What It Takes to Be a Good Mom

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In high school and college, I auditioned for and was accepted into various choirs. I have a good voice, though there are plenty of people whose voices are better than mine. But one area in which I excel is my ability to hear when a singer is on pitch.

Which, of course, means that I also know when someone isn’t on pitch. 10-year-old Lindsey is the one of my children who seems to have inherited my ability to detect tiny variations from what the pitch should be. So when she and I were watching a televised singer recently, we spent the first couple minutes cringing at almost every note.

“I guess you don’t have to be a good singer to be famous,” Lindsey said, after we had hit the ‘mute’ button. “You just have to be hot.”

She was right, in a way. The most famous singers are not always the best singers. In other words, you don’t always have to be good at your job to be successful.

Which got me to thinking: What does it take to be a successful mom? Does it require perfection? Can you be a “good mom” while still having faults that others might notice?

Let’s be real for a moment. You (if you’re like most moms) and I are experts at identifying our real or perceived faults and feeling guilty for them. We hesitate to call ourselves “good moms” because we’re all too aware of the things we do wrong daily, and sometimes minute-by-minute. If someone were to ask us if we’re good moms, we would probably reply something like, “Well…I hope so.”

My fellow sister in Christ and my companion on this amazing, crazy journey called motherhood, let me tell you something: God does not want us to live with the discouragement and uncertainty of wondering whether or not we’re good moms. He’s told us exactly what it takes to be “good.”

Hear His words: “He has told you, O [mom], what [constitutes] good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (See Micah 6:8.)

Go back and read those words again, maybe even more than once. Let them soak into your soul. Hear what He’s saying, and what He’s not saying.

“Do what is right. Love kindness. Walk humbly with Me.”

Let’s look at those one by one.

“Do what is right.” In other words, like we tell our children, “Behave yourself.” Simple. (Not always easy, but always simple.)

“Love kindness.” Apparently, the word there is the Hebrew word hesed. This word has to do with loving people unconditionally, no matter what they do. Sound like something we need to practice every day with our children?

“Walk humbly with your God.” We all know what this means. We know when a child is humble towards us and when he or she isn’t. Thus (humble) we are to be toward God.

Now that we’ve looked at those, let me paraphrase Micah 6:8—“He has told you, O mom, what it takes to be a good mom. All you have to do is behave yourself, love your kids no matter what, and make sure your heart is submissive toward God.”

That’s it. Just those three things. No mention of hand-sewn anything, good looks, creativity, a spotless house, or any of the myriad other things we make ourselves feel guilty for not accomplishing. It’s fine to excel at these things, but none of them is what makes you a good mom.

True, God may direct us to do these things as part of His plan for us and our family, but they are not what makes us good moms. Submission to His will is part of what makes us good moms.

So the next time you’re wondering if you’re any good at this mom thing, don’t look at any of your abilities. Look instead at your heart.

Are you behaving yourself? Do you love your children unconditionally and forever? Is your heart humble toward God?

If so, you’re good. You’re a good mom. Rest in that.

Micah 6:8—He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God? (NASB)

How to Get Out of Obeying the Rules

OpenClipart-Vectors / Pixabay
OpenClipart-Vectors / Pixabay

I’m normally a pretty law-abiding citizen. I believe, as I’m sure you do, that honoring the authorities God has placed over us in turn honors Him. But I admit that there are some laws I really wish I didn’t have to obey.

Take, for example, the speed limit. I’d get out of being subject to that one, if I could. I’d much rather choose the speed I want to go than abide by a limit that is usually (in my opinion, at least) much too slow.

Unfortunately, I don’t think the authorities really care what I want, at least as far as this matter is concerned. The speed limit law remains in place whether I like it or not, and it’s not likely to be repealed anytime soon.

So I guess I’m stuck with obeying it. Because I also can’t figure out a way to make Timmy’s “getting out of undesirable requirements” strategy work in my case. Let me tell you what he did recently, beginning with a little background.

On the wall of our kitchen, we have a white board (dry erase board). When there’s something we need to remember, such as which child received which medication at which time, we write it down on the board. It’s a cheap, convenient way to keep track of things that are temporarily important.

Occasionally, my husband will write a list of chores on the board that he wants the kids to be sure to accomplish that day. Timmy knows Phil does this. One day, Phil entered the kitchen to find the white board blank. The grocery list he’d written was no longer there. “Who erased the grocery list from the white board?” he asked.

Timmy glanced at him and sheepishly said, “I did.”

“Why did you do that?” Phil asked.

“Because I thought they were chores and you were going to make me do one of them,” Timmy said.

That’s actually some pretty good thinking, for a four-year-old who will turn five in a couple months. If you see something you believe is a list of things that you don’t want to do, and you are afraid you might get assigned to do one or more of them, then you just erase the list! Bingo—no more chores! Right?

