2014

Three Ways to Be a Better Mom — Part III

Children prayingI’ve heard it said that the longest 18 inches in the world is the distance from the human mind to the human heart.

I don’t know who first said this, but he or she is right. As human beings, we are masters of knowing something in our head but failing to fully grasp it with our heart. That’s why we can assent to so many of the truths contained in Scripture without their ever really making much of a difference in our life.

For example, we’re taught from our earliest spiritual training (whether as a child or as an adult) that God loves us. We even sing songs about His love (“Jesus loves me; this I know, for the Bible tells me so”). But somehow, many of us grow up with a distorted or incomplete view of God’s love. We don’t really understand the marvel that it is. We don’t “get it”.

Maybe we never felt loved by our parents or others close to us. Maybe we’ve been betrayed by someone we love. Maybe we’ve never heard much about His love. Whatever the reason, we’re unable to comprehend or absorb God’s love for us. We know in our head that He loves us, but we don’t feel it in our heart.

I’ve been there. For many years, I didn’t really believe God loved me in particular. I knew that “God so loved the world,” so I figured he loved me too with a sort of obligatory love because I am part of the world. I never knew He is crazy in love with me–with me!–as an individual. For most of my life, I wasn’t even aware of the truth that God loves me madly and passionately–so much so that He delights in me and rejoices over me (see Zeph. 3:17). Even when I did learn that truth, I still didn’t really “get it” because I couldn’t comprehend what it was like to be loved like that.

But gradually, God began to move the truth of His incredible love downward, from my head into my heart. He placed loving people in my life. He directed my attention to many places in the Bible where it tells me how much He loves me. He prompted me to pray that I would come to know His love. And He instructed His Holy Spirit–He must have–to begin communicating this amazing truth to my heart in a way that I could understand.

I share my story with you because I know some of you struggle in the same way I did. You might know in your head that God loves you, but you don’t feel it in your heart. You’re desperate to feel loved by Him, but you don’t know how. Maybe you’re not fully convinced, as I wasn’t, that God is crazy about you.

But it’s true. God is crazy about you. He loves you beyond measure. And it’s also true that He will help you to know and experience His love. You don’t have to know how it works. If you go to Him and ask Him to get through to you in a way that you will understand and can’t miss, He’ll do it. He knows exactly how to communicate His truth to your heart.

Yes, there are things you can do to cooperate with God in the process. You can make a diligent study of Scripture. You can pray. You can seek counsel from others. You can determine that you will believe the truth of God’s love for you even if it doesn’t feel true. You can and should do all these things. But ultimately, the true work to be done in your heart is God’s, through His Holy Spirit, and He can do that perfect work in a way no one else can.

Let Him do His work. Let Him show you His love for you. Do the things he directs you to do that will help you gain a better understanding of the multifaceted glory of His love. Your life will never be the same.

Your children’s lives will never be the same, either. For when you truly begin not only to understand that you are loved, but to believe it in your heart and absorb it into your very being, you won’t be able to help but overflow with God’s love. We love our children best when we love them from the overflow of the same love we have received. When we love them with the same kind of love God has lavished upon us. But we can’t do that until we have truly understood the reality and the magnificence of it for ourselves.

Jesus loves you; this you know, for the Bible tells you so.

May that become a reality in your life and in the lives of your children, precious mom. I’ll pray for you.

1 John 4:10–This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

1 John 4:19–We love because he first loved us.

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Three Ways to Be a Better Mom — Part II

I have a friend who is very domestically inclined. She makes tasty and healthy meals for her family; she keeps her home in good order; she sews; and she is very good at all these things and enjoys doing them.

She far surpasses me in these areas.

I have another friend who makes marvelous birthday cakes that look like they belong on Pinterest for her children. She is extremely talented in this area. In fact, she sometimes makes cakes for other people for all kinds of special occasions, and her cakes are so fantastic that people pay her.

I can’t do that.

Then there is my friend who has eleven children, all of whom are godly and well-behaved. She’s there for every single one of her children when they need her, whether that means comforting them, supporting them in their activities, or providing for their needs in some other way. And she does it all with grace and good humor.

