illustrates much of what we’re going to talk about today.

The story involves my son Kenny and his favorite toy at the time: his wooden train set. Kenny had a huge set of wooden trains, tracks, and various accessories. He liked to spread them out all over creation, building intricate layouts that covered more square miles than a real city. One day, he had created a metropolis in the highly-trafficked area between our master bedroom, bathroom, computer room, and guest room. His sisters were off in another part of the house playing a game that apparently involved lots of running around and giggling. I was sitting at the computer working a few feet away from Kenny when I heard Lindsey’s running footsteps getting closer. She darted into the room and right into the middle of Kenny’s train set, stopped, looked both ways, then ran back the other way.

“Hey! You stepped on my toy!” Kenny called after her.

She didn’t hear him. She was already on the way back to her own game.

Kenny waited briefly for her response, but there was none. So he called after her, “I forgive you!” and went back to his trains.

That, precious mom, is the nature of forgiveness. It involves knowing an offense has been committed, knowing that therefore, forgiveness is needed, and deciding to grant that forgiveness whether or not the offender even knows he or she needs it.

True, this is different from the forgiveness God offers, which comes only after sincere repentance. He forgives this way because His completely righteous, holy nature demands that sin be paid for. It’s His nature—and His job description—to require payment for sin. But it’s not our nature. And it’s not our job.

When we choose to forgive those who don’t deserve it, we reflect His nature and bring Him glory. Forgiveness for us does not and should not come only after payment has been made. We do not say to others, “You have adequately paid for your sin; therefore, I forgive you.” Instead, we say, as Kenny did, “You have offended me. But I forgive you, which means I choose not to punish you for what you did. And I do that so that I can move on.”

I want us to look at those two things today: what it means (and doesn’t mean) to forgive but not punish; and how we move on.

We’ve already talked about how it’s not our job to punish. Most of us would agree with that, at least in theory. But if we are not to punish the offender, does that mean we must seek an intimate relationship with the offender? Does it mean we need to act towards the offender as if he or she had never offended us? Not necessarily. For some offenses, yes. But for others, absolutely not.

For example, if I invite my best friend to come have lunch with me, and she accidentally steps on my foot on her way into the house, then yes, I need to let it go and not let it affect our level of intimacy. If my child forgets to put her bicycle away, that shouldn’t affect our level of closeness.

On the other hand, if—may God forbid!—someone were to molest one of my children, I would NOT seek intimacy with that person. I would NOT continue as if the violation had never happened. Instead, I would put safeguards in place for the rest of the offender’s life so that the offender could never hurt my child again.

So the first thing forgiveness doesn’t mean in terms of our relationships with others is that we don’t necessarily have to act as if nothing ever happened. Some offenses are simply too awful; some are ongoing, and we may need to erect boundaries, not for the purpose of punishing the offender, but for the purpose of protecting ourselves and our loved ones.

Another thing forgiveness doesn’t mean is that it doesn’t necessarily come as a response to the other person’s asking for forgiveness. Sometimes, your offender might truly repent and desire your forgiveness. Many other times, the offender might feel mere remorse, or perhaps not even that. The offender might not acknowledge the offense, or might deny that it was as bad as it was. But forgiving doesn’t mean you have to wait for that person to see the offense as God sees it. You can admit—completely independent of whether the offender agrees with you or not—that you have been sinned against. You can even admit how bad it was. After all, God knows how bad it was. You can agree with Him in this.

Now, let’s talk about what forgiveness does mean. We’ve said before that forgiveness means deciding not to punish the offender. That includes verbal comments, which means no snide or sarcastic remarks to or about the offender. These comments reflect bitterness in our hearts, which means we haven’t truly forgiven—we’re still holding onto at least a little bit of the idea that “he/she owes me something.” No deliberately excluding the offender from places you would normally invite him or her, unless that is necessary for protection. No rehashing the offense over and over in your mind or to others so they can be angry with you about how bad it was. Granted, there are times you will need to seek counsel or simply comfort from others when someone has offended you. But there is a difference between talking about the offense for the purpose of receiving comfort and talking for the purpose of stirring up your emotions so that you can feel righteously (or unrighteously) angry.

Forgiveness also means leaving the door open for a restored relationship as much as that might be possible. As we’ve said, there are some situations where that won’t be possible or desirable. But there are many other situations where if the person were truly to repent and demonstrate a changed heart, some degree of restoration might be possible.

One more thing that forgiveness isn’t—at least not necessarily. It may not be a one-time action. Forgiveness may very well be a repeated action. Every time the offense comes to our mind, we must continue to choose forgiveness and refuse to punish or to dwell on angry thoughts. That doesn’t mean we must forget what happened. It means we shouldn’t stew about it. We shouldn’t let it take control of our thoughts until it’s all we can think about, or until it begins to grow into bitterness. We must constantly and consistently choose forgiveness every time we remember the offense, and that may be hundreds or even thousands of times. Forgiveness isn’t easy. It always costs the one who chooses to forgive. It costs your “right” to punish, to demand recompense from the offender. It costs your thought life and your emotional energy.