You and I, as moms, realize that it doesn’t work like this. If it had been a list of chores that Timmy erased, they wouldn’t have ceased to be necessary just because they were no longer written where he could see them. We’re amused by Timmy’s strategy because we know better.

Which doesn’t explain why we try something very similar when we don’t want to obey one of God’s laws.

How many of us who, like me, dislike speed limits, simply ignore them and drive whatever speed we think we can drive without getting caught? How many of us ignore the fact that God says we should speak kindly to one another, justifying our harsh or critical words by saying we’ve had a bad day? How many of us eat whatever we want, whenever we want, because we don’t want to face the Bible’s teachings on gluttony?

Yeah. We’re starting to sound more and more like Timmy, aren’t we?

You know what? Ignoring God’s laws doesn’t make them go away. Keeping them from our conscious awareness doesn’t mean we’re not guilty when we transgress them. The Holy Spirit wants us to feel guilty at the right times so that we can correct whatever is going wrong. Silencing His voice is just as bad for us spiritually as ignoring intense pain would be for us physically.

Is there something in your life that you continue to do, knowing that you really shouldn’t? Have you traded the spiritual joy of doing God’s will for the fleeting pleasure of having your own way?

God has already made His list and written it where you can see it, if you’re willing to look.

Don’t erase the white board.

James 1:25—But the one looking intently into the perfect law, the law of freedom, and continuing in it, not being a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in his work. (MGT)

God’s Response to the Presidential Election

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Less than a week ago, Americans went to the polls and chose Donald J. Trump to be the 45th President of the United States. The aftermath of that election has been an aftermath unlike any other.

Many Americans are rejoicing that Trump was elected. Most of them believe that the other major candidate, Hillary Clinton, lacked personal integrity and would have disregarded citizens’ needs when they conflicted with her personal advantage; they also feared that her belief in every woman’s right to an abortion would lead to an untold number of babies being sacrificed for a mother’s convenience.

However, many other Americans are grieving. They see Trump as a man who will lead our country to trample on citizens’ rights and basic human dignity; they fear the results of the hate and racism which they believe Mr. Trump has espoused and which they believe others will also feel free to express in the wake of his election (as, indeed, has seemed to be happening).

Some of us have spent the past several days vilifying the “other” side. Others have questioned the Christianity of people who voted for (insert either candidate’s name here). Some have staged protests, mocked protestors, shouted things that should be unspeakable at authorities, and committed acts of violence or hate against people that aren’t like us. A growing number of us is begging everyone to just calm down and live peacefully with others even as we work to see the change we wish to see.

In the midst of all the emotions and ideas swirling around as we try to figure out how to go forward, I thought it would be wise to stop and consider what God thinks about the election.

I don’t presume to know the entire mind of God, but I do know this: God is not surprised that Donald Trump won. He knew from before the foundations of the world that Trump would win. Many Americans were surprised by the results, but God wasn’t. I know this, too: God’s plan was neither assured nor derailed by majority vote. God is not now scrambling to figure out what He will do in the wake of America’s decision. He knows exactly how He will work in and through Trump’s strengths and despite Trump’s weaknesses to bring about His plan. He is neither rejoicing that now, with Trump in the White House, He is finally able to bring His will to pass; nor is He grieving that His plan has been thwarted by Secretary Clinton’s defeat.

God will use Donald Trump, just like He would have used Hillary Clinton if she had won, to bring about His eternal, immutable purposes. It doesn’t matter whether or not Trump cooperates, at least in terms of the success of God’s plan; God’s purposes will not be thwarted. The President of the United States is a powerful individual, but his or her power is nothing compared to the power of our Almighty, Omnipotent God.

That being the case, how does He want us to respond?

Again, I cannot claim to know all the specifics of God’s will for each of us. But I do know that He will never lead anyone to do or believe something that contradicts His will as revealed in Scripture. Therefore, I know this: God ultimately wants us to place our trust in Him, not in any human being. If we’re happy that Trump was elected, fine. But we must remember that God is no more or less able to accomplish His purposes now that Trump has been elected than He would have been if Secretary Clinton had been elected. If we have for a single moment believed that only in a Trump administration can God perform His will, we have put our trust in a human being rather than God Himself. We have elevated another human being to the place that only God deserves.

I also know this: God wants us to love each other. This means we can’t shame someone for voting for Trump or mock people who are deeply upset that he won. It’s not okay to be disrespectful just because someone holds views that are different from our own or displays a different reaction. In fact, during the Last Supper, Jesus instituted one last, new command: Love one another. Spraying hate messages on people’s property, or destroying that property in protest, is not what He had in mind.