I sometimes have trouble doing the same for my children, even though I have fewer than she does.

All of us have friends who outdo us in some way. Maybe they accomplish more than we do in a certain area; maybe they simply seem to have it all together, whereas we feel like we struggle. Sometimes, we look at our friends (or even strangers), compare ourselves to them, and wind up feeling guilty because we don’t measure up.

But God never planned for us to be just like our friends. He made us the way we are because He wants us to be unique. He delights in our uniqueness.

Yes, I need to prepare meals for my family and keep my home in decent order. But I don’t necessarily have to be as good at doing that as the first friend is that I mentioned. Neither do I have to be a seamstress. God did not make me good at sewing or even inclined to learn. That’s okay. My talents lie in other areas.

I don’t have to be a mom just like this friend, or like any of my other friends. And you don’t have to be just like any of yours. If God wanted us to be just like our friends, He could have made us that way. But He didn’t. Instead, He chose to give us different personalities, skills, and interests. Why? Because He wanted to.

God doesn’t want or need a bunch of clones. Instead, He rejoices in our differences that reflect His vast creativity.

We were never made to be just like someone else. We were carefully designed by God to be the one-of-a-kind way He wants us to be. Yet too often, we spend our efforts and emotions trying to be just like someone else.

That’s not what God wants. He wants us to be the people He made us to be, not replicas of our mom or best friend or some stranger.

There’s nothing wrong with trying to improve in a certain area. For example, it wouldn’t hurt me at all to work a little harder at keeping my house nice (an area in which I tend to be lazy). But feeling bad about myself because I’m not as good at making cakes as one of my friends, or not as good a seamstress as the first friend I mentioned? Not what God has in mind.

Instead of comparing myself to others, God wants me to be the best me I can be. He doesn’t want me to be another Lori or Rebekah or Marilee. In fact, if I spend all my time trying to be just like them, I’ll be failing to reflect the facets of His creativity that He wanted to display through me.

Precious mom, do you realize that God delights in the particular combination of traits that makes you the person you are? That He wants you to do the same?

Don’t waste time or emotional energy wishing you were just like someone else. Instead, celebrate the person you are, because you are how God made you to be. Show your children what it looks like to accept yourself the way God made you and to be content with that.

That’s how to be a better mom—not by trying to be just like someone else.

Psalm 139:14—I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Green grape in cluster of red grapes

Three Ways to Be a Better Mom – Part I

World's Best MomThe cards were decorated with hearts, flowers, and stickers. All over them—both inside and outside—were messages of love and uplifting sentiments such as, “World’s Best Mom!”

As I read my children’s hand-made Mother’s Day cards and admired them out loud, two things happened: first, my heart felt encouraged by my children’s sweet affirmation; second, I got stuck on the phrase “World’s Best Mom”.

That’s what I want to be for my children—the best mom they can imagine. Yet I’m well aware that I’m not always the mom I’d like to be. Sometimes, I’m impatient. Sometimes, I fail to see a child’s inner need. Sometimes, I just plain make mistakes.

You probably do, too, because none of us is perfect. We all fall short on occasion of what we know we could be. We’re alike in another way, too—we all want to get this thing called parenting “right”. We want to do a great job. And sometimes, all of us wonder if we’re doing the right thing or doing well enough.

Over the next three weeks, we’re going to talk about three surprisingly simple things we can do to be better moms. These aren’t just three ways to try harder or to spread ourselves even thinner. They aren’t ways to make meals or birthday cakes worthy of Pinterest. They’re things we can all do not only to benefit our children, but to benefit ourselves. And they don’t require trying very hard. In fact, they sometimes require us to stop trying.

The first way to be a better mom is this: give yourself the freedom not to be Supermom. You don’t have to be able to do everything. You might be terrible at making birthday cakes, and that’s okay. You might not be as creative as you’d like to be, or as energetic. That’s fine. You don’t have to be everything all at once in order to be a great mom. Even God doesn’t expect that of you. Nor do your children. So don’t expect it of yourself.