With such a high cost, then, why bother forgiving? Because it’s even harder on you not to forgive. Continuing to hang on to the offense will cost your mind, heart, and emotions, but at a much higher level than forgiveness. To the degree that you have not forgiven, you will be stuck at that point until you do forgive. And if the offense is truly that bad, that’s not a point at which you want to be stuck.

God doesn’t tell us to forgive so that the offender can “get away with something”. The offender will not get away; he or she will one day answer to God for any offense against you. Rather, He tells us to forgive so that we can heal. He is the Great Physician, and He knows exactly what is necessary to heal a broken heart. He knows how to release us from the painful chains binding us to what happened to us. When we’re stuck, knowing we should forgive but not being able to, He’ll even help us do it. He’ll help us make that decision. And as we crawl into His lap and the hurt begins to flow away, He’ll hold us close and whisper words of comfort. I’m here. I will heal you. One day, you will be whole.

Psalm 71:20-21—You will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.

Forgiveness: What it Is, What it Isn’t

Megan Breedlove April 25, 2011 No Comments

This devotion is the first in a three-part series on forgiveness. Part two can be found here. Part three can be found here.

Forgiveness. For many of us, merely reading this word stirs our emotions. We well remember the offense (or perhaps repeated offenses) that happened, making forgiveness necessary, and the pain of those doesn’t easily subside. Or perhaps the offenses are our own, and we can’t seem to escape the constant awareness of our guilt.

We know the Bible commands us to forgive; we just don’t see how it’s possible to truly let go of what happened. What do we do with the pain and the memories? How can we forgive something we’ll never forget?

They are important questions, and to some of us, the answers matter very deeply. We’ve experienced incredible pain that left its mark on our souls, or perhaps is still leaving marks. We desperately need to know how to live with what hurts so terribly without being destroyed by it. We’ve been told that forgiveness will help us move on. But we don’t know how to forgive, or whether we even can.

In this three-part series, we’ll look at forgiveness. This week, we’ll examine what forgiveness is—and what it isn’t. Next week, we’ll explore how to forgive others, especially when their offenses against us have been immense or are still ongoing. Finally, we’ll learn how to forgive ourselves for things we wish we’d never done, whether we did them by intention or by terrible mistake.

It will be a difficult journey. But the reward for truly learning to forgive will be freedom and healing. Will you walk with me as we begin?

If we want to cook supper, we first need to decide what we’re going to make. Then we’ll know what steps we need to take to prepare it. That’s why we’re going to look first at what forgiveness means. We want to know the end result. Then we can study how to get there.

Let’s take the analogy a bit further. Let’s say we know we want to make a cake, but we’re not sure what kind to make. We might eliminate the first several options we consider: no, I don’t want a German chocolate cake, a vanilla cake, or a strawberry cake. I know—I want a pineapple upside-down cake!

In the same way, we’re first going to discuss what forgiveness isn’t before we talk about what forgiveness is. We want to get some very common misconceptions out of the way so we’re not trying to accomplish something we were never meant to put into place. For example, most of us have probably heard the phrase “forgive and forget”. But that’s not a biblical command. That’s right; the phrase “forgive and forget” does not appear anywhere in the Bible. It’s impossible deliberately to erase memories that have haunted us. We might come to a point where we don’t think about them as often, but we haven’t forgotten them. Fortunately, forgiveness doesn’t mean that we have to forget something happened.

“Wait a minute,” someone might say. “What about that verse that says God removes our sins as far as the east is from the west?” The Bible does, indeed, say that. But that doesn’t mean that God forgets our offenses ever occurred. In fact, His decree that we need His Son directly depends on the fact that He knows we’ve sinned. Even after we’re saved, He doesn’t forget what our sins have been. He well remembers why we need Jesus. Removing our sins means that He relegates them to somewhere they can’t condemn us anymore. If His forgiveness doesn’t mean He forgets, then ours doesn’t have to, either. We can’t forgive “better” than God.

Forgiveness also isn’t saying that the offense really didn’t matter, or that what the person did was okay. What the person did was not okay. It was sin, and sin is never okay. When God forgives us in Christ, He doesn’t say that what we did was just fine. If it were, we wouldn’t need a Savior. Only seeing an offense as unjustifiable can make forgiveness necessary.

One final thing that forgiveness isn’t, is that it isn’t saying that we weren’t hurt by the offense. We don’t have to pretend that the person’s sin (whether someone else’s or our own) had no effect on us. In fact, we must acknowledge the depth of our hurt if we are to truly heal from it. God, of course, doesn’t need to heal, but He does acknowledge the depth of pain our sins have caused Him. Jesus broke down and wept at one point over how Jerusalem had turned from God. He quite clearly demonstrated God’s broken heart over our pain. Likewise, it’s okay for us to admit that we’ve been deeply hurt. It isn’t a sign that we are super-spiritual if we act as if we weren’t hurt; it’s a sign of denial.

Now that we know what forgiveness isn’t, let’s talk about what it is. The simplest way to explain what forgiveness is, is to say it this way: forgiveness means choosing to stop trying to make the person pay for the hurt they have caused you. It’s accepting the fact that you now have pain to live with, but refusing to punish the other person for what he or she has done. It means that you will give up your “rights” to punish the other person, and let God handle the situation.

