Four years later, I still vividly remember the moment.
At the time, I had two children: Ellie and Kenny. It was bath night, so I was trying to get them into the tub. The process went smoothly with Ellie. But for some reason, Kenny was fighting me about getting ready for his bath.
He was having a fit as I was wrestling him on the floor to get him undressed and into the tub. He was crying, screaming, and resisting. His little legs were kicking. I was getting more and more frustrated.
And for a second there—and this is the part I remember so vividly—I looked down and saw Kenny lying there on the floor, a chubby boy, eyes squeezed shut, sweat beading his forehead and matting his hair, tears trailing down his cheeks, still resisting my efforts to get him undressed. And I saw him as “just” a big, sweaty boy. For an instant, it was like I saw him apart from the love I have for him, and I saw nothing attractive about him as I looked down at him.
It hurts my mother-heart to realize that even for an instant, I could look at my precious son and see him as completely unattractive. But I think God gave me that glimpse of Kenny as a gift.
It was a poignant illustration of two things. First, I must never look at my son apart from the love I have for him, because the alternative is too awful to contemplate. My love should be the lens through which I see him. I may need to be objective about some of his behaviors so that I can train and discipline him properly, but I should never look at him without love coloring my vision.
After all, God always looks at us with love. He is well aware of our sin, but because of our relationship with His Son, He has chosen to look at us as dearly beloved children, instead of as His enemies. Even when we’re lying on the floor having a fit, and the results of our efforts are dampening our hair and leaving trails down our cheeks, He loves us.
He could have sent us all to hell as we all deserved. But instead, He chose to love us. More than that, He sent His Son to earth as a baby, to grow up to die so that we could be reconciled to God despite all the things we have done and continue to do.
It’s a love that’s not based on anything we do or don’t do. It’s based on a choice God made.
That’s the second thing God showed me through this situation. Our love for others, especially our children, must be based on a choice, not on how we feel at the moment. Love is a choice, and there better be more to my love for Kenny than just loving him because of what he does for me. And, praise God, there was more, because I had chosen long ago truly to love my son.
It’s what we all need to do, for each one of our children. We must make the decision to love unconditionally, no matter what the child does or doesn’t do. Then, we take it a step further by showing them that love, no matter what.
God loves you and me all the time, not just when we look good enough. That, my friends, is the gospel. God loves you despite what you’ve done and made a way for you to be reconciled to Him. That’s what Christmas is all about.
It’s not about the presents, or the tree, or even family gatherings. It’s about God looking down on humanity, who was not worthy of His love, and choosing to love us anyway. It’s about how He made a way for us to come back to Him, despite our sin. It’s about how He loved us, even though we are unworthy of His love, and even before we loved Him.
Praise God that He did.
1 John 4:10—This is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son.