Likewise, you are going to make mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up because of them. Too many moms set perfection as their standard, and they stress themselves out when they don’t perform perfectly. Then they get burnt out.

True, there are times when we sin against others and need to make things right with God and with them. We may need to go to our children and ask them to forgive us. But if we keep beating ourselves up over what our God and our children have already forgiven us for, we will only become discouraged.

God says that He has removed our sins from us “as far as the east is from the west” (see Psalm 103:12). In other words, He doesn’t hold our sins over our heads anymore, trying to make us feel guilty. It’s Satan who does that. He knows that when God has forgiven us, we are no longer guilty, but he doesn’t want us to know it.

On the other hand, if we listen to what God says in His Word and accept—and truly absorb—His forgiveness, we’ll have no reason to feel guilty any longer. We can instead feel forgiven and free, and we can move on.

Moms, there is no such person as Supermom. Every single mom on this planet has areas where she is less than perfect. Every mom sins. So it’s not the perfect mom who’s the “World’s Best Mom!” (because remember, the perfect mom doesn’t exist). It’s you. It’s me.

My children know I’m not perfect. But they still call me the best mom ever anyway. In their eyes, I’m the best. And that’s perfect enough for me.

Psalm 103:12—As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Being Two

My youngest son, Timmy, is two. Some days, he’s really, really two. (If you’ve ever had a two-year-old, you know exactly what I mean.)

Boy poutingConsider, for example, the following conversation we had the other day:

Timmy: “Have snack?”

Me: “No, it’s not snack time.”

Timmy: “Waaaaaahhhhh!”

Or this one:

Me: “Timmy, put your shoes away.”

Timmy: “No, Mommy.”

To his credit, Timmy doesn’t defy me with a straight-up “no” very often. His usual responses, when I deny him something he wants or tell him to do something he doesn’t want to do, are to say, “Awwwww,” as if he is the most disappointed boy in the world; to cry, sometimes with tantrum included; or to pout, making sure I notice his downcast face and stuck-out lip.

When I denied Timmy that snack and he cried, I remember thinking, “I wish he would just be thankful that I am going to give him something even better than what he’s asking for.”

Of course, I knew that such a response lies far beyond a 2-year-old’s maturity level. Unfortunately, it also often lies beyond our maturity as moms.

God denies us something we want, and we pout and complain. Or He tells us to do something, and we argue with Him or give Him a flat-out “no”.

We want a nicer house, car, or vacation, so we pray about it. So far, no problem. The problem comes in when God says no to our request and we say, “Awwwww,” as if we’re the most disappointed mom in the world.

Or God tells us to do something—to sacrifice a little bit more of ourselves for our husband or children, perhaps—and we grumble about it or say, “No, Daddy.”

We expect two-year-olds to do these things. But shouldn’t we, as adults and as Christians, be far past these kinds of reactions? Yes, we should.

Then why aren’t we?

Because we don’t really trust or believe God. Sure, we believe in God, and in His Son Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit. But we don’t really believe that His judgments of what is good for us are superior to ours.

If we did, then when God denied us something, we would realize—and truly believe in our hearts—that what God is offering us is something even greater. God doesn’t withhold huge blessings from us just so He can expect us to be satisfied with a pittance. In fact, the Bible tells us that He doesn’t withhold any good thing from those who are walking rightly with Him.

Likewise, when God tells us to do something, we would agree that we’d be far better off doing what God has asked than resisting doing it. God doesn’t ask us to do “busy work”. Everything He asks has a purpose.

What is your attitude when God denies you something you wanted? Do you pout, or do you thank Him for giving you something even better?

How do you respond when God tells you to do something? Do you resist His instructions, or do you obey eagerly?

I know it’s hard to have the right attitude sometimes. Not everything God asks us to do is fun, and sometimes it’s hard to be denied what we wanted so much. But if we truly believe that God knows what He’s doing, our response to His direction in our lives won’t be that of a two-year-old. Instead, we’ll respond as the loving and trusting child He wants us to be.