For example, let’s say that someone steals a precious toy from my son, Kenny. What do I want Kenny to do? Do I want him to find his playmate and pummel him? Do I want Kenny to determine an appropriate punishment and then go administer it? Of course not. I want him to come to me and let me tell him what should be done. In that situation, I would try to help Kenny think about what happened and come up with an appropriate way for him to handle it. I might even help him address it. I would never tell him to go punish the other child himself.

Likewise, when someone commits an offense against us, we should bring it to God. God may direct us to do something to help resolve the situation, such as talk to the person. But He will never tell us to go punish the person ourselves. In other words, He tells us to forgive.

He doesn’t say, “Pretend it never happened.” Nor does He say, “That was no big deal,” or, “That didn’t hurt you.” He simply says, “Okay, you reported it to me. Here’s your part in how to handle it. Let me take care of the rest.”

For most of us, the thought of giving up our rights makes us feel vulnerable. Unprotected. Afraid. But we are never stronger than when we fling ourselves into God’s arms and feel His powerful embrace. We are not unprotected or unsafe. Almighty God Himself holds us close to His heart. He is more than willing—because He loves us—and able—because He’s Almighty God—to do the right thing in our lives. But we’ll never find that out until we try Him.

Let’s think about this for a week and ask God to let it sink deep into our minds and hearts. Let’s ask Him to grant us the grace and willingness to trust Him instead of ourselves. We’ll come back together next week to look at what forgiveness looks like in our relationships with others—and, of course, what it doesn’t look like.

I’ll see you then.

1 Peter 2:23—When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.

Growing in Study

Megan Breedlove April 18, 2011 No Comments

This is the last devotion in a series of devotions on how to grow in your walk with God. If you have not already done so, you may find it helpful to read the introductory devotion, Growing in God: Mommy Edition.

A couple months ago, Ellie and I were working on her schoolwork. I gave her an assignment to complete and went off to do other things. A few minutes later, she came to find me. “Mommy, that assignment’s hard,” she complained.

“I know,” I said. “Schoolwork can be hard work.”

“But I don’t like to work,” Ellie said.

She was only putting into words what we’ve all thought at one time or another. There are times when we just don’t want to work. For me, some of those times include when I’m tired, when I’d rather be doing something else, or when the task at hand is something I don’t enjoy doing. Other times, I’m just lazy.

It’s not necessarily wrong not to enjoy working, or not to want to do a particular chore. Even skipping a particular chore may not be a problem. The problem comes when we decide not to do something that should be done, simply because we don’t want to put forth the necessary effort.

Most things we don’t take action upon can simply be done later, with relatively few consequences. But if we think we can fail to study God’s Word on a regular basis without significant effects upon our spiritual life, we’re completely mistaken. Every day we don’t study the Bible is a day we allow God’s influence to wane in our lives and become more open to Satan’s attacks. The consequences might not be apparent at first, but they will be some day—guaranteed.

How can a mom who doesn’t think she has time for a shower find time for Bible Study? I suggest four ways.

First, she can accept that there is more than one right way to do Bible Study, and that study post-children may look very different from her pre-children study. In other words, she can stop trying to force her Bible study time to look like she thinks it “should” and instead take it for what God means it to be now. He is well aware that most of us don’t have a solid, undisturbed hour to sit down and delve into Scripture. Could it be, then, that He intends for us to study His Word in a different way? Absolutely!

Second, she can look for some of those different ways to study. Maybe she doesn’t have time to sit down and read for an hour, but she certainly has time to choose a verse and meditate upon it (think about it) throughout the day. Studying the Bible can include really chewing over a verse of Scripture in our mind, thinking about it, asking God questions about it, or offering it in praise back to Him. This kind of study can be every bit as valuable as longer sessions. It all depends on the heart. Coming up with creative ways to study God’s Word can be a delight to the soul.

Third, she can determine that she will study even on the days when it’s not convenient. We’ve all had those days that were just plain hard or exhausting. But even on those days, surely we can find five minutes to spend reading or meditating on God’s heart to us. Some days, it will be our own flesh that puts barriers in the way of our study time. But if it’s on a regular basis that we can’t find just five minutes per day, our priorities are sadly misplaced.

Fourth, she can remember that it’s not her job to make her study meaningful. Yes, it’s her responsibility to do the study. But it’s God’s job to bring the spiritual benefits out of it. It can be tempting to skip our study if we’re tired, or if we think we didn’t get much out of it last time. But mom, there is never a time you study Scripture that you get nothing from it. That’s Satan’s lie that we too easily buy into. Just because we don’t have a rush of warm feelings or some kind of epiphany doesn’t mean we haven’t gotten something from it. If we present ourselves before God with a sincere heart for study of His words to us, He will cause us to get out of it what He wants us to get out of it that day.

I know that adding just one more thing to our schedules can seem like the straw that broke the camel’s back. But adding Bible study isn’t the straw; rather, it’s the support that enables the camel to keep going despite its load. If our schedules are too busy that we can’t add one more thing, it’s not Bible study that should go by the wayside, it’s something else. There is nothing in this world that will bring us so great a spiritual benefit as spending time connecting with God. Adding this “one more thing” to your schedule won’t make your load heavier—it will actually lighten it. And what mom doesn’t need that?