Neither is acting in hate toward another person for any reason, much less because that person is a (insert a minority group designation here). How God’s heart must break when we wound someone else by our hateful words and actions! He never once showed hate to anyone; He always showed love, even to those who kept trying to kill Him. Hear me: if we act hatefully toward anyone, for any reason, God calls that sin.

Finally, God wants us to realize that there is no authority except that which He has established, and to respect that authority. Does that mean we have to respect every policy the authority might institute? Of course not. Does it mean we have to like the authority? No. But just as it’s not okay to disparage individuals made in the image of God, it is likewise wrong to disrespect authorities instituted by God. It’s more than fine to stand against any policy that dishonors God; in fact, we must. It is not okay to show disrespect or contempt for what God has done.

Maybe we’re still trying to figure out what we think or plan to do now that we know who the next President will be. But far more important than deciding what we think is aligning ourselves with what God thinks. And far more imperative than doing what we want to do, is doing what God wants done.

As we move forward post-Election 2016, may God’s glory and satisfaction be our only goal. May we pursue that goal only in ways that honor Him. May we focus not on satisfying our own desires but on bringing Him glory.

And may God bless America.

Amen.

Isaiah 14:27—For the LORD Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart him? His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back? (NIV)

Romans 13:1—Let every person submit himself to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except what God has established, and every authority that exists has been appointed by God. (MGT)

John 13:34—“A new commandment I give you: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also must love one another.” (MGT)

Leaving It All on the Field

LincolnN / Pixabay
LincolnN / Pixabay

By now, if you live in North America, you’ve probably heard that the Chicago Cubs won the 2016 World Series. If you read last week’s devotion, you know how happy this makes me. What you may not know is how I reacted to their win (after screaming with joy in a way that went beyond words).

Why would you care how I reacted to their win? Well, maybe you don’t, at least as far as baseball is concerned. But hang in there with me, because the surprising way I found myself reacting applies to my whole life, not just this one event. Maybe it applies to yours, too.

I spent the evening with a longtime friend from college. She invited us over and prepared “baseball food” for us (hot dogs, chips, etc.); we all watched the game on her large-screen TV.

I say “all,” but by the eighth inning, when things really started to get interesting, only my two youngest daughters and I were still there. Throughout the eighth and ninth innings, our hopes rose and fell with every swing of the bat. My heart seemed to stop and start far too many times; I alternately cheered and closed my eyes (and reminded myself to breathe).

Then, the game went into extra innings. Then, there was a seventeen-minute rain delay. We waited there in my friend’s living room, not knowing whether we were awaiting victory or defeat.

Of course, you know the rest. When the tenth inning started, the Cubs started to score. The Cleveland Indians couldn’t match them, and with the final ball to first baseman Anthony Rizzo, the game was over. The Cubs had won!

We screamed (repeatedly). We raised both fists high into the air (again, repeatedly). We rejoiced.

Finally, at some point, I stopped screaming. I stopped cheering. I fell quiet. Instead of crying, as I openly did when the Cubs won the League Championship Series (and, thus, advanced to the World Series), or continuing to cheer along with the rejoicing I saw onscreen, I simply sat and watched as the win soaked in.

“I have nothing left,” I said to my friend.

I’ve been a lifelong Cubs fan, and my desire to see them win has gone largely unsatisfied. I’d followed them through the Division Series and the League Championship Series. I’d watched every single game of the World Series, and I’d loved them and supported them with all my heart and all my emotion.

That’s why I had nothing left. I had given everything I had. Just like my beloved Cubbies, I’d left it all on the field.

Jesus knows all about loving people until the very end—and no, I’m not talking about what He did for us on the cross. I’m talking about what He did for the disciples prior to that.

I’m sure you know about the part of the Last Supper where Jesus washed the disciples’ feet. But do you know what John says right before that?

John reminded his readers that it was just before the Passover Festival. He then pointed out that Jesus knew what was about to happen. Then—and don’t miss this part—he talks about how Jesus had loved the disciples and continued to love them until the end. And he gives the example of Jesus’ washing their feet as an example of how He continued to love them.

Despite the fact that Judas was about to betray Him, and He knew it, Jesus washed their feet. He illustrated for them in visual fashion what He was trying to teach them with His words, despite the tremendous mental and emotional strain He must have been under, knowing what would happen to Him in just a few short hours.

He washed their feet, and later He died for them, and when He did, He had given everything He had—not just His life (as if that weren’t enough), but all the love He had for them as their God, Creator, and Friend.

He had nothing left.

To slightly paraphrase Erma Bombeck, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of [loving] left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.’ ”

Because even more than I love the Cubs, I love my family. When someday Jesus calls me home and I leave my loved ones behind, I want them to be able to say, “She loved us as fully as it was possible for a human being to love. She gave us everything she had.”

May I so live now that they can say those words then.

May you do the same for your loved ones.

Leave it all on the field.

John 13:1—It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. (NIV)