Psalm 84:11—For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. (NIV)

What Song Do You Sing?

Music notesYou know how sometimes, a song gets stuck in your head?

Apparently, “Happy Birthday” is stuck in Timmy’s head, because at 26 months, it is the only song he sings. Repeatedly. He’ll choose someone whose birthday it is (usually Daddy) and sing the song with that person’s name inserted at the appropriate spot. At the end, he claps and shouts, “Yay Daddy!”

I’m pretty certain as well that the songs from Frozen are stuck in my older four kids’ heads. Every day, they sing these songs. I finally bought them the CD so they could at least learn all the words instead of singing the same few phrases over and over. (In fact, even as I type this devotional, my oldest daughter Ellie is in her room singing “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?”)

I know what words are likely to come out of my kids’ mouths because I’ve heard them so often before. But I wonder what words my kids expect to come out of my mouth.

Do I speak with kindness, gentleness and helpfulness? Do I speak with love? Is that what my children expect usually to hear, or do they more often expect grumpiness and impatience?

None of us can completely control our tongue. In fact, Scripture tells us that “we all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.” (See James 3:2.) And I’m certainly not perfect, which means that I will stumble in this area. I will fall. I will fail.

Failing on occasion doesn’t mean our children will come to expect failure from us. Children understand that adults mess up, too. They know we’re not perfect, even when we don’t admit our imperfections. If the majority of our speech is good—if it builds them up—they will come to expect uplifting speech from us and will see our mess-ups as an aberration from the norm.

But if the majority of what they hear is negative—complaining, fault-finding, being grumpy or unloving—then that is what they will come to expect.

Moms, are you making a conscientious effort to build inspiring and heartening patterns of speech into your children’s lives? If not, your speech will default to what’s easiest—and what’s easiest is to fall into the patterns of this world and be unhelpful, harmful, or even degrading.

If you’re really brave (and if your children are old enough), you can ask them what they think about how Mommy speaks to them. You will either be encouraged, or you will learn where it is necessary for you to make amends.

You can always go before the Lord and ask Him whether or not your speech toward your children reflects the loving attitude of His Son. But know this: if it doesn’t, you have more than a speech problem; you have a heart problem (see Luke 6:45). What comes out of your mouth is a direct reflection of what is in your heart. That’s why it’s so important to take this matter before God: because He is the only one who can change your heart so that good things come from your mouth instead of evil.

What are you constantly “singing”, moms? What can your children expect to hear from you?

Ephesians 4:29—Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (NIV)

Why Jesus’ Resurrection Matters to You

Women visiting Jesus' tombYesterday, on Easter, I staged an Easter egg hunt for my children in the front yard. They wound up with more candy than they needed. But getting candy isn’t the reason why Jesus’ resurrection matters.

Neither does the Easter matter simply because it means the chance to dress up in new clothes and make sure we get to church on time on Sunday morning. New clothes are fine, but they’re not the reason Easter is so important.

Sometimes, it’s easy to confuse the trappings of Easter with the purpose of Easter. If we’re not careful, we wind up thinking that Easter dinner and gift-laden Easter baskets are the whole point of it all, rather than just things that help us celebrate.

We forget that the real reason Jesus’ resurrection matters is something far more and far deeper.

It matters because by it, God signified that He accepted Jesus’ sacrifice on our behalf—that our sins could all be done away with if we acknowledge that His sacrifice was for us and receive His gift. This, we know. But we don’t often stop to think that the deepest, most profound reason Jesus’ sacrifice matters to us is because He was showing that we can be resurrected, too.

The Bible tells us that apart from Christ, we are dead in our sins. Not just sinful, but dead. Our physical bodies live and breathe, but our spirit is completely, totally lifeless. And it remains that way until Christ comes into our lives and resurrects us, making us alive together with Him.

If you’ve asked Christ to come into your heart—if you’ve acknowledged His right to rule over you and accepted His loving, generous gift of life—then you are now alive. You’ve been resurrected.