Matthew 11:28-30—Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Growing in Worship

Megan Breedlove April 11, 2011 No Comments

This devotion is part of a series of devotions on how to grow in your walk with God. If you have not already done so, you may find it helpful to read the introductory devotion, Growing in God: Mommy Edition.

Today is my daughter Ellie’s 8th birthday. Her slumber party (or, as my mom used to call them, “slumberless” party) ended yesterday morning. Today, after we all ate breakfast, I presented her gifts to her.

There was one large bag with several related gifts inside—a Nintendo DSLite and accessories. After many hours of searching, I had found an incredible deal on eBay that put this gift within our financial reach. Ellie had wanted a DS for more than a year, and at 8 years old, wanting something more than a year is a long time. I couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when she opened her gift.

Ellie took the tissue paper out of the bag and drew out the small, purse-like object (it was the carrying case). She was being very polite, but I could see she thought it was a purse (which I knew she wouldn’t want), and was therefore disappointed. “Open it,” I said.

Ellie unzipped the case. She pushed the extra plastic shell aside, not realizing what it was. Then she saw the slim, pink, metallic rectangle. Her jaw dropped open and her eyes went wide. For five full seconds, she stood staring in disbelief. Then she shrieked, “It’s a DS!”

It’s to those few seconds between when Ellie realized what her gift was and when she was able to speak that I want to direct our attention, for they are a perfect illustration of what we’re going to talk about today.

For those brief moments of time, Ellie was breathless with awe, wonder, and joy. She was amazed. Her mind and heart were full. For her, mere words were inadequate to the immensity of the moment.

That, my friends, is the kind of reaction we will have when we are truly worshipping God.

Our mind and heart will be full, and we may or may not even use words. If we do, we’ll have a sense of how inadequate they are to express the fullness of God’s glory. We’ll be consumed in the awe and wonder of His majesty and the immensity of His greatness.

When was the last time you and I worshipped like that? If we can’t remember, it’s been too long.

We desperately need to connect with God spirit-to-Spirit in worship on a regular basis. We all know that. But actually doing it can be hard. We don’t really know what that means, or how to make time to do it. So today, we’ll talk those things: what true worship looks like, and how we can make sure it happens.

First, let’s talk about what true worship isn’t. It isn’t necessarily a physical posture, a particular time of day, a certain activity we do during worship, or a formula we follow. All those things are merely details that should be an outer expression of the worship taking place in our hearts. They are not the worship itself. In the heart is where our worship happens.

So if worship can’t be determined by something visible, what does it look like? What’s involved? The answer may at first be frustrating. It will then be freeing. The answer is that there’s no one right answer.

I once heard worship defined as “our response…to God for who He is and what He has done”. That is what worship is—not a particular emotion or warm, fuzzy feeling. In fact, if we make the mistake of thinking that our worship will always have a certain emotional quality or intensity, we’re setting ourselves up for discouragement. There may or may not be an emotional intensity to our worship. Sometimes there will be; sometimes there won’t. That’s okay. Just because we haven’t felt a certain way doesn’t mean we haven’t worshipped. If we have presented ourselves before God with a right heart and responded to “who He is and what He has done”, we have worshipped. God will teach us more about worshipping as we go along. He may sometimes establish an emotional connection with us so deep it leaves us breathless; He may at other times seem more distant, allowing us to worship in truth rather than “in emotion”. It’s up to Him. Whatever way He chooses is right, and we shouldn’t try to make it be something else.

Second, let’s talk about how to make time for worship. After all, we’re moms. Our schedules are sometimes busy, sometimes crazy, and often unpredictable. The good news is that even the busiest mom has time for worship. Why? Because we can worship in the midst of our everyday activities. Too often, we think we have to get our activities out of the way so we can have time to connect with God. But the reality is that God wants to connect with us in the midst of our activities. Yes, we should do our best to make room for one-on-One time with Him. But we also need to learn to worship in the midst of everything that surrounds us.

One way to do this is to learn to hear the holy—His voice—in the midst of the mundane. Just as Jesus often used ordinary things like harvests, seeds, and sheep to speak to His listeners, so God today uses the ordinary stuff of our lives like laundry, diapers, and dishes to communicate His truth to us. If we wait until the house is calm and quiet to listen for God’s voice, we’re cutting Him out of a huge portion of our day. He wants to communicate with us all day long. If we don’t listen all day long, we’re missing out.

A second way to worship in the midst of it all is to offer our work as service to God. After all, Jesus said that whatever we do for the least of these, we do for Him. So if we’re doing laundry, we can stand there sorting colors and pray, “Jesus, I’m offering this service to You. You ask us to worship You with all we have, and right now, what I have is laundry. So I offer it to You from a willing heart.” See? We’ve worshipped.

A third way to worship is to cultivate a heart attitude of listening. Probably the biggest chunk of our day is spent not really thinking about God. The second largest amount of time (though it’s a far smaller amount) is usually spent talking to God. In far distant third, if we do it at all, is the time we spend listening to God. I know it’s hard to listen without becoming distracted. But we don’t necessarily have to stay quiet and focused for long blocks of time. In fact, God will sometimes direct our wandering thoughts to areas He wants us to meditate on before Him or pray about. And if we practice focusing on Him, we’ll get better at doing it more frequently and for longer periods of time when necessary.