People who are physically dead can’t do anything. Without life, their bodies lie there, unable to rise or to commit even the smallest action. So it is with us when we’re spiritually dead. Our physical bodies walk around, having the appearance of life, but our spirits within us are dead. We are shells of what we could be.

When Christ resurrects us and makes us alive, however, we become capable of all kinds of things. We now have the potential to truly live (in other words, to know Christ), without just going through the motions of life. We can truly love with the love of God, and not just our puny human love. We can rejoice, we can create, we can share with others this marvelous life that God has given us.

There are plenty of people who think that their lives are pretty good without Christ. But they’re fooling themselves, because they’re not truly alive. They haven’t experienced the resurrection power of being made alive in Christ. They may think they’re alive, but in reality, they’re dead.

That’s why Christ’s resurrection matters, moms—not because of chocolate bunnies and fuzzy chicks, but because Christ offers us a resurrection, too. He offers us the chance to rise from the dead into the glorious, abundant life of a relationship with the living God.

If you want to know more about Christ, I’d love to introduce you to Him. Just check out my post on how to know God, or contact me through my website, and we’ll talk. And if you already know Him, I’m so glad to know that you’re alive. I’ve been spiritually alive for most of my physical life now, and I can tell you that there’s nothing better than truly living the way you can when Christ makes you alive. Again, if you want to know more, let’s talk. I’d love to share with you what I’ve learned.

About life.

Ephesians 2:1, 4-5—As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins…But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions–it is by grace you have been saved.

*To find out more about what abundant life looks like for moms, check out Chaotic Joy: Finding Abundance in the Messiness of Motherhood.

What to Do When God Says No

Vertical NoThe other day, Timmy and I had what I think was an actual conversation. Sort of, anyway. It went like this:

Timmy: “Want more snack.”

Me: “Sorry, there isn’t any more.”

Timmy: “Want more snack.”

Me: “It’s all gone.”

Timmy: “Want more snack.”

Me: “You can’t have anymore. It’s. All. Gone.”

Timmy: “Waaaaaaaaaah!”

Seriously, that was how it went. It was like my words just weren’t registering with him, or maybe were irrelevant. Timmy simply kept repeating his request, again and again, despite my having said no the first few times.

Until finally he gave up and had a fit about it.

I was struck by the parallels between Timmy’s approach to me and our approach to God sometimes. God tells us we can’t have something for whatever reason, and we keep pleading for it. We keep begging for something we should know is not good for us because God has already said no.

Sometimes, though, we go beyond what Timmy did—the pleading. We simply decide to take what we want despite the fact God doesn’t mean for us to have it. Or perhaps we keep engaging in it, never mind the truth that God’s Word tells us we shouldn’t.

We simply don’t want to accept God’s “no”.

The response I wanted from Timmy was quite different. I wanted him to accept the fact that I’d said no and stop asking. I wanted him to move on to something else.

It’s the same response God wants from us. When He has said no to something, He wants us to accept His answer, stop asking, and move on.

Yes, we may be disappointed at His “no”. That’s okay. What’s not okay is to keep begging for something or engaging in a particular behavior when He has clearly said “no”.

That person we want to be in a relationship with? If God has said no, it’s time to move on and find someone else.

That way we want to act, but we know it doesn’t please God? Stop acting that way, and act the way He meant for us to.

Those circumstances we want to change, when God has said that for right now, they are what He wants for us? We stop asking Him to change them and start asking Him to change our ability to live with them.

True, when we don’t know God’s answer, we should keep asking. The Bible commands us to do that. But when God has said no, we accept it and move on, knowing that He has something better in store for us—whether that be pleasing circumstances or simply a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him.

Are you still stuck asking for what you can’t have? Or are you ready to accept what God wants you to have?

Isaiah 55:8— “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. (NIV)

When Life Drags You Down

Resurrection CrossMaybe your husband just lost his job. Maybe you just lost yours. Maybe you’re struggling with discipline problems with your children. Maybe you’ve recently lost someone you love.

Whatever the details of the circumstances that are dragging you down, you know how it feels to feel like you just might go under.

Martha of Bethany would have identified with you. In John 11, we find out that Martha’s beloved brother has died. Worse than that, Jesus—whom Martha believed loved them all—had for some inexplicable reason shown up too late to be of any help. Too late for even the funeral.

When Jesus finally arrives, Martha confronts Him about this: “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died!” she says (v. 21). Then she goes on to plead with Him in v. 22, “But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” In other words, she’s saying, “You could have done something, but you didn’t. Yet even now, I know you can still do something about this if you’ll just do it!”

Have you ever felt that way? That Jesus showed up too late? That He could easily have fixed your circumstances if He had just decided to? I think we all have. That’s why we identify with Martha’s desperate words.

As far as we know, Jesus never does tell Martha why He didn’t prevent her brother from dying, just as He doesn’t always tell us why He allowed things to happen to us that grieve us. But He does tell her that her brother will rise again.

“I know he’ll rise again eventually,” she says (my paraphrase). Then Jesus goes on to reassure her that yes, Lazarus will eventually rise at the resurrection of the dead that Jesus will perform at the last day. But He offers her far more than that as comfort. Listen to His words: “I am the resurrection and the life,” he says (emphasis mine).

It’s the same answer He gives us. “Yes, you have hope in the future that things will be better,” He tells us. “But for now, in the in-between time, I am your life.” In other words, Jesus is telling us that our life consists not in the perfection of our circumstances, but in the fact that Jesus Himself is our life, and He is always available no matter what else is going on.

It’s beautiful, and a better answer than we could have ever hoped for. You see, sometimes—perhaps even often—circumstances will not be to our liking. We will be dissatisfied. Discontent. Maybe even grieved. And in those times—in the times before Jesus comes back to take us to heaven and make everything perfect—we need hope. We need to know that we have life now, that there is more to life than just struggling through disappointment or tragedy. Life can be abundant, even in the midst of tragic circumstances.

That’s because even when we’re suffering—perhaps especially when we’re suffering—we can know Jesus. We can be in intimate relationship with Him despite, or perhaps because of, whatever else is going on. He is our life, and He will see us through.

Circumstances won’t do it. They can’t. They were never meant for that job. So when circumstances are going well, we should rejoice even as we remember that Jesus is still the one carrying us through. And when they’re not—when tragedy or disillusionment has struck—we must remember that our life consists of far more than praying desperately for circumstances to be perfect.

He is our life, and knowing Him is possible even in the midst of circumstances we never wanted.

John 11:17-44—Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies.” (verse 25)

You Can Do More Than You Think

Timmy escaping from cribThe house was peacefully quiet. Timmy was taking a nap—or so I thought—and two of my daughters (the only other kids home at the time) were playing with a friend. I was sitting on the couch in the living room working on a cross stitch project when my daughters and their friend walked into the living room…followed by Timmy.

“Who got Timmy out of his crib?” I asked. No one said anything, so I asked each girl individually. Each denied it. Gradually, I came to the only possible conclusion: Timmy had gotten himself out of the crib.

It was the first of many such escapes that Timmy engineered. Apparently, he was easily able to climb out of his crib whenever he wanted to.

Timmy escaping from cribIn thinking about it, I realized that Timmy had probably been able to climb out of his crib for awhile now. The only thing keeping him there may not have been his inability to get out, but his mistaken assumption that he was unable to do so.

You and I have mistaken assumptions about our abilities too. We’re able to do so much more than we realize—we just don’t try, so we never find out. We look at the obstacles in front of us and think, I can’t overcome that, so I won’t even try.

In reality, however, with God’s strength, we can do anything He calls us to do. That’s because when He calls us, He also equips us not only with the abilities and talents we already have, but with His strength and wisdom.

Precious mom, is there an area in your life where God’s calling you to step out in faith, but you’re not obeying because you think you can’t? Moses would have identified with you. When God called him to lead the Children of Israel out of Egypt, Moses protested, citing his lack of speaking ability.