Worship is not complicated. At least it doesn’t have to be. All we need to do is present ourselves before God and respond to Him. If you don’t know whether to start your worship time by praying, reading your Bible, remaining silent, or some other activity, ask Him. He’ll tell you. Remember that the main thing is not what you do, but the fact that you are offering God your heart. You can do that anytime and anywhere. Because wherever, whenever you are, He’ll find you and meet you. And worship will happen.

Psalm 96:9—Worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness; tremble before him, all the earth!

Growing in Frugality

Megan Breedlove April 4, 2011 No Comments

What comes to your mind when you hear the word “frugal”? I’ll admit that for me, “frugal” used to connote “miserly” or “cheap”. Now, however, it means something far more and far better. That’s because frugality is a way to bring blessings not only to your own family but also to others. Even better, it brings glory to God.

Explaining frugality to kids can be hard. I remember the time when I told Ellie (then five years old) that we didn’t have enough money for a particular item. She suggested that we simply go to the ATM and get some more money. I explained that the ATM only gives you the money that you have put into the bank, and that eventually, you run out. “Oh,” she said, disappointed.

Money, like all other earthly resources, is not unlimited. God has allowed each of us to be stewards of a certain amount and no more. If we misuse our resources, or tie them up in things that are of secondary importance, we won’t have the ability to pursue things that are of primary significance.

Let’s state the obvious first. If we’re buying luxuries like fashionable new clothes and restaurant meals on credit because we want them but can’t afford them, we’re living beyond the means God has chosen to give us. What that proclaims loudly and clearly both to Him and to a watching world is that we’ve decided He hasn’t provided enough. We would never tell Him that directly, but our actions and spending habits show that’s what we believe. Frugality, therefore, is a way to show God and the world that we’re content with what He’s provided. It means not buying things we can’t really afford. It means not living right at the edge of our means so that we can have a little financial breathing room, and maybe even save up so that in case an emergency comes along, we’re covered. How much glory to God would it bring if Christians everywhere started living within the means God has given them, and being content with that?

In addition to bringing glory to God, frugality also brings blessings to ourselves, our families, and others. It’s a huge blessing for a family to live within their means. Mom and Dad aren’t as likely to be stressed and fighting about money; the children learn to be content with what they have; and everybody enjoys the freedom to save up money in order to make special purchases instead of having to scare up some money to meet the bills for purchases that have already been enjoyed. When we don’t have credit card bills, we don’t pay interest, which is pretty much like throwing money down a hole. The money we would have spent on interest can be used for other things.

What about blessing others financially? It’s a whole lot easier if we’ve been frugal all along. Then, we might have money saved up to bless others with when something unexpected (or even expected) comes up. Some people may wonder how they can bless others financially when things are so tight at home. But remember the widow with her two mites? Jesus said she gave more than everybody else because she gave out of her poverty. She didn’t give directly to someone; she was putting her money into the temple treasury. But others were blessed through the use of her money. It’s the same way with us. God can take our loaves and fishes and multiply them a thousandfold. Our part in reaching out to starving people in other countries or people in need right here at home is no less valuable just because we didn’t give as much as someone else. But if we’ve wasted all our money by not being frugal, we won’t have as much with which to bless others when the opportunity comes. To take that a step further, what if God decided to call your family to another location or even another county to serve Him there? Are your financial affairs in order such that you could pick up and move with little trouble? If not, you may be limiting the ways in which He can use you.

God doesn’t ask us to be good stewards of our money just so He can take all the fun out of life. He doesn’t ask for frugality so He can deprive us of material possessions that would be good for us. He asks us to live within our means so we can learn to trust Him and His provision; so that we can bless others; and so we can be blessed ourselves. Frugality should be a joy. Look at all the blessings it leads to!

Luke 12:29-31, 34—And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Growing in Fellowship

Megan Breedlove March 28, 2011 No Comments

For a few years, I belonged to a small Hispanic church, where I served as youth minister. Though the youth activities were in English, the other services were in Spanish. That was fine with me, since I’m fluent in Spanish. I loved being a member there. I got to live and move in a different culture, and even better than that, I had the privilege of being part of this particular body of believers, who loved and supported each other.

One of my favorite church activities was when we would have a compañerismo—a “fellowship”. This was usually a time after the Sunday morning service where we all gathered for a potluck meal. Of course, we had compañerismos every time something special came up, such as the pastor’s birthday or someone’s graduation. One of the ladies of the church would come around and hand each woman a little white slip of paper with what we were supposed to bring written on it. I always got assigned pan e hielo, or “bread and ice”. (Yes, I could speak fluent Spanish, but we all knew I couldn’t cook Hispanic food like they could, so I guess “bread and ice” was the safest thing to assign me.) If it had been awhile since there had been an occasion for a compañerismo, we’d plan one just for the fun of it.

Those kinds of get-togethers are great. In fact, church members ought to fellowship with one another on a regular basis. But meals and bounce houses and parties, or whatever other activity a church may plan, are not the only kinds of fellowship Christians need. If they are the only kinds, we’re missing the point of what fellowship is really all about.

True Christian fellowship involves more than just pursuing a particular activity together. The deepest kind of fellowship involves knowing and being intimately known by each other, standing with each other in times of trial, and encouraging or even rebuking each other when necessary. It’s “iron sharpening iron”. Two pieces of iron might lie side by side and get along fine, but unless they sharpen and are sharpened by each other, they’ll never become what they were meant to be.

What does “iron sharpening iron” look like? What’s involved if we want to have this deepest kind of fellowship?

First, there’s vulnerability. We need to be part of a group of people we can be vulnerable in front of, and who will be vulnerable to us. All of us have been in groups where the prayer requests were always on behalf of “my boss’s friend’s mom’s aunt”; never would anyone say, “This request is for me. I’m struggling, and here’s how.” Certainly it’s not wrong to pray for other people we know, but if we’re unable to be transparent with each other, something is wrong. We need to be part of a group where we can confess our sins and find not condemnation, but support and godly encouragement as we repent and move forward. And we need to be that same resource for others.

Second, there’s regular attendance. It’s not a matter of keeping score or checking all the right boxes. It’s a matter of being there. If we’re not at church (whether that means meeting in the church building or meeting with a small group) on a regular basis, we’re not going to be of much use in building anyone up, and we won’t be built up, either. If we miss out on fellowship occasionally because of a valid excuse, such as having a sick child or being out of town, that’s one thing. But if we don’t make Christian fellowship a priority, Satan has plenty of influences ready to step into our lives and fill the vacuum that should be filled by fellowship with believers.

Third, and most important, there’s love for one another. This kind of love doesn’t merely love when we look our best on Sunday mornings or even when we act right. It loves under any circumstances, and forever. It’s love that results in action, that says “I’ll stand by you no matter what” or “If you have a need, I’m there”. It’s always ready to encourage, and it’s even ready to rebuke when necessary. It seeks to help build the loved one up into the image of Christ, whatever that takes. It looks at what it can do for others, not what others can do for it. This kind of love is so amazingly incredible that it is the proof that we follow Jesus (see John 13:34-35). It draws people to it by its very existence in a way that nothing else can. It’s what frees us to be vulnerable with each other and encourages us to keep going when we don’t think we can go on any longer. Most important, it’s what Jesus commanded us to do.

Are you part of a group like this? A group that loves each other deeply, sees or talks with each other regularly, and is free to be vulnerable to each other? A group that serves together and grows together, that loves and encourages one another, that stands by each other no matter what, no matter when?

If not, you need a group like this. You need others to help you become all God wants you to be, and you need to help them, too. If you don’t know where to find this kind of fellowship, go before the Lord and ask Him to show you. He may direct you to an option you haven’t thought about. He might show you some things you need to correct before you can experience—and offer—this kind of fellowship. But He will do it, because He knows you need it. After all, He made all of us, and He knows we need each other. You need others. And they need you.

Proverbs 27:17—As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Growing in Fasting

Megan Breedlove March 21, 2011 No Comments

Fasting: purposefully going without a particular item for a certain period of time.

Every mom I know is used to doing without certain things: hot meals; sleep (!); time alone; time with her husband (without the kids present); extra disposable income; and the ability to take 4-hour car trips in four hours, instead of six or seven. But most of us don’t do without these things on purpose.

We may have planned to become pregnant or to adopt, but going without the things mentioned above is a byproduct of being a mom, not something we purposely set out to do as a goal in itself. Fasting, on the other hand, involves deliberately doing without something for a certain purpose.

Why would a mom want to do that? After all, we spend much of our lives denying ourselves in one way or another so that we can rear our children. Why would we want to add one more thing to the list of things we don’t get to enjoy?

There are at least four great reasons for fasting. First, denying ourselves something is great for our self-discipline. Society wants to teach us that we’re entitled to what we want. Deny ourselves? Suffer? You’ve got to be kidding, right? Wrong. Fasting reminds us that we don’t have to be at the mercy of our desires. We are more than bodies whose every whim must be satisfied. We can take control of ourselves and bring our bodies and minds into submission.

Another great reason to fast is that it makes more time for other things, such as focusing on God through prayer, meditation, song, or any other way He prompts our spirit. We can use the time we would have spent pursuing the food or activity to connect with God instead. As moms, we often don’t have all the time we’d like to spend with Him. One great way to carve more time out of our day is to fast from something.

Third, fasting reminds us to focus on God. Not only do we have more time to do so, but we’re reminded to do so every time we find ourselves desiring the food or activity we’re fasting from. If you’re like me, it’s easy to go through the day and forget, in the midst of my busyness, to stop and connect with my Father. But if I’m fasting from something, every time I think about it and realize I can’t have it, I’ll be reminded to think about God instead.

Fourth, fasting is a marvelous way to show God that pursuing Him is more important to us even than whatever we’re fasting from. In the case of food, it’s a way to acknowledge that we realize that spiritual food for our souls is even more important than physical food for our bodies. When we’re fasting from an activity, we show Him that connecting with Him is far more important than entertaining ourselves, or than connecting with other people.