Timmy escaping from cribWhat excuse are you using for not doing what God has called you to do? Do you think you don’t have the ability to do what He’s asking? Do you protest that you don’t know how?

It’s true that you may need to develop certain abilities. You may also need to learn how to do what He’s asking. But the fact that you can’t or don’t know how to do it now is no excuse for remaining stuck in the crib. God will honor your efforts to get out and do whatever it is He’s calling you to do. You may be unable by yourself, but with Him, you are more than able.

Don’t let any potential obstacles make you think you can’t be successful at what God wants you to do. God can either remove the obstacles, or He can enable you to get over them, just like He enabled Timmy to get out of his crib. What seems like a huge obstacle to you is nothing more than a pebble to God. If He wants you to get past that obstacle, He will make a way.

But you have to be willing to take that first step.

Philippians 4:13—I can do all things through him who gives me strength. (ESV)

Timmy escaping from crib

Being Thankful in Tough Times

raindrops on windshieldSeveral years ago, Lindsey appointed herself my “company girl”. This means she accompanies me whenever I go somewhere (at least, any time she’s allowed to) and keeps me company on the trip. It doesn’t matter to her what we do; she just likes being together.

Two days ago, my company girl and I were on our way to do some errands. Our first stop was to be a local department store. As we drove down the road the store is on, small raindrops began hitting the windshield. Oh no, I thought. Now we’re going to get wet trying to get into the store. What if it starts raining harder? Then we’ll get really wet. And I can’t run as fast when I have Lindsey with me.

Out loud, I said, “Oh, no! It’s raining.”

Lindsey glanced at the raindrops dotting our windshield and said, with a smile, “Yay! We’re going to get wet!”

The exact same circumstance happened to both of us: rain. The difference came in our attitudes. I saw the rain as an inconvenience; Lindsey saw it as fun.

So much of our quality of life results from the way we look at things and the perspective we choose to have. I said choose to have, because while we may not be able to choose our circumstances sometimes, we can always choose our attitudes in response.

I could have chosen a different perspective. I could have seen the rain and thought about what fun it would be to run through the rain together with a girl who loves to get wet, laughing and giggling all the way. Instead, I chose a perspective that brought me down instead of lifting me up.

Fortunately, I didn’t bring Lindsey down. She chose the “joy” perspective.  What I saw as an inconvenience, she saw as the chance to have a great time.

I wonder what difference it would make in our lives as moms if we were to practice seeing the positive side of things instead of the negative? Would our homes be more peaceful? Would our relationships with our husband (if we’re married) and children be more fulfilling? Would our relationship with God be more joyful and Spirit-filled?

I’m not suggesting that everything in life that happens to us will bring joy. But I am saying that even in the worst of circumstances, we can find good that is happening despite those circumstances. And I’m urging all of us—starting with myself—to realize that so many things in our day-to-day lives could be so much different if we were to look on the bright side of things instead of the negative.

I’ll bet this new, positive perspective would please God, too. After all, we’re commanded to give thanks in the midst of every circumstance, and we’re told that it’s God’s will for us.

Does this mean that we’re supposed to deny our negative feelings? No. We need to take those to God and let Him help us deal with those. He desires truth from us, including in our emotional lives. So God’s command doesn’t mean we’re supposed to pretend like everything is just fine. But it does mean that, no matter what, we’re supposed to find something to be thankful about.

Discouraged that your house is a mess? (Believe me, I totally get this one.) Instead of focusing on the discouragement, you could choose to spend your emotional energy being thankful you have children.

Frustrated that your husband works long hours? Instead of focusing on the inconvenience that this makes for you, you could deliberately choose to be thankful that your husband’s long hours mean that he has a job that helps to provide for you and your family.

Irritated that you’ve told your children the same thing a thousand times, and they still don’t get it? Try turning your irritation into thankfulness to God that He doesn’t give up on you when you don’t get it the first several times either.

See what I mean? Same circumstances, different attitude.

And sometimes, your attitude makes all the difference in the world.

1 Thessalonians 5:18—Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.