What, then, should we fast from? Often, people fast from food. They can then use the time they would have spent eating to bow before God in prayer instead. Their hunger pangs or cravings remind them to keep their focus on God throughout the period of fasting. If you are pregnant or nursing, however, or if you have certain medical conditions, fasting is probably not a good idea for you. Make certain that if you choose to fast from food, your doctor agrees that it is safe for you to do so. Tell him or her exactly what foods you plan not to eat and what the length of your fast will be. Then abide by your doctor’s recommendation.

If you cannot fast from food, or even a particular food, you can fast from a favorite activity. Perhaps you could fast from reading, watching TV, or using Facebook. How much time might you have to connect with God if one of those things was eliminated from your life for a period of time? And which would be more valuable anyway: spending two hours on the internet, or spending time with God?

I can’t tell you exactly what you should fast from. If you go before God in prayer and ask Him, however, He’ll tell you. He may direct you to fast from food, an activity, or something completely unexpected. Whatever it is, the lack of it allow you to spend more time connecting with Him, and that will be far more valuable than whatever you’re giving up.

I’ve heard more talk about fasting lately, but fasting actually isn’t a new idea. In fact, it had been around for long enough that Jesus knew His followers understood what it was and the purpose behind it, and assumed that they would fast as a part of their spiritual lives. So if Jesus thought fasting was a good idea, we should too.

Are you willing to go before God and ask Him what you should abstain from, and for how long? Do you desire a more intimate connection with Him enough that you’re willing to fast, perhaps even regularly? I’ll admit that I don’t fast very often. I just don’t think about it, unless, like now, it’s the Lenten season, or unless there is some extremely important decision my husband and I have to make. But if Jesus assumed I would fast regularly, I’m going to trust His judgment that fasting would be good for me. Not just when I want an answer about something. Not just when I’m “supposed” to fast at a particular time of year. But regularly. Will you trust His judgment too?

Matthew 6:16—when you fast…. (italics mine)

Matthew 6:17—but you, fasting,…. (italics mine)

Growing in Giving

Megan Breedlove March 14, 2011 No Comments

At first glance, this might not seem like a topic in which moms need instruction. We spend our lives giving—anytime, anywhere, with or without advance notice. What more could we possibly need to learn?

Fear not! I’m not going to tell us to give more. I’m not going to place yet another burden on our overworked backs. Instead, I’ll help us look at what the Bible says about giving, which will actually lighten the load of the giving we have to do and turn our giving from drudgery into worship.

Sometimes I get worn out from giving. Burned out. Stressed out. Sometimes resentful. When that happens, it’s a sure sign not that my kids need me too much, but that I haven’t been giving properly. I may have been giving “enough”—but not “properly”. Let me explain.

As human beings, we like to get acknowledged for what we do. We like to be noticed, appreciated, and even thanked. Most businesses understand this, so they develop ways to show their employees the desired affirmation. But notice here that it’s not necessarily the clients or customers who express appreciation; it’s usually the bosses who deem an employee’s performance exemplary and worth of gratitude.

This is how being a mom works, too. We don’t often get thanks from our “customers” either, unless it’s an obligatory “thank you” when we remind them they forgot to say it. But our “boss”—God Himself!—is constantly offering encouragement, thanks, and praise. He’s told us over and over in Scripture how much He loves us and values us. He’s promised that He will help us with whatever we need. He’s even guaranteed us that our work is NOT in vain! He’s made Himself available 24/7 whenever we want to talk to Him, and He doesn’t mind that it might be in the midst of making supper or cleaning the oven. He’s told us He delights in us. He’s even said that He is—get this—pleased with our sacrifices.

If we keep giving to our children only, we’re going to have to settle for only intermittent satisfaction. But if we give to the Lord, it won’t matter so much that our children don’t fulfill us. Because the Lord Himself will do so—in fact, desires to do so—and He can do a far better job than our kids can.

We need to practice giving to the Lord and expecting to receive our praise from Him, not from human beings. Which brings me to the second point: growing in giving also means offering our giving to God as an act of worship. We are to do our work for Him and expect to receive praise from Him, but not as some kind of business transaction. We should offer our service to Him as an act of worship. Worshipping God means offering what we are and what we have to Him. If right now, what we are is tired and what we have is dirty dishes, then wearily scrubbing caked-on oatmeal can be an act of worship if we do it with a right heart.

Jesus told us clearly that whatever we do for “the least of these” (our children included), we do to Him. In other words, whether or not we offer our service as worship, Jesus takes it personally. So we have the choice of either offering Him a fragrant, sweet-smelling aroma, or a stench in His nostrils. What will we choose?

Precious mom, I know it’s hard to have a good attitude some days. Really hard. But we can choose our attitude. We can either focus on all the things that have gone wrong and slam the dishes grumpily into the sink, or we can make a decision of our hearts and minds that even though the day’s been awful, we will still offer our service as worship. We don’t have to have the attitude that seems logical according to our circumstances. We have a choice. We can choose to do our work in a worshipful manner (sometimes even despite the circumstances), or we can choose to react with bitterness and resentment and offer God grudging, unwilling service. Hard sometimes, I know. But we can choose.

I wonder what a difference it would make in our homes if we truly grew in giving, doing our work as unto the Lord and offering Him our service as worship. How might it change our children to see their mother giving first of all to the Lord? What blessed changes would there be in our hearts and minds as God’s Spirit brought growth to our spirit?

I bet the spiritual blessings would be above and beyond anything we can imagine.

1 Corinthians 15:58—Therefore, my dear [sisters], stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Hebrews 13:16—And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.

Colossians 3:23-24—Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.

Matthew 25:40—And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

Growing in Silence

Megan Breedlove March 7, 2011 No Comments

Our house can get pretty loud and crazy at times. I bet yours can too. Whether the noise comes from your baby screaming; your kids chasing each other through the house while they’re supposed to be getting ready for bed; or any of the myriad toys and games they have that all make noise, life with kids is sometimes loud. Very loud.

On first hearing the idea of “silence” as a spiritual discipline, you may very well be tempted to roll your eyes and say, “Wouldn’t that be nice.” It would, indeed. And it’s not only nice, but possible. Maybe not as much silence as we’d like, and maybe not even at the times we’d like. But if we desire to make silence a part of our spiritual disciplines, there are ways to make it happen.

Before we talk about those ways, let’s answer the question “Why silence? What’s the point?”

The point of silence as a spiritual discipline is to hear God speak. When we are constantly talking, listening to the radio, or watching TV, God doesn’t have room to get a word in edgewise. Sure, He could raise His voice and drown out all the other voices we’re listening to. He could even do something more spectacular, like a burning bush. But why in the world would we want to so clog up our ears with all the other things we’re listening to that God has to do something drastic just for us to hear Him?

I guarantee you…we don’t. Because if our lives are so busy and so loud that God has to shout to get our attention, that’s a situation we don’t want to be in.

Fortunately, silence can occur almost anywhere and at almost any time. It’s not limited to a particular hour or location. But we do have to carve out time for it if we want to experience it, lest the voices of this world (including our own voice!) rush in to fill the empty spaces. In order for it to happen, all we have to do is tune out the other voices competing for our attention. I’d like to suggest three voices we can tune out if we want to focus on hearing God’s voice.

First, we can silence our own voice. Even if we’re not very talkative by nature, there’s a lot of talking we have to do in order to run a household. What if, instead of talking our way through the day, we tried to see how few words we could get by with? If all day won’t work, maybe a few minutes will work. Perhaps some days, instead of calling a friend, we could choose to be silent for a few minutes (or longer, if your conversations tend to run as long as mine). Maybe instead of chatting at the dinner table, we could choose to listen to our family talk instead, with an ear out toward hearing what God might say to us through their conversation. You can probably think of ways you can silence your voice that will work particularly well for you in your circumstances. You probably can’t get by with going 24 hours without talking. But even if it’s 5 minutes, that’s 5 minutes more than what you would have had otherwise.

Second, we can silence media voices. Most of us spend far more time listening to music or playing around on the computer (Facebook, anyone?) than we do being silent and listening for God’s voice. Instead of playing your favorite online game, why not take those minutes and listen for God? Why not turn the radio off on your daily commute and listen to God instead of a DJ? True, it’s hard to get away from media input. But we have far more control over how much media we allow into our lives than we think we do. Media are not necessarily bad in and of themselves. But anything that steals time that would be better spent with God should be eliminated or reduced.

Third, we can teach our children to keep their voices silent at times. I have four young children, and believe me, I know it’s hard for kids to be quiet. But even young children can be taught to be silent for a minute when Mommy tells them she is listening to God. The length of time they have to allow you to be silent can be gradually increased as they get older. Obviously, if they have a legitimate need, you would need to tend to them and have your time of silence later. But it’s also a need for children to see their mother honoring the Lord and seeking to hear His voice above all others.

Once you decide to make silence happen, and you actually follow through on achieving silence for a brief instant, your thoughts are probably going to wander. It’s hard to keep focused when you don’t hear anything going on. But you can train yourself to stay focused in silence for longer periods of time by practicing. I’m not nearly as good at this yet as I’d like to be; my thoughts wander easily. Fortunately, I have help—the same help available to you. God will help me train myself to be silent yet actively waiting on Him, and He’ll help you too.

He may not speak to us every time we wait silently before Him, but even so, that time is never wasted. It’s good training for future silence to come. In addition, it shows God that we’re serious about wanting to hear from Him—so serious we’re willing to eliminate even some of our favorite distractions. And it blesses His heart. After all, how would we feel if our children came to us and said, “Mommy, I’m just going to stay hear and be silent as long as I can, or until you speak. I don’t want to miss anything you have to say. Your voice is what I most want to hear”?

Let’s make God’s heart glad this week by showing Him how important He is to us. And in the sweet communion we’ll have together—or even just the delight of being in each other’s presence—our hearts will be glad, too.

Psalm 27:8—My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, LORD, I will seek.

2011

Forgiving Ourselves

Forgiving Others

Forgiveness: What it Is, What it Isn’t

Growing in Study

Growing in Worship

Growing in Frugality

Growing in Fellowship

Growing in Fasting

Growing in Giving

Growing in Silence

You Missed

Priorities

I Wouldn’t Do That

Little Things

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